That moment you realize that everyone hates you,
And always has. And you are the least important person
In everyone's life, and you are too cowardly to **** yourself.

You wish you we're deaf
So you never have to listen
To my senseless stupidity,
And mindless whining.

There is a big difference
Between
Cheating
And betrayal.
The damage from cheating
Can last a long time.
The damage from betrayal
Can last a lifetime.

I know I am dying,
And I can hear your escalating laughter.
The whole time you knew,
And kept playing your game.
Congratulations,
You won.

Your words are elaborate,
In their condemnation of me.
So much better than me,
You have to stand on a stool to kick me.

Thats all they are

.

That you are happy, living your perfect lives.
You took the best I had, and left me here worthless.

and you know it

I don't know what's good for me,
I don't know where I belong,
But it is undeniable,
That when I woke up in the early morning hours,
And saw your face, I felt a warm feeling I haven't felt in so long.
I can't account for the whereabouts of my better judgement.
But I can say for certain I want you in my life,
And I will meet you where I can, and share what I can,
Because, even though I am selfish, you accept this,
Others hurt me with my own faults,
You embraced them, and came back into my life,
When I wasn't sure what to blame,
For that lead tarp feeling around my heart.
I need comfort and freedom,
But I absolutely need you
In my life...
I'm just coherent enough,
To put the water on in the morning,
I wish I could take the easy bets,
And flip my cards with no regrets,
But I would see you again,
And it would tear me down...
I've been torn down so long,
I want to build something,
That won't crumble
Like a house of cards,
I have such mixed feelings,
I know I can be happy either way,
I win some cash,
And buy some champagne,
Flash a smile, and the night is accounted for,
I just don't want to be the origin of more love tragedies,
I break everything but even.
Just tell me true,
If we can do this, without jealousy
Sharpening the knives, and angry voices condemning.
I want what you want, and what she wants.
But can any of this be worked out,
I know the odds of every hand,
But this kind of math eludes me.
I need a long walk off a short pier,
A cold beer, and some wind in my hair.
I need what I had, that night long ago,
When you popped in
And shared words,
I'm so sorry I disrespected you,
But you know how I am,
I am a steel roller of emotions.
I pave the way towards smooth love,
Or flattened passion.
Just understand
I need you to stay.

The tears shed,
by the cup full,
wild claims of love and devotion,
the heart rending claims of
people believing they were in the way
of other peoples happiness
when it has always been me.
It has always been me in the way
of everyones happiness.
Never once have I done anything right.
I'm sorry,
for being in the way this long.

It's pretty clear
You want to jump ship,
Sick of my ****,
Your flirting in front of my eyes,
And that's fine,
I know I've never been enough,
For you, for my mother,
For anyone.
So go ahead,
And jump ship.
Swim with the fish.
That you know you love more than me.
Just don't expect me to throw you a life preserver
When the tide drags you down,
I hope you can breath under water like her.
I hope you ******* drown.

To me its all the same,
But when it rains
I don't complain...
Because it gives me an excuse
To sit around the house in sweats
Drinking Irish coffee...
Other than my being lazy,
And a bit of a lush.

Does not exist

I see the impression of your lips
On faces all over town.
From here to Carson city.
You touch whatever you want,
Whether its for you, or not.
You call me a ****.
Well then we are made for each other.

If
I had a middle name
I'm pretty sure it would be
Jealous.

I've heard every line in the book,
Sweet talkers and liars
From both sides of the tracks.
I can tell without looking,
I can smell the lies on them.
But there is no lying in your lines.
You lighten the weight of the world with your words.
If I could do for you what you do for me,
I'd do it for all eternity,
But I'm not eloquent like you.
I spent more time getting into trouble
Than learning in school.
Before you, It took two glasses of wine
For me to loosen up.
Another cup to get me ready for bed.
I used to wake up with wine on my breath,
But what you do is so much better
Than three glasses of wine.
You are three glasses of wine,
Al Green on the stereo
Capable hands working the kinks out of my shoulders,
And A warm mouth delivering kisses to my neck.
You are a miracle worker,
Because you never fail to make me smile.

You are.
You always have been.
You hate me.
You always have.
I was never your friend.
I loved you.
You never loved me.
I am your least favorite,
And I always was.
Just admit it all,
And I will go away.

I want a man
who can do
the impossible...

Like folding fitted sheets.

Honorable Mention.

You mock my dead body.

Hated and belittled by everyone I know.
Never will it dissipate.
Forever will I feel this way.
Never was I worth it.

My mother told me I was no good.
Never enough, not pretty enough,
Not servile enough.
I knew I was the number two.
I knew that her love for me was not the same as my sister.
She told me it, and she showed me it.
I gave her all my love,
But she treated me like absolutely nothing.
Incessantly, and that's fine.
I'm glad she's dead.

It ***** being second string,
Mocked and belittled for having deep feelings.
Openly betrayed and wickedly abused psychologically.
Over and over and over again.

Foolishly thinking that you were actually worth a ****

I don't understand why
You can't see
I am
Not worth the titanic effort
You put forth each day
Just to bring me some happiness.
Your eyes must be faulty,
Or you must be touched in the head.
The few things I do for you,
Are nothing compared to all you do for me.
I'm selfish, petty, and cruel.
Either you can't see
Or you see and don't care...
Either way...
Thank you.

Wandering down a twisted maze,
I can't find the doorknob,
The ten watt bulbs are flickering
I do not know which wall is which.
I sting, I itch.
I am burning, its stifling,
I'm dying in this maze.

I went to the chip shop yesterday and ate a year off my life.
They have fried everything there.
Fried macaroni and cheese and fried pizza.
Fried snickers bars and fried twinkies.
I know the stuff if murdering my heart,
but I'm too old to care anymore.
Some things are worth it.