I came to you because I thought you would save me.
You laughed over the John Hughes quote
That now is a seminal classic
But I’m not sure because I don’t believe in it
Because I’ve never known it
or maybe it’s just you I don’t believe in.

I didn't have enough energy to actually make an effort to laugh
and pretend I was having a good time.
I would rather sink into you, slowly, like I would ((in a shipwreck or)) in oversized couch cushions.
and be usurped by ((cold water that wakes you up)) musty fabric
when it swallows us whole
and we sink to the bottom.
I'd only feel
your long arms around me and nothing else

I’d rather strip for you
Not to be naked but to take my layers off.
[You bore me, You shaped me, You taught me]

And then I’d try to not love you so that I could fall into you once more.
let the  overwhelming overwhelm me (again)
until I forget the ongoing drama of the heart and the heart (a purposely neverending story)
[There are no words with which to describe thee:
My darling my love I need you beside me.]

we quote our favorite title page to our favorite epilogue.
An absurd story about love and blowing things up
Because really, (like hospitals and prisons)
it’s the same thing.

what does this night mean in the greater consequence of our lives?
Nothing.
I’m okay with that.
I’m just saying that.
[?]

Opportunity and random occurrence are just a farce
That we use to pretend fate doesn’t exist;
(it doesn’t, does it?)
Everything that matters seems too big to be real.
but I lived long before this, and I will exist ever after
one day I will achieve greatness
you will be forced to know me then
Since you won’t nor never will now.

I can't get her out of my head
It's this girl
A stranger to me, yet all I can think of
Beautiful beyond belief
A million dollar smile
The easiest laugh I have ever had the pleasure of hearing
Its this girl
And she will never be mine

Walks in the park
Naps in the sun
I just want some tea by the fire
Skinny dipping at midnight
Kisses stolen, snatches of heaven
Secrets shared, sleep long forgotten
I just want to love, and be loved

That's not how it works though
For me, anyways
I will get loneliness
Nights spent by myself
Nobody to share the blanket with
Or to rely on, while being relied on

Its this girl
And she won't be mine

Beautiful lies,
Easy life
tell me,
how do you live?
Through a twisted view?
Drugs through the naked veins?
Kisses through venomous dreams.
Beautiful girl whats wrong?
so many faces forgotten places.
don't listen to their words
ignore the worst
you will survive,
you always do
every thought in your head
run from what you don't understand
just take his hand
don't look back
shatter your brutal walls of ice and pain
just let him love you,
yes its difficult,
his words are like drugs soothing every wound inside
you get the feeling and urge to just drown in his arms every night
beautiful girl... i think you have found the one,
stay this time.
Don't ever leave

Eyes meet
In the corner coffee stall
Flint and tinder
All this time
Hello there!
Scrambling
Words all tumble
Scintillating
Knocking tables
Metal legs airborne
Clawing madly
Un-crisping collars
Found you
On the garnet cushions
Back to life
Imagination spinning
Staring at me
Whoops
Having daydreams
Once again.

I am loud,
Demanding attention.
I know when I am being charming
Because I try.
I put on my impressing face
And do my impressing hair
And speak my impressing words.
I tell you my embarrassing drinking stories
And everything else about me
That you probably shouldn’t know.

I am not good at being quiet
Because that’s not who I am.
I am not the sweet girl
Who will leave you with a smile
And a touch
And a glance
Or a single word.
There is nothing of this fashion of romance
About me.

I am the girl who will point out your flaws,
And take you outside to see the stars,
And remind you how human you are,
And what a wonderful thing that is.

I am the girl who will talk about science,
And music and theology and history,
And point out constellations, laughing,
When you don’t know the big dipper’s name.

I am the girl who will make witty references,
To classic literature and science fiction,
And will tell you stories of how I once,
Made a gingerbread replica of a lighthouse.

I am the girl who will stand on a table,
And sing at the top of my lungs on the highway,
And act like a chicken or quail or velociraptor,
Or nuzzle your face like a lion to make a point.

I am the girl who takes too many shots
And then coaxes you to bed on a Russian liver,
And knows all the right places to bite, and tease,
And follows with exceptionally coherent pillow-talk.

I am not a thin silk scarf on the wind.
I am not a thing hard to capture.
You would not spend a perilous journey
Through a wild, perfumed jungle,
Searching for my slender garments
Hung beside a pool
As I wail to the breeze.

Rather, I am the bird who flies overhead
Making too much noise
Distracting from the trail ahead.
A bird whose plumage proves
What an interesting life it must be…
What a colorful life for me…
Perpetually strange
The lone comic relief.

I am many things.
But I am not quiet.
Of this I am sure.

Many would say
That I'm a fool
If I laid awake at night
And only thought of you

But what if these thoughts
Were not of love
And they were hate filled and murderous
Precisely planned, with a fitting glove

Would it be a waste
To plan such a thing
When it would take you away
Along with my pain and grief

So as I think of you now
The feelings come even stronger
I've seen the way it unfolds
And for you, it won't be much longer