Images of moonlit churches
Litter my mind
Blinding my peripheral vision
This is where i want you to be
With me
As i say goodbye to Satan
And open up one sided doors
With Jesus
Asking him not to play anymore
Games with me
I am not abandoned
Chess pieces
Found by little 9 year old boys
Can Jesus even bring me back
From the dead
Like Lazarus
I scream empty Amens
Of unheard wishes
Because you could never be mine
And maybe i've stopped my futile attempts
In making you fall in love with me
I am heaving in disasters
And happy goodbyes
From a father
Who never wanted me
My chest is jamming up
With memories
I tried to erase
Like punches to my throat
I cannot breathe
"Your children and wife should live in fear of you if you wish to succeed"
His words as he slapped his
Big hands into my 10 year old face
I remember my father as a monster
A beast
What about when
You begin to find a home
Within your sorry excuse
For a life
When you begin to find comfort
In your tragedies
My mother wants to die
She fantasizes about overdosing on pills
Those are not her nightmares
But her good dreams
Dreams about crashing cars
Into large poles
She'd rather
Feel the pain of not being alive
I cant control
Anything that's happening in my life
But my chest aches
Every time i remember
That you are not my lover
And never will be
My ******* crave a touch
They will never receive
Is this what heartache feels like
My psychiatrist told me
I could try to numb the pain
With over the counter pills
But they wouldn't save me
From my psychologically damaged mind
That maybe
I should just **** it up
Until i die
But perhaps
I want to find good
Within this hell
I consider a life