I am writing to you in tar.
It dries quickly on this leaf of paper;
the room is hot and dry,
I fear it may ignite.
It doesn’t feel right;
this makeshift pen is imprecise
try as I might
to colour within the lines.
I guess it’s me and you really.
The moment says what I mean,
not me. It bursts like
a Molotov cocktail when it wants to,
but until then it waits
and waits
and waits
until I need to say it myself,
and eventually I do,
but it's clumsy and in the end
I say things I don’t mean,
and then, and here’s the kicker,
I feel bad, not you.
So if and when you read this,
and the tar sticks your fingers together,
and the paper bursts into flames
and singes your hands,
don’t think of self pity,
because you’ve drowned
in that too much already.
Think of the times
when you’ve wanted to say something
but ****** up the delivery.
It will scorch your skin, and leave a blister,
and it will hurt, of course,
but I’ll have a damp cloth ready
if you want it.

Alright fella, how’s you mate?
Just heard back from the hospital innit.
They got you that liver now?
Yeah man, sorted. Ahh yeah-
did I tell you ‘bout the other day?
There was this ******* mug
by the chippy and he mugged
me off. And I was like mate,
don’t mess - you’ve picked the wrong day
to be a *******, innit.
And he was all like, “Yeah?
*******, mate.” And right, now,
well, I’d had enough by now;
I wanted to teach this mug
a Life-Long Lesson, yeah?
So I said, “I’m not your mate,
and I will end you if you don’t *******, innit.”
Ah man – this was not his day.
You remember back on Tuesday,
when I got that knife that I still use now?
I had it on me, and I shanked him, innit!
Serves him right for being a mug;
sounds like one less ***** on the estate, mate.
Too right blud. Was well funny too, yeah –
cause he was just round the corner, yeah,
I just walked into the chippy like any normal day!
Just like, “Nah, no vinegar please mate.”
There’s never any filth around here now
so we can just shank mug after mug;
and we’ll make it a better place to live, innit.
Oh yeah, and I can get smashed now, innit!
We’ll get some pills and that, yeah?
Have us a party, but don’t invite Gaz, you mug –
he shagged Tracey the other day,
so it is gonna be well awkward now.
Ahh ****! I am well excited, mate.
And mate, make sure you bring some fit girls, innit.
You wanna come round now?* Nah, got a check-up. Yeah,
but it’s not gonna take all day! Shut up, you mug.