i wish I could show you
the pictures I took today
on my first hike of spring

they are pretty spring flowers
so fragrant in bloom
lilacs and wildflowers

they tell me, in sweet whispers,
"spring is really, truly, here"
and I feel my winter blues, disappear

I cant say that this heals me
or fills me with joy
but it gives a small tint, of hope

as I watch the birds flitter
from branch to branch
I let my imagination soar.

I climb up to the tippy top of a tree.
and wait. after all is still,
nature resumes.

and I watch. and it gives me
hope.
and faith.

that life will go on.
even when I don't really want it too.

i think I love him
oh god, not again
why? hes nice and so swee..
because, you idiot, hes to far out of bounds
no hes not, im sure hed be willing
he shouldn't be, don't you understand anything!?
but im sure he...
no, if you loved him, youd not touch him
but hes just so lov..
don't even say the word, I cant believe you sometimes
cant you settle for that one stolen half kiss?
why should I? I don't see why we cant have
what we need
you don't need him, its lust, just like before
don't you see, hes broken just like we..
that doesn't mean he can fix us!
but two halves make a whole
cant you see? hed be good for us
he cares already, I know he..
don't be pretentious,
how long have know him?
well, times not really important,
our feelings...
*if ive told you once
ive told you a million times
your job is to pump blood
and that is
it!!

I hold the blade close to my skin
My demons whisper in my ear why not
My angle loudly protests,
you can't she says
you have people that love you
You can't disappoint them
My demons whisper, its your choice
you shouldn't. It's not right.
To harm yourself, remember, harm none?
The demons whisper back, but self harm,
Harms no other. You only hurt yourself
it hurts the ones you love
where are the ones you love
When you need them?
They are not here.
You only have the blade
I finally break, I sink the blade deep
I am filled with remorse
Instant regret
But I knew it would happen, eventually
For you see, my demons,
Are numerous enough,
That all of them whispering,
Is still louder, then my single angel screaming.
And their temptation
Is sweet enough, to make me forget,
That the angel knows best.

My alarm clock screams at me to get up
I hit snooze
My first choice of the day I choose
To procrastinate

I don't want to get up
I've barely slept
A mere three hours of rest
I'm tired

I don't want to go to school.
That place is hell
I'm teased relentlessly
For things I can't control

I don't want to leave early
To go see the shrink,
And get more unwanted meds prescribed  
And those annoying lectures, about how my choices affect me

But at the end of the day,
There's a silver lining.
At least it's Friday,
And I don't have to go home.

I don't believe in your god.
I know, you think I'll burn in hell.
I believe in my gods though.
That has to count for something

I follow the old traditions.
Many gods, they personify
The natural occurrences
the ancients couldn't explain.

I know you think I'll burn in hell
And I know you think I should be scared.
And I know you want to "save me"
By converting me to your god.

But my ancestors roll in their grave
At the thoughts of me abandoning
The traditions I've learnt from my family
They're your family too, don't you remember?

It's your sister that taught me,
About the myths of our people
About the time when we thrived
And celebrated our life

Instead of constricting it,
to the words of a book.
Instead of giving it so many rules
Instead of having threats and promises of a hell or heaven

But to each their own.
You live how you want
Just let me live,
how i want, too.

I hate you more
With every breathe you take
Every word you say
Every bruise you leave

I try so hard
To avoid hurt
I don't talk to many people at school
I don't stray far from my own little world

Just to come home, every day
To you screaming in my face
Your words linger in my ears
"I wish I didn't have you" ringing the most clear

I'm worthless, and lazy, you say
I'm selfish, because your sick
And I don't do enough to help you
By cooking the meals, and cleaning the house

Your injured, you say you fell,
So I need to step up,
And do more, to keep the stress off you
And help you heal

But you don't sound sick
When you yell at me
And you don't look injured,
When you hurt me

See? Your standing now
Yelling as you come near
Screaming right in my ear
The same old, tired words.

And as you push me,
And I fall
Only one thought rings clear
"You don't look sick, anymore, mommy dear"