It was the end of September when I first laid eyes on you,
You were much younger than me, what should i do?

Should I have just have a fling? A one night stand?
Or live out my life with you hand in hand?

My mind was racing, my heart skipped a beat,
No one ever knows just from the first time they meet.

We talked a while and had some laughs too,
I questioned myself if my soul mate was you.

There must be some reason for why we had met,
Seven years have passed and I still haven't got it all figured out yet.

I still get confused and a bit insecure,
Is it still all for us if I'm not completely sure?

We've had good times and bad times on this bumpy road,
But I know when things get heavy you gladly carry the load.

I know I'm not perfect nor am I fully sane,
But I know that no matter what you will always be my shelter from the rain!!

How did i get here? What have I become?
I cannot feel my heart, my mind is completely numb!

I try to open my mouth to speak the words I feel,
It's blank inside my voice..is this happening?..is this real?

I am baffled at the silent words that didn't pass my tongue,
I worry now that I'll never sing the songs I've never sung...

I try again, this time much louder, just to hear the air,
I am now confused at this silence that isn't even there...

I try not to panic..I try to look at ease,
I try not to say anything..but do everything to please...

I wear this fake smile for you to see
how happy you think you are making me...

I choke on my tears so you won't see
  the broken woman you made me to be...

I try to find the love that we lost somewhere
  in the beginning of our first lust affair...

I wish for the way things were for us like before
  but as Edgar Allen Poe's "The Raven" said...Nevermore!!

I miss us!
Not the us that we are now, but the us that we once were.
The us that was so full of life and love.
I miss the days of being excited over the sight of your number on my phone.
I miss the flutter of butterflies in my nervous stomach every time you were near.
I miss the feeling I had all over my body with every little touch of your hands.
I miss feeling like a teenage couple discovering love for the first time.
I really miss us!
I miss the goosebumps all over my skin from your lips against mine.
I miss the way you used to look at me as though you'd found a great Treasure.
I miss the talks we used to have that never made any sense.
I miss those days, I miss those moments, I miss us.

I drift around all alone passing through lives, hoping to make a difference in mine, but pushing for a difference in you...
All I do is float around in exsistance...never truly living, feeling, or being...just hovering over waiting to be fluttered away...
Hoping i will be drifted into the right life...the One...
I float...nothing there for me but air...i drift away...
Alone...

I knew you wouldn't call, I know you just don't care...
I used to think you loved me, but you were never there...
I think if I let you go, you will choose to come back to me...
I know I am wrong for thinking this, so i'll choose to set you Free!

Nothing from Nobody, that's all I got...

Nothing from Nobody, I guess they forgot...

Nothing from Nobody, I expected much more...

Nothing from Nobody, I feel like a *****...

Nothing from Nobody, It hurts deep inside...

Nothing from Nobody, the feelings I hide...

Nothing from Nobody, they do not care...

Nothing from Nobody, they never were there......

I live inside my head sometimes to hide from the reality I know,
The magic there is much more real and it is hard to let it all go...

I close my eyes and imagine my world is a bright and colorful field,
I can't help but use it against this world as some kind of unbreakable shield...

But then I have to open my eyes and face the day ahead,
Tears fall from my miserable eyes, I fear the fantasy is dead...

I take a breath and let it out and step forward in this place,
I'm all grown up, too old for games, reality is what I embrace...

Sometimes I escape back to my world deep inside my brain,
It is when I have to come back here that gives me so much pain...

I guess it's still the child in me that's holding on so tight,
Cause I find myself back in that field when I sleep at night...

I guess you could say I'm delusional and need to open my eyes,
But in my heart I know this world fills us with too many lies...

So keep your reality and grown up ways and keep your mind closed tight,
I refuse to stay here with you, I'm looking forward to sleeping tonight...

I am dead inside, I cannot hide...This pain I feel is very real...I am all alone when you're here and gone...I was stupid to believe...
My Heart You Deceived!

As I sit here in this place,
I can't help to notice the smile on your face...

It was only last year that you stole my heart,
At that very moment my life made a start...

You are my blessing, my Angel from above,
I sit and wonder how I was blessed with so much love...

You have my heart in your tiny little hands,
And my undivided attention at almost all of your demands...

I not only have you to share my life with, but two others as well,
I pray I see you all grow old, but only time will tell...

Things aren't as I dreamed back then,
I live in a reality of hope and sin...

I vaguely recall a time of being care free,
But these are only memories of things I wanted to be...

I take a gander at the things I now possess,
And greatly appreciate all that I am blessed...

This is my new dream to look forward to,
I am thankful that I get to share it all with you!

Sitting in the window searching for release,
Looking through the molten glass of time to come at ease...

Staring at the fog beyond the wooded green,
Waiting for a shadowy mist no one has ever seen...

The thoughts come flooding in my skull, too much for me to bear,
I sit down at my journal writing down the words up there...

I continue writing til my hand is quivering with pain,
The words I've written are the words that keep me rightly sane...

I stop and sit and read my poem before I share with you,
My words are all I have to give and hope that they will do!

The wind is blowing softly...silently...slow,
The clouds are floating above the earth, looking down below...

Beyond the stars...behind the moon...throughout the blackest hole,
Between the cracks...under the dust...inside the empty soul...

The blessing of life in a man made hell, wandering the streets of rot,
Walking through the atmosphere of hatred without a plot...

A shadow in the distance of your own imagination shows you where to go,
Tired of traveling...looking for answers...always needing to know...

Walking toward the frozen, empty piece of heart,
The answer was never there...It is not the place to start...

My tears, they fall..
I am nothing at all.

My heart, it breaks..
My soul fully aches.

This pain, I feel..
The hurt inside is real.

The darkness, inside..
It no longer wants to hide.

The anger, in me..
Wants to be set free.

No one, around..
Not even a sound.

The loneliness, created..
The demon I've hated.

There are so many things inside of my head...
Things i hate to think of...
Memories that I dread...

There are feelings in my heart and a pain inside my chest...
Feelings of broken dreams...
Life that was at its best...

I have so much to offer, yet nothing left to give...
You took all that I had in me...
Except my will to Live!!

I had a dream last night about flying through the air,
I was soaring through the clouds without a hint of care...

The wind was caressing the sides of my face,
I accepted this flight with loving embrace...

With my eyes closed tight, my heart beating fast,
I knew I had found peace within, finally...at last...

I swooped around, in and out through the sky so blue,
And when I woke, it was clear, i would be okay without you...

Why would you do what you did?
Was i not worth the fight?

I did everything for you,
Did i not do anything right?

I know we had our problems,
I know things sometimes got bad

I know we don't always get along
But was she worth the 6 years that we had?

I hurt inside and just want to die
I feel sick and empty inside

I want to hate you but it's so **** hard
But i have to come to the realization that you lied!!

Shhh...listen...Can you hear what's being said?
I can hear the words around me...or is it all inside my head?

Shhh...listen...Don't you hear the sound?
I can hear them whispering...from underneath the ground!

Shhh...listen...Open up your mind,
See the CrAZy all around...it isn't hard to find...

There He was, within your grasp, with nothing left to hide.
He was ready to make moves with You, building side by side.
A man with nothing to offer, yet, He had so much to devote.
He was a perfect dream to have, better than anyone wrote.
He was real and full of so much life, right there in front of You.
He said the right words, did the right things, it was something you never knew.
He was willing to walk a mile with You, if ever You had given Him the chance.
He would have given You all things you deserve from a whirlwind of romance.
He stood there waiting for what he could never hold.
There You were, within His grasp, living with Your heart so cold.

I'm sorry I'm not her, the woman of your dreams.
I didn't ask to be with you, you asked to be with me.
I'm sorry that I fall short of what you've expected.
I was exactly who I was the moment that we met.
I'm sorry who I am is not who you wanted for yourself.
I may not be her for you, but I am her for someone else.

I died today, by your words, you're tongue sharp as a blade.
I died today from what you said, my feelings for you fade.
I died today, you didn't care, you just kept on and on.
I died today from my broken heart, my love for you is gone.

Being your #10 is not where I want to be,
#1 should start with me.

#9 is just as bad,
Being here is really sad.

#8 isn't all that grand,
I should be #1 hand in hand.

#7 is just a shame,
To be placed right here is really lame.

#6 isn't all that great,
Being your #1 should be my fate.

#5 is just a joke,
This should be reserved for other folk.

#4 isn't fun,
Where I belong is #1.

#3 is nothing new,
But I should be #1 to you.

#2 is almost there,
But to still be here isn't fair.

#1 is where your woman should be,
If I'm not here,  she's not me.