I am not in love,
Well at least I don't think I am,
I mean what is love exactly?
Is it like some crazy obsession with some special person,
Does that person have to be even special?
Like I'm not in love,
Or at least I am pretty sure I'm not,
I would know, I least I hope,
Isn't love, like crazy,
Like indescribable, unattainable, a mystery in itself that cannot be written down and understood in just one poem,
So I guess I'm not in love…
I want to be though,
Although maybe I am because my mind sorta drifts back to you every now and then,
You and your vast mix of imperfections,
Like how you complain constantly,
And how you never know what you want,
And how you insult me every chance you get.
You aren't afraid to be mean, and call me out for my flaws,
Like you don't worship me like other boys do,
I mean, if anything we are friends, but perhaps I like you more...
Weird how it just is ok when we are around and we can talk to each other, openly, with out any censoring whatsoever…
I know more about you then I ever wanted to know,
You remembered my birthday,
And knew when I wanted to be kissed,
Are we just too stubborn to be each others?
Or has fate just not yet allowed us yet,
But I don't know, I just feel normal around you,
Like ok, and If I had a life with you to feel that way,
I be happy, forever
And no perfect boy could ever recreate that mood within me like the way that you do

Boys, Boys, Boys,
Likable, lovable,or lonely,
Some are completely despicable,
You got those hard ***** who are too strong for love, or who will just lead ya on, making you think thoughts you shouldn't about them and
Making you want them more then you should,
Or you got those babies, the ones who refuse to actually grow some *****,
The ones who ask you to forgive them of their weaknesses,
Their shortcomings and their downfalls,
Like seriously?
I'm a girl, not a leaning post who you can depend upon,
Ok, maybe if I knew you more,
But still like, really?
The ones who refuse to make a move, like even afraid to touch you,
What? Do I have cooties or something,
Hold my hand, or hold me,
Come on!
Then you got those ones who don't even know how to communicate,
Or say something worth hearing,  
Please I've heard it all,
How cute and adorable I am,
The Goddess, a queen, labeling me to be one who I'm not,
I'm a human being, one of you!
Last time I checked I was a mortal, not some model of perfection,
But to be put on such a pedestal is simply too much.
So come on guys, get a grip and learn how to stand up for yourselves,
Don't pretend I'm something more then I'm not,
It aint going to work,
I want you as a friend, then a lover, but the crushes are constantly crushing my hopes and dreams of finding that one prince charming

19 years of boring days,
19 years of tears,
19 years of things drastically falling apart and never making any sense,
that is 19 years of trying to figure things out, like my body, and who the heck am I?
19 years of loving any guy who dare speak to me,
and 19 years of heartache figuring out that they didn't love me back,
19 years of dreaming and reading and wondering,
19 years of thinking, about everything really,
About God, and life, and why in the world am I here,
and 19 years of drawing,
19 years of human pain, like that time I had to get surgery for a broken leg,
Then there is a ton of mental and emotional pain, like heart break,
And other ****,
19 years of loving my family and friends for being there in my desperate times of despair,
And 19 years of not realizing that they were there the whole entire time,
19 years of trying to find my unrealistic and perfect Mr. Darcy,
which of course does not exist, well to my knowledge at least,
19 years of crushes on all the wrong guys,
And 19 years of never acknowledging the prime and proper ones who were gonna treat me right,
19 years of having to schoolwork, and now in college its more work then I have ever imagined,
And sometimes I just break down and cry because the stress of it all is depleting me of all my energy and time,
19 years of not knowing how to function around certain people, like at all sometimes,
And 19 years of having some of the greatest friends in the world to go out with on random nights to smoke hookah,
19 years of happy days,
And 19 years of having your heart ripped out of your chest and beaten on the side of the road until it can barely beat anymore,
19 years of having sucky days that make you want to jump off a cliff and **** yourself, or anybody at all really,
Like the first person you wake up in the morning and dares speak to you,
19 years of feeling tired, like every day,
19 years of eating delicious junk food, drinking water, laughing so hard I can't even breath, spilling coffee, talking so fast I forget what I am even saying and slipping up on everything.
19 years of foul plays and just really bad mistakes that you thought were gonna turn out good, but hit you really hard in the face,
So 19 birthdays to celebrate all these crazy and silly happenings that make me wanna go insane,
But I'm not so sure where I be without it all, without

Kiss me,
Like now,
Like hard,
And intense and meaningful,
Mean it,
Do it, without me asking,
For God sakes,
Embrace me, if you fear that I'll refuse then you are so wrong,
For I want you to,
I want you to show that which you feel,
Let the fireworks fly,
Grab me suddenly, up and around, twirl me and make my insides soar,
Like take those hands and grip onto me for dear life,
Then tilt that head down,
Towards my lips,
And slowly without hesitation, let those lips lock onto mine,
Last for awhile,
Like a few minutes or so,
Something you know, memorable,
That we can tell our grandkids about someday,
And maybe change the world with to

I just wanna be kissed by you,
Again,
Because when I did life made sense,
Not everything was so messy as they are now,
Life wasn't so scattered.
I didn't have a job or homework load as high as the mountains,
I just had you,
And that was all I needed,
Now,
I need that,
Thats all I need,
A kiss,
But not from just anybody's lips,
I wanna look up into your eyes and you automatically now that I need kissing badly,
And that feeling of knowing that life is gonna be ok and I'm gonna make it because someone else out there actually is fond of me even if I don't always look right, which is a rare occasion nowadays.
And when I'm bruised and hurt from a long day of useless work, it's ok because the warmth of your scrawny body is enough,
So just know I crave your mouth on mine,
Expressing affection that I need so **** badly,
I need more than air to keep my heart alive, for right now it's operating only on lies that boys keep trying to tell me,
"Your pretty, your perfect, your wonderful,"
In the back of my mine,
Why are they wasting my time when they barely know me…
But you know me so well, and when to kiss me, which i need right now
No matter how foolish or stupid that sounds,
I need you now
And those lips to tell me how much I matter

We began talking,
You know the process of getting to know one another,
But I'm not good at talking,
Flirting I can do,
But talk?
About what?
About our futures and passions and powers,
Our past and present and our potentials...
The political debates and our crumbling state of mind,
How we don't get enough sleep or how that irritating idea of waking up from our slumber,
Sure talking is great,
But it isn't real, ya know?
Like I can talk all I want and you wouldn't get to know anymore about me then you don't already know,
I mean, if you wanna get to know me, spend a day with me, read my diary, be more then just a friend,
Make me spill the beans and confess my broken dreams,
I mean talking won't get me to do that,
You gotta open me up,
Cut through all my damage,
Look past my scar tissue,
Force me to depend upon you,
Thats how I'll ever start to get to love you...

I want you not.
No, my heart can beat without you,
So I don't yearn so desperately for you, I wake not in the middle of the night waiting for you, not able to sleep until I see you,
I wait not at my phone wanting you to call me whispering words of earnest and encouragement,
Never do I walk around the park wondering where you are,
But I need you,
As stupid as it sounds,
You may not consume my every thought,
But your existence is vital to mine.
And I did not want nor ask for this.
But my heart and every heartbeat are in vain for living without you is impossible
For though I can go on not wanting you,
I am so utterly and desperately in need of you more then I have ever wanted to be or even should,
Nobody should need somebody so terribly,
But I regrettably do,
For without you a 'Me' would be well, a worthless ******* without meaning,
But with a you, that me has a purpose,
Though it not be finite or ideal,
It is a purpose whatsoever,
Although I should not need you so **** much,
Especially since you seem to be living life just fine without me,
But my thoughts and pounding heart  go on in the hope that one day you will actually need me,
As I have been in so long of need of you