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Ellen Mae Aug 2015
AN OPEN LETTER TO MY GUY WHO DOESN'T KNOW I EXIST.

To you my love, I'll forever be grateful of your existence. You may not know me and I may not know you at all but please always remember that by just knowing that you are now happily living is enough for me to decide to stop bothering you. To all those years that I've been such a nuisance, I won't be sorry. I did it because I don't want you to feel alone, again. I did it because I don't want you to feel the pain I've felt when the first man I choose to risk everything in my life for, cheated on me. All those years that I am stalking you, I can see how close you are to becoming like me, broken, vague and vanished. I don't want you to experience those pains. I don't want you to suffer like me. You are such a gem and you deserve nothing but complete happiness and success.

My love, Mi amor, please be happy. Please always be safe. Love your woman and don't ever let her go. Always make sure to make her happy because just by seeing your woman happy, you are becoming happy yourself. You are this kind of person. You always consider first the well-being of the person important to you before yourself. This is why for me, you deserve all the love this world could ever give.

You are more than who you think you are. You may not know it (ever) but for me you are a blessing. You are God's gift to me. Your existence and that particular event in your life that became the reason why I got to know you, I believe was God's answer to my prayers. I was such a mess and had nothing in mind but to just completely end my suffering. Everything in my life felt so wrong that time. I lost all euphoria to live and reach for my dreams. My life back then was nothing but darkness. Until you came... until I got to discover about the man in you. I was caught off-guard. Curiosity ruled over me and everyday I find myself making new and consistent ways to know you and be updated of the things that are going on in your life. I am such a creep, right? But again, sorry I am and will never be sorry for those weird acts.

You are my perfect distraction. It was like you are my life's North Star. Because of you I started dreaming again. No longer nightmares but good, peaceful and calming dreams. My life had meaning again. I was at my road's dead end and knowing of your existence felt like a new way was waiting for me. A direction that redirected my messed up life.

So finally, to end this, I want you to always remember that in this world you are someone. Never ever look down on yourself because without knowing it, you had become a hero. For being the most loving son, for being the most protective brother, for being the most trusted friend to all your peers, for being an inspiration to all your fans and lastly, for saving me from completely ruining myself.

You are worth it. You are worth to love and be loved back. And now that you actually have it, hold on to it. I'll forever include you in my prayers. For your happiness, your success and for the love that you deserve.

Goodbye Mi amor.

Thank you for this new life and I'll be happy now.

With lots of love and gratitude,
THE WOMAN YOU WILL NEVER KNOW
Ellen Mae Jul 2015
I knew I’ve been through this

Love and life and all its glitz

I’m done and I’m doomed.

I’ve sworn to never be fooled.

This is something I knew I should turn away to

Feelings, they are dangerous to the human soul
Ellen Mae Jul 2015
I can never be.

There is already a woman that is doing and experiencing all of this.

There is a lucky woman who is above all of this jealousy.

The woman he is head over heels with.

The woman that is never me.

The woman I am greatly jealous of.

Jealousy is sin as they say.

I guess I will be forever sinful until I learn how to unlove him.
Ellen Mae Jul 2015
Two
Like the air, how I love to touch him too.
Like his past, I wish he won't ever let me go too.
Like the places he'd been to, I also want to see how his eyes glow.
Like music, I want him to love me too.
I want to be the one to soothe his troubled soul.
I want to be everything he ever needs.
I want to be the reason why his agonizing stare is perfectly gorgeous.

Oh how I want him to want me too.
I want him to love me like how I love him.

But..

I can't.
I just can't make him want me.
I cannot make him love me.

And this is the reality I have to deal with.
I can never be everything to him.
Ellen Mae Jul 2015
One
Jealousy is surely unavoidable.
I can't really deny that I am jealous of everything that lives with him.

I am jealous of the air that gets to surround him... the air that is able to touch his skin.

I am jealous of the past that made him strong... the past that he cannot ever let go.

I am jealous of the places he'd been to... the places that saw how his eyes glow.

I am jealous of the music that he loves... the music that soothes his troubled soul.

I am jealous of everything that meets his agonizing yet perfectly gorgeous stare.

I am jealous of it all.

I am jealous and I can't do anything but live with this jealousy.

— The End —