you have never lived until you
trust fall into the earth
engulfed by the mother
she cradles you
soaks up your tears with her dirt
a breeze hugs your neck
kisses off the sweat

I forget there's something
so loving

why do we act like children
who don't know how to
use their words
upset at everything
around them

I need something so much bigger
a tornado inside of a thunderstorm
I feel like I am dissipating
there's something calling my name
yet it's whispering

this bright light
consuming molecules of
what seem to make us up

contained in these fleshy
self operating watery bodies
skipping around each other
talking to ourselves
brain function a mystery

I do not command
my heart to beat like
the drums in your high
school band
it's function is self disciplined
i wish i had as much
control
as my digestive system
how it works constantly
never procrastinating

we are solar systems
whirling, beeping
stardust particles with feet
we dance across seas of earth
dirtying skins that
hold our organs in

you can only hold so much in
until your blood cells burst
from claustrophobic oxygen.

trials, tribulations and trauma
trials, tribulations
trials

high off coffee scents and cigarettes
i sat in the corner of the coffee shop

All the elders wore bracelets saying
Christ
but they forget
he's not an accessory

there's deeper meaning
to this son of God,
but I am merely a moth
trapped inside a rich man's
screened porch

Oh god how I cannot
manage my tears
They dance down the dark
circles of my eyes
Washing my cheeks
satisfied to be seen

the release is worth the tightened grip
but dear god how I thought
I could control all of this

I created you into a paradigm,
something you never were
or were ever meant to be.
wishing on each cardinal that crosses
A fever dream of a summer
plays tug of war with ones hopes
in an uncomfortable motion.
but I am reminded
I have the skin of a dreamer,
hollow bones to carry me along this
current
pull up the tainted plants
eat them for breakfast.
whispering into a sin so vague
there is no forgiveness

But thin air upon your veins, believing in what isn't there,
absence everywhere.
i'm not lonely, but i'd love some company.
hermit bound introvert impulsive quixotic intuitive idealist,
a realistic cynic
it's not quite so simple
is it?
the substance of lust altering
an easily adaptive mindset.
if you're much older (than you're willing to admit)
use them for reassurance.
you don't need friends, release the cry's for relative human beings
to the quick, i feel sick
i've lost my willingness to be apart of it.

i haven't slowed down since i began walking,
the destination is simply
farther than the map requested.
noted i lost myself in the beginning
roaming around foolishly awaiting happiness
to come to me.
Yet I know my intellect
I am made to ignite things.
bursting each cell given life into an ember,
one thin string of smoke.
i am one of the things I've blown up.