Those blue eyes.
They held onto my vision.
They cried for help.

They fought.
They suffered.
Remembered and forgot.

They were bullets.
They were empty shells.

They laughed, oh boy did they laugh.
Smiled like coral.

But those nights.
Those horrors.

Those long gasps.
Those memories.

But those blue, baby blue eyes.
They flew.

Day by day,
We think of what we want,
Day by day,
We think of what we need,
Day by day,
Until one month has gone,
And you have gotten nowhere.

I have to take medicine but I'm happy. My split ends are horrendous but I have not lost my hair to a disease. My grades are average but I am mentally stable. I have acne and scars but no bruises.  My voice sounds weird but I can speak. My stomach has a pouch but I am getting fed. My nose is odd but I can smell. I have hair on my knuckles and on my toes but I have ten fingers and toes. My thighs are big but I am healthy. My knees are bad but I can run. My laugh is terrible but I have things to laugh about. I have no attention span but I have an endless imagination.

I have my health, I have a  house, I have a family. I have all 4 limbs. I have all my senses. I am mentally stable. I am so thankful for what I have.

Remember it could always be worse.

My stomach drops.
My head spins.
I feel a rush of anxiety entering through my ears.
My heart freezes.
I feel weak.
I feel scared.
Timid? You bet.
My teeth clench as I whisper "****."
My head feels as if someone unscrewed it, pulled all my thoughts out and poured endless amounts of cement into my hollow cranium.
My inner temperature increases like watching a sunrise in fast forward.
My eyes absorb into the back of my skull.

Why must people ask me what my plans are for the future?



I have no ******* idea.

With every bone in my body.
With every thought in my mind.
With every beat of my heart.
With every breath in my lungs.
With every step in my walk.
With every piece of soul.

I love him and will continue loving him.

The clouds roll in,
And the going gets tough,
All we can do is sin,
But life gets to be enough.

A dictionary of fears,
Remains open in my head,
As I swallow my tears,
The anxiety is left unsaid.