she says, "these emotions, they drag me down to the bottom of the sea"

**Under the sea is where I'd rather be than in this barren land of apathy

Listen to the bed of withered roses
Listen to the shadows dancing at night
You are alright, Yes you are alright.
Where did you stash your synchronicity?
Speak to the walls and tell them your stories
The wallpaper scorches and peels from ash
Only you can pass, only you can pass.
The machine’s weight grows heavy with old age.
The mirror reflects the story’s villain
Camouflage the white linoleum floor
I’m waiting for more, I’m waiting for more.
This blanket feels warmer when it is damp.
Chronic nostalgia bleeds the willow dry
Concrete structures blot out the sun’s embrace
You will stop this soon it is just a phase.
Or so the middle-aged ghost story goes.

Often times, silence is a beautiful thing.
Hauntingly beautiful.
But when evening comes to a close,
and the night sky becomes as black
as your soul,
the silence becomes terrifying.
Your own thoughts begin to close in on you,
creating a barrier
between you and any solace you could ever hope to find.
The silence begins to make your skin crawl,
and you long for the noises of the outside world.

I may not have the glamorous sheen,
The moves, the grooves of sweet sixteen,
I get angry soon and am suspiciously keen –
But I’m your Is, Will Be and Has-Been
So don’t send me away honey,
For I’m your crazy, wayward queen.

I fight with you and punch your nose,
Of my short temper you get overdose,
Just smile at other girls – you’ll know what I mean,
But don’t send me away honey –
I’m your crazy, wayward queen.

So what if in our last quarrel I pulled your hair?
When you walk, I worship the surrounding air;
You my soul, you’re tall and lean,
The one that I dreamt of as a lonely teen,
You’re my love and my war and everything in-between;
Don’t send me away honey,
For I’m your crazy, wayward queen.

Mental health is not a choice
It becomes a defect
It's visible
Yet everyone remains
Convinced of this new fashion statement
Was my elect
And unstableness
Is my preference
Except here I am
Screaming on the inside
For normal functions
And a stable mindset

I am at constant endurance
For the hurricanes roaring in my head
Crashing into my thoughts
Telling me what is rotting  
Destroying my homes,
Drowning my sanity
Even as I rebuild
I find myself
Falling into the gust of
Cycles that ruin me
Leaving me in defeat
In my decomposing, suffocated brain

Handling paranoia speaking into your ear
Constant talking
You never see
But only feel
Above your shoulder

Then the depression of suicide
Filled with emptiness and questioning
With nothing being real
And you left being numb

Only what follows that
Is the high of a life
Putting you ontop of it
Dangling your feet
But threats of dropping
Start pumping in your blood

Shaking,
Scared of it all
And uncontrollable worries
Make your sorry
You even went high
Gloom in the chase,
Death makes you quiet
Shelter and safe
You escape

Until you are bored and furious
Lashing out with whips
Against your loves
Screaming mindlessly
Wrecking your things
And hurting endlessly

Understand how
Your constant neglect
For the ill minded
And ignorance for the defected
Telling us to **** it up
And how it's our select
Is slowly slaughtering our self worth
In reality
You are the murderer  
Telling us
We are the romantically damaged
Except you omit
the hideous pumping chemicals
They feed us
To satisfy
Your false perception
Of who is sane
And who is to blame
Making us even more crazed

Day in my life
You wouldn't last a second
Try to understand
This cycle never ceases
But will only increase
With your toxins
And my decay

There is no cure
And I am left
Being adhered to this madness
And curving my life
With complicated composure
Of trying to survive
Vicious thoughts
And even more
Blood thirsty people

I dreamt once of your ever changing face
And a love I could never hold on to
The receding tide became a holy place
And swept from the sand an image of you

A moon rose high and gave me strength
But sadly I could not see it
I fought endlessly but couldn’t go the length
Perfection, I could never be it

I see you as a canvas, but it is not my art
You shape your own identity far away from mine
I’d like to believe though that I was some vital part
A quilt woven with thread, a wall wrapped in vine

I could not be the anchor, I could not be the stone
Now I lie here sinking in a dream I call my own
The last I saw was the back of your ship begin to fade
And with it you took every dream I had ever made.

Ice is swiftly creeping in
Freezing around my numb heart
Taking hold of what’s left of me
Making the edges cold and sharp

You were my last link to that world
And I tried so hard to be that girl
But in the end that was not enough
Now I’m afraid you were the last chance I had
Of ever feeling love

Then the door was thrown wide open
I try to keep the apocalypse from coming in
But if I were a betting man
I’d say it would win

Death walks in and sits at the table
I want to scream but I am unable
And he says to let things take their course
As I ride away on his pale horse

Because giving up on love is so easy
When you become as jaded as me
There’s something wrong
When you find out he left you for a younger girl
And you’re just glad it wasn’t because of your personality
And you could get angry that you weren’t the one
But really there was nothing you could have done
It was doomed from the start
But you were so ******* willing to give up your heart
Because you were tired of feeling so empty

Now I’m cold and alone
As I fear is always meant to be
I feel the vessels harden, the beating slowing
And there’s nothing left in me

I feel the change from within
I try to keep the apocalypse from coming in
But I know I’m no match for it
So I open the door and let it in

Death tells me not to be afraid
These are the debts that must be paid
And even if I don’t deserve it, it could be worse
As I grin feeling my new power, riding away on my pale horse.