stop being practical
and stop being scared
start being passionate
and start being bare

cease this monotony
this tired old dance
spare us the waiting
now is your chance

i'm done with the careful
i'm done with the sad
but i'm not done with you
(and that makes me mad)

entertaining the
memories of the old us -
*the saddest happy

you're sneaky, i'll give you that.



just when i wasn't looking

YOU

snuck into my ribcage

infiltrated the walls of cartilage

(and distrust)

and you stole it.

ripped it from the tangles of veins (and anger) and arteries (and fear)



and left me with nothing but hollow awe.



it's fine, you keep it.

welcome me into the innermost workings of your mind
share with me those ghosts you protect
as if i too knew them,
for i think i might.

pour it on me.
go on.
let your mysteries submerge us both.

**i want to get closer.

YOU
set my cheeks ablaze
YOU
a moth to flame

sometimes i believe that i hate you.

usually, i don't.
because i don't.

i wish i despised you.
i wish i could honestly say i haven't thought of you
that the whisper of your memory didn't pervade my mind
and drown out that propaganda

i wish there was more about you that bothered me
i wish i didn't remember your gentle touch,
those comfortable silences,
how we'd giggle not because anything was funny but because we were giddy and our smiles bubbled over.

i wish he was more like you.
i wish i'd met you later.
i wish our paths weren't so separate.
i wish
i wish
i wish.

you'd think
after
decades
of marathoning lies
he might inadvertently stumble upon the truth
and yet
still