thought breeds fear breeds hesitation breeds inactivity breeds regret breeds sorrow breeds this second
lying against the wall, heavy paint consuming terminal strands
ink stains on two-dollar offwhite notes
whose words are these?
not sure.

this second breeds disappointment breeds apathy breeds hopelessness breeds fatigue breeds long sleep
rivulets make short indents, slipping clockwork makes little difference                                                      
words by heart fall from cracked lip skin                                                                                                      
whose laments are these?                                                                                                                                
I understand.                                                                                                                                                    
and wish I didn't.

my feet slip under the sand.
the wave that slapped my ankles moments before
retreating now,
somehow pulling the ground
beneath my feet
up between my toes
and away.
I say goodbye,
but there is no need to grieve,
sinking an inch deeper into infinity

a feeling like adrenaline;
am I coiling or unwinding?
a place where I could spend eternity
if only I could forever forget
my name
-
this wave.
a moment.
a kick and I am flying,
full of air and motion,
steps of spray

it rises to meet me,
stretching a hand up
higher than my heart
to catch me in a crash
like a rotten tomato hitting a wall;
toss, smack, splatter, gone

in the impact of light and sound
I can feel the sea
accepting my gift
of everything,
in abandon

underwater the salt and motion
washes all the dust
off of my bones
and fills me up
with clean, sparkling blue
-
they are breaking against me now
shaking me down
against the bottom,
then releasing me.
a rhythm like breathing;
like living.
rising,
falling,
holding in the depths
(the infinite distances of disorientation),
finding my feet,
and breathlessly looking
for the next wave
to pull me under
-
there is blood running down
my back and shoulder

scratches from the broken shells
and yet unpulverized gravel
I was dragged across

and I am grinning

laughing like a maniac because now
no-one will have to ask me
whether or not
I am
Alive