When I was a little girl
My father used to sing this song to me.
It was a made up song
(He used to sing songs for everything).

It went something like
"I love you forever and always,
Even when you're mad to me."

I said that when I was little,
"Mad to me."
My father thought it was funny.

When I was older he said things like
"No matter what you do,
I'll always love you,
Cuz you're my Lizzie Rabbit."

He had this other song,
He sang to me at bedtime.
"Oh Elizabeth, Elizabeth,
My pride and joy.
If I didn't have Elizabeth
I might have had a boy.
But I have my sweet Lilly,
She's sweet and she's silly,
Yes she's the girl for me,
And I never saw a baby
Quite like little Elizabeth Lilli...
Ann."

I don't know how I remember all the words...
Yes I do, because I've been dying
To hear him sing it to me again.

Because I got older,
And I started ******* up.
And then I learned,
There are things I can do
That fall outside the bounds of
"No matter what you do."

Things I can do that make me
NOT his pride and joy.
Things that probably make him wish
I had been a boy.
Things that probably make him glad
There were no other babies quite like
Little Elizabeth Lilli...
Ann.

But what he doesn't understand is,
I love him forever and always.
Even when he's mad to me.

“Don’t tell me how to love,” you said.
“Arrogant child, what do you know?
You’ve done nothing,
Seen nothing,
You know nothing.
Do not presume to teach me.”

You forget, father of mine.
You forget what you’ve done to me,
What you have  unintentionally taught me.
You forget that you have dragged me through a lifetime’s worth
Of hurt,
Betrayal,
Hatred.

Accidentally,
You taught me
Strength,
Joy,
Beauty.

You taught me to let go
Of bitterness,
Sorrow,
Anger.

You taught me Love.
I know what it is.
I searched for it my whole life.
You call me a child, but if a life is measured in pain, I’m an old lady,
Much older than you.

You say I am arrogant.
But you, you are arrogant.
You believe I have nothing to teach you,
But you are wrong.
Everything you never meant to teach me,
I could teach you.

But you won’t listen.