Brandon,
I'm sorry that I wake up late,
I'm sorry I'm sad a lot,
I wish I could have your smile,
when things look so bleak,
You mean a lot to me,
Unfortunately I'm a ******* up emotional wretch,
ramming her head into walls,
Not knowing what to do next,
And right now its worse, cause I feel like I'm carrying the world on my back,
And its about to break my own neck,
And I worry too much,
I just want it to all end,
Heck, I need some real good medicine,
And funny thing is I still can't stop thinking about you,
Turns out,
I'm not that tough as I act,
I'm a china glass doll ready to crack,
I'm sorry for today,
And the tears I shed,
Its probably the weather or this cold or something,
We'll get through it together,

I am wounded. Seared with scars of broken dreams, scattered across my own galaxy and I fear they will continue to stomp into the dust, unable to be renewed. And I am fearful of my future, so grave and hard to grasp. What am I even working so **** hard for? And why? Will it even come to pass? And my heart is weary and head is full of thoughts and I wish I had some small time to stop. Just to really grasp whats going on and how to stop the constant noise. And let my thoughts settle like the bottom of my ocean. Just to work my way through things, to get to know them and understand and to stop the constant madness. I cannot handle on my own. But still it goes on like the waves of an ocean, with a very hide tide.

I'm just completely torn up,
With all this ******* bad luck,
See there's this guy,
And of course it's always a guy,
But anyways,
He won't call…or fb or txt…
So I'm left here thinking what the heck,
I wanna ring his neck,
For making me need him more then necessary,
I don't even know whats wrong with him,
Or happened,
All that messed up ****,
I don't care,
But really why?
It was all going so swell,
Why didn't it have to suddenly drowned in a heartbreak from hell,
And why am I even in tears,
I should've expected such disaster to occur,
Unsuspectedly everything was going too well,
Now I'm alone,
Wondering why I even try

He was a boy,
A boy of soft songs,
Little novels,
And a hard and weary heart,
He wrote down his desires in a book,
"Pleasant dreams, quiet hours and sunlight."
And he wanted to be still,
And stare at the stars, write down his thoughts, and maybe one day find a girl,
Who could find his odd and strange habits cute,
And she wanna cuddle with him till daylight,
Read him his books and listen to his soft voice and maybe mend all the brokenness and misery he had suffered,
To be soaked up by infectious laughter and soft skin that he could dry his tears on,
Maybe someone who he could base his dreams on
And love him more then the characters in his book did

I'm cold and weary and tired,
I want sleep,
and sleep and sleep

And I can't see forever with you,
Although that's a long time…
Like forever,
Your not perfect,
But really now,
Who the hell is?
So maybe if I can't see forever, maybe a temporary arrangement can be made,
I know, sounds a bit inane
Look here though,
I'm not a girl who's gonna just fall right into anyone's arms,
Although yours are quite comfortable,
I gotta side that's just freedom at it's finest,
And boy,
I don't know if your ready for such a wild ride,
But hop on if you think you can survive,
For I'm not an easy gal to coincide with,
Least that's what've been told,
So you're cute and make me sorta happy,
Perhaps we can try to go along with this,
Whatever 'this' maybe,
If you're ready...

I'm shattered,
Like a broken window,
Cracked and queer,
I fear the best human emotion,
Which of course is love,
How devilish it is for me,
To drag you on a string,
Making you desire continuously,
I want no one, but I need them most desperately,
What am I to do?
My heart is in two,
For I think I maybe in need of you,
So what if I fall too hard,
Or not at all,
How hard would that really hurt you,
And that would be my biggest crime,
To strip your heart of it's biggest veins,
I wish you nothing but the best,
But maybe perhaps I'm not it

Homework…
losing it,
Wanting to drop dead
Yet heart won't stop beating,
Obviously
Just keep on breathing,
But still,
Twisting insides,
Wanting to cry
Alleviate this pain,
But another drink of coffee won't be enough,
The strain is like rain,
A constant pour
Never ending,
Wanting so much to run without cause,
Or destination,
Freedom,
Just a taste,
A minute without worry,
Or something,
A distraction,
An hour of lost thought,
is all I want,
But can't get

How I'm fragile,
And all around me the earth burns,
With a fire,
An all intense power,
I watch with a heart broken,
Watch with eyes bent to heaven,
As all the others look to hell,
Not any feeling or word of mine could help,
But I watch, untouched, yet inside I could only imagine the burns

Love me?
Touch me,
Kiss me,
Brush your fingers across my skin,
Entice me,
Make me miss you,
Don't just say the words and run,
Stay,
Make me want you somehow the same,
But me in strangle,
Don't let me go,
Or give me a weak hug,
I want a hug that's more then a hug,
I want pressure,
Squeeze me,
Put your arms around me and hold me long,
So do it all and more,
Don't hold back a cent of your affection,
For I've never felt love before

I'm tired and stressed,
And such a God awful mess,
Why can't it be summer now,
No one is happy or pleasant,
And life isn't going so swell,
I miss the sun, and real love, and an actual hope for tomorrow.
I'm lost and confused and don't know what to do,
Wishing it could always be us two,
But life is not a ton of not so much fun,
And I got ton of stuff I don't want to do at all,
So how is it,
That I'm stuck.
In the muck.
And I haven't had any luck,
With life lately.
Something better happen to make me a little bit happy.

I,

awake,
Barely,
head hurting,
Knees bending,
And I cannot greet the day, just not yet,
Exhausted,
Looking for a cup of liquid black gold to heal my soul,
Maybe a good book to give me good thoughts and a sunshine to help me know I am alive.
Another day,
Of maybe more heartache,
But who knows,
Now I'm sitting and typing wondering,
If I'll ever be a somebody,

I got a song in my heart,
But no one one will let me sing,
It's aching to be broken up to be heard,
A charming melody,
But I got all this **** homework.
And it's too cold outside to fly,
The weather is dead.
And my insides are slowly dying,
Not worth another try to sing,
I'll put down my instrument and try another day

I heard you in the darkness with those white lips,
Whispering my name,
Like a heart beat under your breath.
Despite the howling cold winds and the sheer pounding of rain drops,
It all made sense,
And I couldn't stand their anymore on that porch deck, listening to you say my name over and over again,
So I ran far away,
Hoping not to hear it again,
But you kept after me,
I heard the voice again and again,
Driving me absolutely crazy,
With pain,
I cried in vain,
Wondering if I be ever let alone,
But no,
You pursued cause I was worth the chase,
Until I accepted your embrace,
And I caved,
Knowing that would finally stop the **** rain

And I wanna talk to somebody!
Tell them my frustrations and agonies and failures,
I wanna scream and cry and tell them the story of my hopes and dreams,
Have them talk back and understand me,
But I'm just a hopeless writer in this world who keeps one wondering on and on and on,
I keep writing,
And maybe somebody is gonna hear my writings,
I mean read,
Read and read and read,
Cause by the end of this life all I'm gonna be is a dusty book,
With those thick warm pages full of words,
Maybe comfort someone, or pull at their heart strings and make them think,
I just want this world to hear!
Hear my silent cries and worn out whispers in the night,
When I had no one!
And also hear my dying laughter,
Those moments I couldn't breathe!
But see nobody notices,
Or sees,
This lonesome quiet reader

I think you fell over two stories in love with me. Into an ocean and you poor thing, drowned without even realizing it.
And I felt like you met a person that I didn't even know.
Never thinking I really was ever that special,
But those blue eyes suddenly found me captivating,
And someone found me out to be more then just pretty,
A boy who finally didn't wanna leave,
A sincere heart,
One who maybe I could for once trust and perhaps love,
But oh, that scary word, how mysterious it is, to be in,
Love, what must your heart ache for me,
How it thumps up and down so rapidly
And just now I'm beginning to feel violent sharp tremors when your name just enters my brain,
Can it be?
Love or are we both still far too young

I think that he might love me,
Although I mean it's hard to tell,
Cause he won't confess,
But still I look into those eyes,
And I see him look at me,
With an endearing smile,
Like as if I've created happiness,
Just by looking back at him,
But I don't know,
Maybe,
I'll just keep staring back,
Lusting for his lips to be pressed upon mine,
But he won't very well do it, will he?
And I want him to prove that with more of a look,
That he likes me,
Maybe,
He'll do more then just stare back
Someday

Love,
What are you?
How do I know if I have you,
And if I don't what do I do to receive you,
For my heart is weary,
And my brain is done,
Wishing for things that won't come,
But maybe if I were to happen to meet you,
Things would make sense,
Except love isn't worthy to be made sense of,
Your confusing as hell,
Making me want people who don't desire me,
How can this be?
But when some unfortunate soul wants me the same,
Then I have a inherent tendency to run away,
Whats wrong with me?
Am I afraid?
Afraid of what?
I ask myself,
But just that I can't control it,
I cannot control emotions,
That's scary,
I cannot control you,
For sadness could come over me, suddenly,
And I be whisked away into nothing,
So love,
Please stay for awhile,
At least keep me company for today,
That's all I wanna say