On the boughs the green remain
Lush, staunch and lasting
to crown the blossoms that happily nod
in the gentle breeze
The fickle though to lighter shades,
to amber and earthen turn
fall to dust and out of sight
soon to be but nothing

the minutes fly by
as we talk
we laugh
share tears
and joy
an idle thought
or moments of silence
the minutes turn to hours
days, weeks, months
but time an again
it'll be someone else
time and again
I'll shed endless tears
the tormented wonderings
why her and why not me
am I never good enough?

It is a fools game that i am partaking
and for the life of me I cannot escape
once again, again and again
I am where I am
a window pane shut close
upon the past anguish
only at times they peer through
a glass window

There are no blinds
for past hurts
and they sharpen when you ask
after a long hour of lighthearted chatter
do we have an understanding?
you are wary of my stubborn heart
and i think once again
why am i not good enough?
why must i stand only your ally?
forgiving, accepting, ever present, by your side
but only just beyond that line
that i must never overstep
and once again i ascertain
it must be that i am never good enough

Did you ever know
As you strolled with ease
Down your rosy path
I walked by your side gingerly
My path strewn with thorns
My soles raw from keeping up
tears ever inward

Yet I smiled to the world
alien and friendless
alone in my secret agony
a madness you see
no one would
begin to comprehend

Did you ever know
As you strode ahead
I could walk no more
You never looked back
Not a single glance
To where I stood
Helpless

Now I must find
my way back
To where I once belonged
All the way once again
This time alone…

I know you don't exist
you feigned your presence
every which way
a make believe
that blew me away

Who do you think i am though?
I do exist and i do not feign
no mystery in the rawness of my emotions
there's no make believe
only the human limitations

So it matters that i hurt
It matters that i need and want
it matters that it showed
whatever you may say
I existed, i declared, i loved, i cherished, I cared
and i suffered

That matters more else than all you've ever said.

Long after your gone the tears wont dry
Long after the silence the tears will flow
So dont welcome me with open arms
Once again they bind me like cold chains

And with a heart on a sleeve
And hope stretched raw
Taut are emotions
hanging by a thread

You close the door when you wish
You turn away when you wish
You stop listening when you wish
and I a mere shadow in your wake

Welcome the silence once again
Over the edge i fall again
crumble again like brittle glass
and in my head.....again and again and again..

With each breath, each turn, each moment
that you are not there
your absence is like a gaping hole
in my mind and every fibre of me.
It interrupts the flow of everything that i do
So then i can do nothing.
Without you there is no life, now liveliness, no energy
to thrive, to strive, to be alive.
My loneliness is dogged with weariness, and sorrow.
They spin eternally through time
returning to me like old unforgotten wounds.
I grasp at memories and hold them near
for warmth that deceives reality.
And deeper and deeper i fall.

The rolling stone gathers no moss
you are one
but in the human context
it simply means
you learn nothing
you gain nothing
you build nothing that lasts
all is fleeting
momentary and superficial within you
nothing stays long enough to nurture and flourish
whatever does stay with you, is crushed
to a poor existence
as you move relentlessly ahead
beyond this
you've never known , appreciated,  recognised or desired
you never will
all you do is
leave a path of destruction

Tears
like autumn leaves fall
leaving behind
a cold and bare