there is a terrific silence inside me i did not know i was capable of. i am watching the blades twist and wave in the rice field. i am watching delivery trucks drive by on the gentle road, driving steadily without enough rush or spirit to seem like they have a final destination or even an initial plan. i am watching the woman with the ice cream shop, which is just a bamboo lean-to on the side of the road, as she strokes the side of the bright red coca cola cooler, which hasn’t been opened in days. i am watching a cat dart out of the way of a motorbike and i think of every cat we grew attached to and then left, resident cats at hotels and schools and cafes, cats that were ours for a week or a month, cats that we named with silly names like Sir Gregory and Richard Parker, names we forgot when we left. i do not feel anything. i feel a silence inside me that i do not know.

I think I might be drowning in this overwhelmingly selfish world.

I think I might start swimming, because I am selfish too.

"Why do you kiss him?"
"It's my way of saying thank you."
"You say thank you with your lips?"
"How else would I say it?"

first, you made friends with your flaws
now you’re sleeping with them.

Lost love, love I’m losing
Is consuming me
I know there are good people out there
But I’m scared of them
I’m scared of people who don’t seem flawed

But she is, and it’s beautiful
Only she seems to be missing anger
Anxiety, angst, and teary-eyed things
Nights when I want to dig my fingernails into the soil
And make it bleed.

I’m so tired of polishing art
But I don’t want to be a pretentious “artiste”
Please darling call me a visionary
Don’t say you didn’t get it
Or you’ll be the uncultured one
Where can I get a refund for the human experience?

Uninstall interaction
I don’t want to know what they think
In fact, *let’s pretend they don’t exist

I took a shower in the dark
Even though that means it was just me
And the smell of my wet hair

The hot water almost burned me
But the steam helped me breathe
I miss your smoke.