toxic
never really understood the word
or the feeling
but now it’s something that’s always around me
to not be able to breathe
feeling trapped
tight
from the beginning I was really nothing to you
you didn’t know me
you wanted to make him hurt
I was happy
and now I’m drained
because you decided to be selfish
you were hurt so you wanted him to hurt
toxic
from the beginning
it was just lust
no love
you wanted a replacement
so I was.

the happiness I feel only last for a couple of minutes
I can feel the joy sparking again
but then all of sudden it hits me again
the dark cloud over me not wanting to go away
I can’t stop but to think
if I’m ever going to be okay
I want to feel happiness not just for a little  I want it to be permanent
not temporary
the feel of sadness is the only thing that I feel for a long time
it’s hard to imagine me being okay
cuz all I have are negative thoughts
that won’t go away

overthinking
the thing I do 24/7
I can’t help it..it hurts
******* up my own mental health
I let my imagination take over
I’m still shocked on how far it can go
to the point where I scream out for help
thinking it’s real
the agony im in doesn’t seem to fade
no matter how much i believe does

I feel used
you wanted to see me without a single inch of clothes
my bare skin just for your eyes
your finger tips slowly running down my back
soon they end up between my legs
you make them dance for awhile
until you hear your satisfaction
my soft pink lips just for yours
my entire body,mind,soul for you
you didn’t want to share me
I didn’t want to share you either
but once i let you in
you left without an explanation

a feeling that you think won’t ever go away
you are drowned by your own tears
your own emotions falling on top of you
you start to panic
the oxygen suddenly doesn’t come in
your lungs seem *******
all of a sudden your giving your last breathe
the burning in your eyes stop
they slowly start to close
all you can do is accept it