This burden
This overwhelming weight
From 9.8 to 1,008

Another failure
Another empty night
Will I ever get it right?

But there you are

Like the warm rays of sunlight
Like waking from a restful night
I see that it'll all be alright.

Your unconditional love,
Your overwhelming grace
I can see it in your face.

You are my Abba,
You look from above
And say, "You'll always be my love."

My body, when we are close,

instinctively pulls in closer

Like I am a star

And he is my binary twin.

Forever orbiting each other,

Pulled in by gravity

But never quite touching.

Because soon to follow

Would be utter

Destruction.

I am

   The sock you find in your sweater

   The tape ripping the paint  off      
   the wall

   The hair on your lip gloss

   That dress with those tights

   The barnacles on the ship surviving
    the toughest gale.

                         I cling.

My favorite space
Is the rift between
My sleep and yours.

While you all dream
I conquer the world,
Exploring new places.

When I finished grad school,
But I was still a fool.

When I worked hard to stay debt-free,
But the government still owned my property.

When I could feel my heart swoon,
But I knew the infatuation would be over soon.

When I felt safe breathing in your skin,
But the reason behind my anxiety was that very sin.

It's more than a feeling
Worse than anxiety
Not really apathy
I call it Ennui.

"How are you?"


I'm

A little tired

Anxious about things coming up

Glad to see you

Wondering if you're judging my ****** expression

Grateful to be at work

Missing somebody

Loving lots of somebodies

Worried I'll trip as I look up to make eye contact


"Good, and you?"

How can I
   Still miss you
      When you were
          Never mine?

I breathe in
That sweet taste of oxygen.
I feel it,
pushing on the walls of my lungs until they just might burst.
I love it.
The taste of life,
Of love,
Of "faster, better, stronger,"
Of "I can get through this,"
Of "this breath is mine."

Exhale

You are the air within me,
the breath my body needs.
I love you.
I need you.
You are my oxygen.
(You are mine)

I breathe in,
But...where is my oxygen?
I taste something bitter.
My lungs are bursting,
Or deflating.
They're dying.
Where are you now?

Quickly I inhale.
Short, quick breaths
Breaths with no air.
I'm struggling now.
I'll take CO2
I'll take smog or fog or that depleted ozone atmosphere,
But I think I'm in a vacuum.
Try breathing in a vacuum.


Abba, where are you now?

They say you are mightier than the raging sea
That your love is tumultuous and strong
They say you will break me apart
Again and again,
Until I’m soft and warm like the golden sands that once formed sharp, jagged rock.
So I wait
for you to break me open
To smash my will to pieces
But it seems that my heart is a stone
Sunken into the algae filled depths of a glassy pond
It’s starting to feel like from my very formation
My life has been
Set in stone.

There they are.
Waiting for the master puzzle-maker
To push them a little closer
Toward that "just-right" fit.

Soft, gentle curves
Filling right into the void of the one meant to connect.
Sharp angles
When put together make the perfect straight angle.

Corner pieces
Smooth on the outside,
But just as intricate on the inside as
The pieces that they match.

Then there's those center pieces
They've got so many empty spaces
It takes at least 4 others
to perfect.

These pieces,
when put together,
Make a beautiful
masterpiece

But my soul
Seems to be
misplaced from another puzzle.

Sharp corners
Don't fit another.
Missing spaces
That were once filled.

Now these gentle, sloping curves
Are sometimes pushed against another
In hopes that they will fit
In hopes of that "just-right" fit.

But once the puzzle is finished
Once the others have been made complete
It'll be quite obvious.

This piece will remain
beautifully
incomplete.

You say you want a smart one;
A creative prodigy.
But all I see
Are the girls you see.

Personal trainers, cosmetologists,
Don't see the point of college.
Could care less about pursuit of knowledge,
So maybe I'll hide my knowledge.

Concealing the girl you want
Becoming the girl you've had

You'd like to find a good girl,
One who doesn't sin.
But your girls have inked-up skin,
And they're comfortable in that skin.

Victorias without a secret
Walk around half ****.
They have a free spirited attitude.
I can feign that attitude.

Concealing the girl you want,
I've become the girl you've had.

There will be a time
Where the winds will blow,
And you'll realize
You'll bend but you won't break.
That'll be the day
You'll smile and say,
"I've won the war."

His eyes when they meet mine
Share a quick exchange of words
That can only be interpreted
By souls that bared all
Souls that shared all