the sun is through my skin, piercing it like fire. but father, mother said I couldn't burn? she said I had the grace of god. why must it be me who burns? I am not the sun nor the solar system spinning out of control, like those rides at the fair that make you spin til you ***** all of the fun you thought you were having that night. now I'm stumbling for words and my vision is impaired but this probably won't make sense and I'm not sure what more to say. I'm at a loss, I think I should stop.

mother, the curtains are turning black and the boy I love will burry me in the pile that his sweaters belong and the termites eat the floor under our feet. father told me I would walk the **** side but all I want is those loving thoughts the birds and the bees have given me and my teacher told me that God is where our life is placed but the star dust and the revolution of planets seems so much more real than those snakes demonizing that poor girl who swings on her tire swing with her ghosts that share their thoughts about who's the biggest ***** in the town and maybe, just maybe, mother will say I love you and the door will remain white from all the truth it has told from behind those knobs and walls and the black curtains will fade to nothing as if the sun has never shone and that boy will cry himself to sleep with the thought of a gun and those stupid ******* birds will sing once more without a care in the world but they truly want to see the world explode, that's what their whole ******* chatter is all about.

sweat rolls down his spine and the cats tail will sway to the pace of the nearby pocket watch, ticking down time til the world shall end and the sun will beam through the windows and the babies will scream sounding like birds ripping souls from the worms that lay low to the cold hard ground in the middle of fall and I promise, darling, oh I promise the clouds will cry tonight while the moon beams comfort the girl with that red long hair, who sings so horridly the boys go blind from nonsense. and that moment, her father will cry while sipping his whiskey and her mother will take one too many pills to ease the pain knowing her son will die and her unborn will never grow again. like flowers on the mountain tops, nothing will be revoked from your paradisiacal grip that carries the world on a stick.

keep singing me sad songs, I don't want to forget this feeling and I need you to tell me you don't love me so I can hear it rip my heart out just like the birds do to those poor worms they tear from the ground and that's the place where I fell so hard, breaking, cracking, snapping my jaw once it hit the Ice covered soil. they laughed like the hyenas in the jungle and I hid away in the basement and Margot did too. same with that bedroom, Margot was there too. Conor saves us all from the burning fire of our minds and we couldn't escape til Dan came. Mr Danny, why are you so sad? there's pints of whiskey in the corner. look to the sky, said Margot. and mother, let me go you gotta let this birdie fly if I'll ever grow and maybe it'll rain, I need a good rinse. wait, do you hear that? the music? or is that moaning? oh no it's Ramona crying? oh goodness she is screaming. Bethany, baby, what is the matter stop screaming. it'll only hurt a little bit, you needed it to be taken sometime right? your skirt looked too inviting for me to resist. I swear Carla wanted it. She even asked Helena to join us. but why is she screaming too? Father said this is the way to find love. But love isn't how him and mother was wasn't it? he was the airplanes coming to a crash and mother was the ambulance but seemingly every night they threw glass at each other. I just hope I did my math homework. I swear, I'll clean my room later and I'm sorry I didn't do the dishes and maybe you'll love me once again but my dearest I have no heart and my blood doesn't pump so when you kiss me don't be frightened I am not the ground I am the sky.

Lua I know you're hurt and you just wish upon every star but that lonesome moon does not love you back and the bare skin of your lover on yours is not enough to hope your life will stay a little bit longer and your soul is fading like candles you surround yourself with and Danny told me that conor saw that girl at the zoo again, the one who sings to the Tigers, those same tigers that tore the faces off those children last winter.
conor tells me the four winds blow for me but in this town there is nothing but rain from that mother who cries all day mourning the death of that bug she stepped on.
nothing makes sense anymore, my mind screams and the voices tell me I belong six feet under and those sirens are singing their song to me but I am not a sailor