You took it
and i thought it would be nice
but it hurt bad
like a knife.
I thought our lips would meet
but instead you shushed me.
You stopped
i asked why
you said "I cant"
and I secretly cried.
You took it and I'm glad
but it didn't happen the way I thought it should have

I love you but i wish i didn't
because you give no love back
i sleep lonely next to my pillow
wishing it were your chest
I dont know how much more i can take
all the loneliness and regret
I love you and im glad i do
but i wish you would love me too

we had a rapport i never had before
you told me about myself
it made me feel real
showed me little bits of who I am

then you kissed me
and took it all away

you let me sleep with you
warm and comforted in your smooth arms
i didn't know happiness until that night

your mind was spinning
the page we were both on
turned before i had a chance to read it

you regretted it
you felt sick

why?
unlovable is the word
my mind repeatedly tells my heart

i hate the way you tell me
you ruin things but i want
nothing more than to hear it
again and again until there
is nothing left to ruin

I like to flood my mind with thoughts of you
It hurts my heart and makes my body a tomb
I don't find the happiness in the things I used to
Too preoccupied with holding onto the memories of you

Its in my heart
its in my mind
it never escapes this frail body of mine
it haunts me through the day
rests lightly at night
I bring it with me everywhere
though it is never in sight
its dark but invisible
loud but silent
painful but beautiful
haunting but calm
It's the pain of being me