i can hold myself
when i need to
but that doesn't mean that
i enjoy being lonely
or that i'm okay
with taking care
of myself.

sadness swoons my
whole entire body
not a single happy
relic lives in these bones.

i dread living
and i dread waking up
everyday only
for it to be worse than
the day before.

the closest i will ever get to you
is in my dreams.
when you're old and weak
and i can barley see a thing.
i reach my arms out to
touch you but you crawl away
and with every bone in my body
i break down until i can
no longer feel.

it was never about the way your hands
fit around my waist perfectly
or the way your lips pressed against mine like a puzzle piece.
it was all the gaps in between
it was all the fuzzy phone calls
it was kissing you in all of my favorite places,
the places i swore i would never take anyone.  
it was running my fingers through your hair.
it’s jumping off of the building
knowing you will be there to help me fly.

For a time i was alone
and i was fine
until my urges awoke me
and i found myself under his grip
smiling into his eyes
and breathing into his lungs.
We lived off of each other for quite some time
until i could no longer
receive his oxygen.

If you're every lucky enough
to love someone
as much as i love him
please tell him
everyday
as many times
as possible
all of the reasons
you love him
and i assure you
he will use
those reasons
as reasons
to love himself