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Lover of Words Jun 2013
Summer where is the sweet freedom I once knew,
The precious youth to spend all my nights doing what I wished,
Those moments I could go back to  being kissed wet after rain,
Why can I not be released to do what I please,
I feel as if God is punishing me,
And I'm frustrated cause I have no time,
Or energy,
To spread my achy wings and fly,
But anyone can be compared to a bird,
I though have a song to sing,
A book to write and a life to really start living,
I can't put up with all these wasteful things,
Like working and sleeping and worry,
Summer is a season of no cares, yet I'm carrying my huge load which I need to finally let down.
Cause I have no control of anything
and that is what makes me anxious most of all
Lover of Words Sep 2013
in the unwritten tattooed scars from your wounds,
I wonder…
how could they hurt you
I imagine your pain to be beyond skin deep,
written within your pores and moles
a bandage could not conceal,
that pain,
A voice that cannot be unheard.
But a broken bird crying in the dark
instilling a hurt that will burn
Lover of Words Nov 2012
God I'm so thankful first off for my room.
My sanctuary,
And I cannot be more appreciative of my annoying crazy family,
Yeah they're a riot,
But more then enough for me to handle at times,
Where I be without em?
I thank you for this amazing country right now who's future appears to be a bit bleak,
But we've survived rougher times,
And I cannot be more grateful for the words I've heard you spoken to me
Even though I don't always listen,
Still you remain, always persistent,
And I need that nudge,
And God I thank you for the ten fingers and ten toes,
They all work for your glory,
Yet you still let them shove food into my mouth,
A basic simple need that I could not live without,
So I wanna thank You,
Not just today,
But every second of every hour,
I wanna lift up my hands and just say
"THANKS!"
For being the God that You are,
means a lot to me,
And no friend or lover could ever make up for the love you give me consistently,
Even when I myself are not at all deserving of it,
Lover of Words Jan 2013
He was a boy,
A boy of soft songs,
Little novels,
And a hard and weary heart,
He wrote down his desires in a book,
"Pleasant dreams, quiet hours and sunlight."
And he wanted to be still,
And stare at the stars, write down his thoughts, and maybe one day find a girl,
Who could find his odd and strange habits cute,
And she wanna cuddle with him till daylight,
Read him his books and listen to his soft voice and maybe mend all the brokenness and misery he had suffered,
To be soaked up by infectious laughter and soft skin that he could dry his tears on,
Maybe someone who he could base his dreams on
And love him more then the characters in his book did
Lover of Words Feb 2013
I try to cut, through the skin, as if it's my last effort to free my own soul from it's own pain,
The skeletal bones and tissue intertwined, wanting to break free, from such limited physicality's
Rather to feel real pain, then this goopy stuff they call emotions,
I'm entangled in a war of not my choosing,
A world, I was not made for,
And I walk aware of this,
Every, single day i'm breathing hard and the cold air ***** all the warmth from my own blood,
And I feel nothing, but darkness, ******* out my soul,
The life I once wanted,
A fairytale forgotten while I'm living this horrid nightmare,
Full of language and knowledge I could care less about,
When all I wanna do is run in fields, and soak up the ocean with my heart,
And never return to a desk if it's the last thing I do,
Freedom from driving and technology,
A phone always beeping,
Just me, myself and I,
And a God that I could see with all the stuff out of the way
for further notice, I do not cut, so no one be afraid, I used it for poetic emphasis.
Lover of Words May 2013
I heard you in the darkness with those white lips,
Whispering my name,
Like a heart beat under your breath.
Despite the howling cold winds and the sheer pounding of rain drops,
It all made sense,
And I couldn't stand their anymore on that porch deck, listening to you say my name over and over again,
So I ran far away,
Hoping not to hear it again,
But you kept after me,
I heard the voice again and again,
Driving me absolutely crazy,
With pain,
I cried in vain,
Wondering if I be ever let alone,
But no,
You pursued cause I was worth the chase,
Until I accepted your embrace,
And I caved,
Knowing that would finally stop the **** rain
Lover of Words Nov 2012
Like those eyes,
Those sparkling fireballs of burning light,
They give me hope for humanity,
And I look at them and it's like all the air I ever had in my lungs was punched out,
Now I can't even inhale anymore,
She's standing there looking at me,
Making it so **** hard to breathe,
But I can't stop staring…
Even if I lost every breath in my body,
My eyes could never get enough of looking into hers
Lover of Words Dec 2012
I'm just completely torn up,
With all this ******* bad luck,
See there's this guy,
And of course it's always a guy,
But anyways,
He won't call…or fb or txt…
So I'm left here thinking what the heck,
I wanna ring his neck,
For making me need him more then necessary,
I don't even know whats wrong with him,
Or happened,
All that messed up ****,
I don't care,
But really why?
It was all going so swell,
Why didn't it have to suddenly drowned in a heartbreak from hell,
And why am I even in tears,
I should've expected such disaster to occur,
Unsuspectedly everything was going too well,
Now I'm alone,
Wondering why I even try
Lover of Words Nov 2012
Homework…
losing it,
Wanting to drop dead
Yet heart won't stop beating,
Obviously
Just keep on breathing,
But still,
Twisting insides,
Wanting to cry
Alleviate this pain,
But another drink of coffee won't be enough,
The strain is like rain,
A constant pour
Never ending,
Wanting so much to run without cause,
Or destination,
Freedom,
Just a taste,
A minute without worry,
Or something,
A distraction,
An hour of lost thought,
is all I want,
But can't get
Lover of Words Dec 2013
I was frightened.
Cold in bone, broken into frigidness,
Oh life how've you've hit me with a car,
And no ambulance came.
They need one for the heart,
Cause I'm trying hard not to step on the shattered glass,
And the winds of time are shaking me and I cannot break out of this twisted cage I've been thrown into.
Emotions come tumbling down like an avalanche.
A pile of rocks, tumbling on top of my head, and I ache into submission.
For what can one do when stepped on like a bug.
Their guts are spewing out from the sides, there done.
And I like that very bug I have been squashed upon.
Dreams and aspirations,
Thoughts and wonderments have been so ripped into and stolen.
I am hollow like a tree in winter, I shed my leaves,
I stand with nothing in my hands to hold,
Torn of my hair, Losing my heart, every atom inside of me screaming. The very mitochondria of my little tiny cells are slowing down. Losing any ambition to continue.
And I stand silent waiting spring comes soon.
Lover of Words Nov 2012
What about me?
You push, and part and now you're breaking my heart,
All for a boy who says he loves you,
So what about me?
Who was there for you when you were upset,
Who was there during those dark days, trying to get you to work,
And who was there when the seems ripped opened and you were hurt?
Yeah…So not trying to be possessive, but what about me?
And I want you to know we never fought,
I can't even remember one disagreement we had,
Our friendship was filled with sparkling smiles and fun,
But no,
I guess it was all just a fling,
Gosh **** it, I can't help but want to inflict the same pain you caused me,
Call it jealousy, but what you're doing to me is injustice
Pure and absolutely douchbaggery at it's finest,
And what do you got to say for yourself,
But a stupid little sorry,
Hell no man,
It'll take a lot more then those garish crocodile tears,
I cannot again help but be mad,
For this is not the first time i've been thrown aside,
Like just being alone is hard enough,
I just keep sliding by,
But ***,
I guess we might be done,
Although this battle you might have one,
Taking my slashed bits of my broken heart,
And breaking it into smaller pieces
I hope that's want you wanted
Lover of Words Sep 2013
I'm mad and upset, why god oh why,
Did you curse man,
and now we have disease and work,
And school,
Oh how could you,
Despite your prolific love and adoration of us,
You drag us through the mud to somehow see some **** light,
Well God I can't quite see anything through this ****,
And frankly I'm tired and worn and sad,
And so sad, and nobody really gets it,
I would give her all the blood I had,
Just to heal her, just to give some hope to a life that needs it,
Why couldn't I had lost all my hair?
Or go through those god awful treatments they call chemo,
what is so wrong with you,
Letting the devil get away with such evil,
And I feel so powerless,
and you have all the power yet you abuse it,
I'm so ready to just to cave in to the world,
But somehow I'm still in love with you,
for some ******* reason, You spark my heart, and i'm not quite yet willing to completely let go,
I just hope you know what your doing,
Cause I don't have the slightest clue
Lover of Words Jan 2013
Winter,
There is no win this season,
The snow and cold makes me all depressed and sad,
Hoping for an early spring,
At least that's what I hope for,
Every
Single
Day,
Yet another snowflake falls,
And don't get me wrong,
Snow is pretty every now and then,
But frankly I cannot want frozen fingers and toes
My body freezing to the very bone,
And I tire easily then before
Being awake is such a bore,
And I want to not freeze
Just a moment to feel a heart beat
And a warm hug, and hot coffee,
Cause cold is not my cup of tea
Lover of Words Mar 2013
I'm nervous about nothing,
Is that even possible, or normal?
I'm worried.
And I'm worried that something will make me worry more,
I'm stressed to the test
I feel like I'll shatter,
Like a glass window,
In pieces I'll fall,
Someone out there, hear my plead,
Catch me,
Cause my mind is being murdered by thoughts
Like roaring ocean waves,
Back and forth,
Breaking me like the beach,
I'm being ebbed away by my own inner shore,
So help before I become my very own enemy
Lover of Words Jun 2013
Would you still love me if my sea blue green eyes were puddles of icky brown like gas station toilet water,
Would you still love me if my locks of autumn sun kissed hair follicles fell off my head like they do seasonally,
Would you love me if my skin was orange like bright cheeto puffed style, and would you still love me if I had no nose,
Would you still love me when I'm sad and unconsolable,
With tears running down my eyes like the waters off niagra,
Would you still love me if I died,
Like not existed anymore,
Would you even cry,
And would you love me if I had no value to this world,
If everyone hated me and ran from me like a squirrel, Would you still love this pathetic girl, If she was all that she set out to be but couldn't. Would you still love her like you do,
Would you love me for all my ugly faults I cannot change.
Lover of Words Nov 2012
And I can't see forever with you,
Although that's a long time…
Like forever,
Your not perfect,
But really now,
Who the hell is?
So maybe if I can't see forever, maybe a temporary arrangement can be made,
I know, sounds a bit inane
Look here though,
I'm not a girl who's gonna just fall right into anyone's arms,
Although yours are quite comfortable,
I gotta side that's just freedom at it's finest,
And boy,
I don't know if your ready for such a wild ride,
But hop on if you think you can survive,
For I'm not an easy gal to coincide with,
Least that's what've been told,
So you're cute and make me sorta happy,
Perhaps we can try to go along with this,
Whatever 'this' maybe,
If you're ready...
Lover of Words Oct 2012
You are my morning cup of coffee,
My hot, steamy, caffeinated beverage made to wake me up,
I sip you,
Bitter,
Some sugar to cheer you up?
I dowse you in vanilla cream…
Any better my darling?
How come you are so nasty?
Not a morning person either?
Well I can't blame you,
Why do I think I drink so much of you?
Because I like you?
Well I do,sorta, the effects you bring to me are quite uplifting,
I shake,
Nervously,
Oh you startle me and delight me,
I feel comforted as you break open into my bloodstream,
My body on fire and ready to start my long and trying day,
Maybe we can get through this together,
Another cup is what I think I need of you,
Whether bitter or not we can make it through,
So my little cappuccino, so frothy and frilly,
I want you to know that I need you,
Like to start my morning, my every morning
Whether you are just black, or a venti latte with skim and carmel syrup stirred inside,
Or else I be stuck in bed all the time
There be no you to keep me awake or alive,
No reason to go outside and try,
No motivator, no mover, just me living my days on my own,
How terribly depressing I must add,
So I'll keep you company if you keep on stirring my brain with your caffeinated ways
Lover of Words Apr 2013
I feel like its a cancer
growing inside of me,
Deep within the caverns of my calloused heart,
and I can do nothing but feel
Pain
that hallow ache
of nothingness
And the fact I can do nothing,
No word i mutter, no act I do, not a single element of my existence can cure you,
and therefore
I cannot help but bleed within, without stopping,
I cannot be anymore hurt,
Hemorrhaging inside,
Knowing that you have a disease out of my control,
All I can do is watch and pray,
Hoping one day it'll pass away

— The End —