At a time when warmth had taken leave
and emptiness abounded;
At a place where feelings had no home
and stability was unfounded.
An existence where all faith seemed lost
and hope no longer sounded;
I caught but just a glimpse of love
with a soft, white, light around it.

The light was never constant;
it just flickered now and then
but in the darkness while it shone,
I sensed it's energy within.

I began to greet the darkness,
no longer dreading night.
I'd look upon the empty space
and know that there is light.

Closer to my heart that light
would get with each new day,
and soon my soul was wrapped in love
in such a tender way.

I could not feel his body
yet, he held me in his arms.
I could not hear his whisper
yet, he soothed me with his charm.

He could not see my loving eyes
yet, he softly dried my tears.
He knew not where my pillow lay
yet, he knew that I was near.

Where two souls meet and join in heart
there is singing from above,
and Eden is created
within this silent love.

Why am I here?
What sin be so bold,
as to take away all the love one might hold?

Leave me empty.
Take from me no more.
My pain self-inflicted uncontrollably soars.

Why are you here?
With whose eyes do you see,
as to compound each vision of undesirable me?

Leave me empty.
Take from me no more.
Your cup runneth over.
You've evened the score.

How can they judge me?
By whose book do they rule?
There is strength in the masses,
their hate ignites fuel.

Leave me empty.
Take from me no more.
This shell that I live in,
has now locked the door.

Like a favorite tune from a youth long remembered,
your love soothes this heart, so weathered, yet tender.

A performer I stand before you, not proud;
All chairs of hope empty; betrayed by the crowds.

Were ticket sales halted?  Is popularity gone?
Or, did the singer quit vocals in the midst of her song?

Emotions now tremble deep in my being,
all judgment impaired; only beauty I'm seeing.

Are you an image that I being lonely created?
Or the kindred I've wept for and anticipated.

Perhaps an unwritten score or a dream yet-to-be,
we've transcended all boundaries
our souls
you and me.

In the shadowed depths of a sinking heart,
the surface can't be seen.
No helping hands.  No coast guard.
No Savior to redeem.

Trust; like unknown treasure,
lost beneath the sand.
Love; now reeks; polluted waste;
an illusion in demand.

Cold and wet surround me,
my energy depleted;
the weighted pull of giving in,
my tired soul defeated.

I dread the sordid outcome;
feel deserving of more grace;
yet, struggle still for one more breath
as I envision your sweet, face.

I am not
(to my surprise).

I am not.
Do you realize?

I am not.
Where can I hide?
(from myself).

I used to be.
(I didn’t appreciate).

I used to be.
I know that it’s too late.

I used to be.
How did I choose this fate
(for myself)?

I wish I was
(what I could have been).

I wish I was.
Why can’t I forgive my own sin?

I wish I was.
Limited time to begin
(to recover myself).

I wish I was
( ‘nt).
Seeing the pain within
(my sensitive self).

I am not
(to no surprise).

I am not.
I now realize.

I am not.
No longer can I hide
(from your judging eye).

Open me up.

She hid in the closet under ***** piles of clothes
“Hide” whispers mom “until the bad men do go”
Innocence quiet; unknowing her fate
Hours pass by, the eve now grows late.

Three years on this planet
Addicted at birth; the wings of an angel
Doomed to a hell on this earth

Slowly the cover removed from her head
Weak and hungry she gazes, hopes and then dreads
The blue man speaks softly, aware of her fear
“Come out my dear child”, your savior is here.

Her heart races wildly “my mommy!” she screams
Guilt envelopes her innocence; ashamed of her deeds
“I be good, Mr.”, “get my mommy”, she pleads

Her small heart now broken; water pours from her eyes
A cub alone trembling; abandoned by her strong pride.

Blue man explains the only way he knows how
“Mommy is sick, and you can’t see her now”.
He hands her a bear, takes her for a long, ride
A new house she enters, from her “new mom” she hides.

Blue men and suit men; ladies in dresses
Ask questions too much; adding confusion and stresses.

Days turn into weeks, and weeks into years
Her age now is six; to rules she tries to adhere.

Strange people revolve, another house she plays in
A “new family” surrounds. Still she rebukes her own sins.

The system that “saved” her, the people who enslave her
Attempt to repair her; as they continually fight the thought of defeat:

They ask her the same thing again and again…
“What do you need for or wish for, my sweet?”

She answers the same as she did on that bad day,
“I wish blue man didn’t find me when I wiggled my feet”.

Don’t knock on my heart today, the shadows have won and I can’t find my way
to unlock the bolt and let you in to see, those vulnerabilities inside of me.

Don’t dial my love this year, its meandering, lost; forever, I fear
Wandering loose as it mocks my hurt soul, laughing in jest as it goes for a stroll.

Don’t reach for my hand anymore, it remembers the pain of the skin that you tore
Carefully scheming the timing just right; pretending to love as you sliced with the knife

Don’t look in the depth of my eyes, I’m far too aggrieved to show what I hide
You smile disavowing that things are all wrong; content to ignore and continue on.

Don’t lie in my ears I plead, it’s been too many times and my trust won’t accede.
A prevaricator’s psyche is one to abhor; my worlds upside-down, and the ceilings the floor.

Don’t knock on my heart today, the distance of “us” is too far way,

Priorities matter, you laid yours in line.  “Congratulations” I cry,
you achieve what you work for in time.