One more season we pass through
Remaining me, remaining you
While some things never change
Others are set in an opposite motion
Hurtling continuously, inevitably, inherently toward "change"
I know we'll never be the same now just as we will never be who we were at the end of summer. But winter is coming and spring and I can't we to see who we become. Who we've been. Who we are. I'm fine with change so long as you remain constant in this change with me. Love you dearly, love you often. Happy months happy time happy season

I'm not going anywhere
my time with him is cemented and fluid in my mind
it runs through my veins and steins my every thought

wake up to the sound of your fleeting heart
and all the bands you show me and books you recommend, they reserve a special folder in my thoughts and in my soul
and even the things that are mine-the things I share with you-they are no longer completely mine
the smell of you lingers on these things that once defined me

where am I gonna land if I fall for you?
I think it's been happening and I was too scared to admit it.  Because these things are so fragile and if I say it out loud maybe it will evaporate like warm air on cool Maine mornings and the cool will be too much for words so soft.  And once they turn into silvery swirls of reality-I will only catch a glimpse that they were real after all and they would be gone permanently

like a river flows surely to the sea
I know this life is flowing
and I know many things we must find peace with
I know often times the river forces us along and we must let go of things never meant to be
But I'm not ready to let you go
and I'm ready to fight the current
but I'm secretly hoping it's pulling for us

can I be close to you
and for everything that night was, for all the beautiful moments we shared, my favorite was lying there because I could hear your heartbeat and it was racing.  For the first time ever you weren't composed or mysterious or unknown. For the first time ever you were exposed and raw and I could see it in everything about you...you were scared too.

moonlight through the pines
so when I come back this time I just need to remember your smile and I am comforted because when I think of you smiling, I am reminded that I am coming home.

of all the people I'd hoped it'd be you*
and so the two of us laid there and tried to figure out how to be one.
I fell asleep to the sweet melodies that had promised me you so many times.  And everything was perfect because I woke up to the last song on the album which was my favorite.  I thought I would wander back into the beautiful sleep that had only just recently relinquished me from its soft and consuming grasp.  But then you did what you do.  You turned and kissed me.  And it was a goodnight kiss.  But it wasn't a goodbye kiss.

I am the last minute suitcase shoved full girl
I am the up for anything girl
Most importantly, I am the girl you hurt.
Now my heart is tearing in half like Jesus' bread at the last supper
and there are a thousand conversations going on saying things like,                                      "I can't believe she hasn't completely broken down yet, I would."
But I don't want you back because you left me bruised and broken
But I don't want you to be anyone else's
You never liked the idea of calling each other baby, “it was too possessive” you said
But at this point, every ounce of me is aching to hear you whisper, "I love you."
You were always so shy and I was always the social one
My heart has never felt fuller than when we were us
When I was yours, you were mine, we were us, and us was ours.
I hope you're happy, I really do. I hope your heart is still 60% in love with swimming, and 40% your mom's, because we all know there is no other man that can light up her world quite like you.
I hope you have fun in college, I hope you wake up not regretting anything. I hope breathing, getting out of bed, smiling and laughing is coming a lot easier for you than for me.
I remember the day you walked into my life, you were at swim practice. And so was I.
I don't say we or us anymore because it would force me to become a witness to my own emotions.
Hating you hurts me so much, but talking to you is like talking to the barrel of a loaded gun.
I've had glazed over eyes while looking all around me
Looking for any sort of trace of you,
It's like I am a CSI looking for a killer. I always hoped you would never be that killer but I have been proven wrong so many times I can't turn right any more. Only Left.
You: right-handed, tall, blonde hair, blue-eyed would have been saved by ******; I wouldn't have been so lucky. We used to joke about that.
Maybe I need you, or maybe I just think I do.
This is me dancing across the ocean of my emotions;
This is me dancing in front of you to a broken-hearted love song trying to remind you that I am here.
If I could write you a letter, it would say this:
Dear Love, I am yours, Love, Me.

How long did you think you would last
Going from friend to friend so fast
Only calling when you needed a ride
Or to escape from your own confined mind
Remember when you were still my friend
And for a quick fix, you let it end
I miss the talks we used to share
Obviously, our memories, you could spare
But so desperately, you loved the lies
And wouldn't escape the hallucinating highs
People were the ultimate expense
No one had time for a proper defense
It started with cigarettes and graduated to ****
In no time at all, you were popping ecstasy
You wouldn't listen to our debate
You'd long ago decided your fate
So here it is, my final word
I'm done with you, set free the bird
There is nothing left for you to hear
Goodbye, little brother, unwise beyond your years

Tonight I have no words.
I cannot grandly sweep my pen
In flowing arcs across the page,
Drawing little soft impressions
(little soft depressions)
That show how lovely pain can be.
I cannot play the great Creator
Who rips a vital pulsing mass
from out His chest,
And molds still-beating clay
With a sad old potter’s gentle hands
into a little melancholic harpist
who plucks the heartstrings perfectly.

No, I have no words that fit
Like others have made fit before,
composing language to fit all the inward lines and curves
(I once knew a few of her’s)
that twist and turn and come entwined,
(the twists and turns of long ago)
crying “Lacrimosa!” in some wee hour
as the breeze blows a lacy curtain back.
I am no Aeolian instrument
Sounding a sweet ethereal chord into the night.
I am the vacuous breath left behind in silence
When the musician’s music stops —
A tuneless referent —
An empty exclamation mark
Howling noiselessly in space,
Meaning nothing
And everything, all the same.

!

To live my life without you,
Would result in the loss of mine.
For I'd rather blow my mind into oblivion,
Then to not be able to see your smile shine.

Ive always taken you for granted,
And I can not apologize enough.
You've taught me to keep myself together,
To look forward and remain tough.

You have always been my hero,
I don't believe I ever told you that.
You've saved me from all the bad in the world,
There's no way i can thank you back.

I want to make it up to you,
The pain Ive caused through out the years.
I want to erase myself from your mind,
So you can look back without the tears.

But to do that would be selfish,
Because I'm the "Lords gift to you".
You beautiful fool, I am no gift,
Just a monster the devil helped construe.

I hate myself for hurting you,
The beautiful angel that you are.
You deserve some one better than I,
Some one who surpasses me by far.

I am so sorry, my loved one,
For the damage I have done.
I'm sorry you have the burden,
Of calling me your son.

I'm sorry my dear, Ive failed you,
Your unconditional love could not keep me calm.
I am ashamed of myself, and all my actions,
I do not deserve to call you mom.

You came along
Like a fire burning bright
Like a thief in the night
You came along

You came all wrong
You stole my heart at a glance
I didn’t even have a chance
You came all wrong

What to do?
Should I welcome it or fight it?
There’s no way I can deny it
I want you

I’m standing on the ledge
Might as well dive instead of fall
Give nothing less than my all
Slip over the edge

Now I know where I belong
With you it must be
You mean everything to me
You came along

I thought I was in love with him
It's possible I was.
What's not discernible is
Whether I fell
Out of love
Or whether
We've just changed.

Has he always been
Just like this?
Such a fake?
Such a materialist?
Such a conceited being?
Was I blind?

I'm concerned that I wasted a
Year of my time
On someone that was
Already
Too far gone.
Someone who never had intentions
Of improving.

Was I blind?
Or has he gone down drain?
It's gag-inducing
Nauseating
Sickening
To listen to him speak
To watch him walk
His words bear no weight
Every syllable empty and meaningless
His personality is
A literal mask
There is no human within that
Costume.
There is no soul within that
Being.

That being.
That being that caused my
Infatuation.
A whole year.
If I could go back,
I'd learn quicker.
I'd see deeper
Sooner.
So much time wasted.
So many words wasted.

I don't want those 5 nickels
I want my time back.
You wasted my time.
You never had any intention of catching me.
You never had any intention of changing ways.
And now you're even
Worse yet.
Don't tell me that
You're trying.
Your words hold no meaning.
Utter nonsense.
It's all a lie.
You are a lie.