Cross over.
She doesnt love you.
She hates you.

She is cold as your heartache
Home.
Warmth was a lie and you sigh

Fingernails crusted with dirt, dead cells
trail down your skin and begin to dig in
her eyes are sharp, sweet, soft, swords, hearts

Let it all end where it starts

Every step I've ever taken
always felt five feet away
all the words that they've mistaken
don't reflect the things i say

I dont think it's that confusing
boiled down, it's just a wall
if I'm over here not living
i won't, they won't hurt at all

I could walk in dying places
but now I have you to lose
if i fall it is a gamble
of if you or me will bruise

I have made these harsh connections
tied myself with rope and chain
hoping that with good intentions
with my goal there will be gain

i won't step into the present
I'll keep living in my dreams
but your choices will impact me
concrete isn't what it seems

I may never sink in feelings
never touch my life again
but your meaning wanders to me
just outside i have a friend

Whenever cracks run long and deep
the one inside says "Let's go sleep"
I see her dress brush turns and frames
and call to me by all my names.

Whenever I bleed deep inside
the one down there says "Let's go hide"
And so she hides and I will seek
until I've numbed the heart I keep.

where am i?

watching from a sideline.
feeling, seeing, stuck inside.

surfaces feel harder
on your knees.

i have looked at you
and seen your true face.
my unrighteousness
lies in this disgrace.

pain.

it is numbing when alone.
and so all my pain i own.

it is not for them to see
all the failure deep in me.
i can rot on my own.

i judge.
in moments of...unease.
and take the things i know
and will not let them go.

in my judgement hall i stand
here i feel the weight of shame
as the voices call my name.

there's red carpet on the stone
and my feet sink as i walk
my mouth sewn so i don't talk.

for my words will disgust me
so i do not dare to speak
and it hurts, my knees are weak.

i kneel down onto the floor
and i keep with me my words
as i'm crushed beneath the weight
of a special kind of hate.

i will not direct it out.
i will keep it locked inside.
judge it all for it is mine
what i know they'll see in time.

if i'm wrong that shame is fine.

The claims we have
are like chains.
A dictation to
never walk away.

Because we possess
and we preserve,
and to lose the best
is completely absurd.

Jealousy is only a symptom
of the hands that will not unclasp.
It is a side effect
that we work past.

It is a gentle nudge
to not squeeze too tight;
readjust the sight,
bring what's right to light.

The unshaking foundation
does not like to be touched
it is harmless, we know
but it feels like too much.

It says "leave me alone"
I've been through far too much
to risk any small cracks,
or leave this loss to luck.

But the truth is, it knows
that when all the world falls
it will still stand upright
mortar not chipped at all.

We stand tall.
Only together will we ever fall.

Oppose me.
You are hardly brave enough
to look me in the eye.
Or do you only subconsciously
run and hide.

Your eyes look with want.
And you claim with your mouth
and you take with your lips
as you pull from their hearts
taking long, thirsty sips.

You say, you claim
you're playing the game.
Of "I care." of "I'll always be there."
and maybe that's true
but what's in it for you?

Self sacrifice is esteemed
worn with pride.
But you? You hide.
Keep escape by your side.
A facade in the mind
wasting everyone's time.

You claim that you observe
but then you must be blind.
Or the parts full of want
have control of your mind.

There's a network of turns
where the bad things appear
to be roses and cherries and worlds without fear.

But the shades of your passion
they glow pink, orange, red.
They're not shades you admire
those are locked in your head.
Vibrant colors of others...
you wish you were instead.

My eyes are fixed
upon your heart
the windows show
me only parts.

I sit about
ten feet away
to give you space
and prove I'll stay.

I do not want
to own your soul
just stay with you
'til you feel full.

And if we sit
here for a while
perhaps, in thought
you'll softly smile.