I hope the trees and flowers have made time for you
and the proper attention is being paid
because you have done things too courageous
and greedy
for me to comprehend
and when I see your name I smile

we share directions
live vertically
and fluctuate our emotions.
   though you chose a permanent ending
and mine will remain sweet and ongoing
but when I see your name I grin

I fear bleeding as you do
and seeing as much red as you have
but dear Sylvia,
show me your inspirations
because when I see your name I giggle

I wonder what it'd be like if
your rests were endless
and you never awoke
and how my life would be hollowed
and my chest would be empty
and it's hard enough to crave an embrace
let alone to lose you forever
so my worries flood me like bodies in cemeteries
praying that you are never among them

so rather than scaring myself blind
I’ll appreciate your time now
and sleep with you for short whiles
until it is eternal

And one day I hope to understand
how the sea ends and the earth begins
but never do I wish to meet it
because the sea’s depths stretch greater than its widths

and for many moons I let the earth seep in
and I let it build
and take away my waters
   but the sea is far greater
   and its unknown strength then regained its rightful place
   where those islands had been

never will I know the bottom of the ocean
but if I lurk
I will cease to wonder

and will have met land

Though my eyes be white
my thoughts be not
and I often imagine
our brains as one

and what’s on that mind
lies a single obsession
and to get there
we venture

being the gentleman
you begin our journey
and with coy words
you leave me guessing where we may end up
but assure we will arrive

but when you're worn out
I assist you
and show you
through tender touch and tongue
where we head

and finally we arrive
san disturbance
and our actions remain unjudged

It started in the spring on a stairwell
when the voice of the man behind the screen was finally heard.
and it led to awkward situations
and the giggle of girls
when her stories were told to her friends.
and in her eyes
was the highest degree of adoration.

in the summer they faced their first challenge.
while he went out to better himself
and she chose to study.
but with every day she missed him
she knew she loved him more

and in the fall it got bad
they began slipping
and neither was happy.
and she stayed up crying

but then in winter things changed
and they changed.
and despite the sting of the winter winds
they were happy
and they were together

I spent many a-night crying
about how my future is changing too suddenly
about how the man who'd so generously
given me his x chromosome
kicked out us three mice
no x's
no o's

he left us to scurry for food
and to quickly find shelter
but this was no easy task
seeing as every golden opportunity
was blocked by traps

and on that final day
you stayed and helped me move
and before anything was even loaded
you stopped
and took me in your arms

then for a split second I didn't breathe
but you were so warm
and I was so scared
then I didn't want to move
because I did not belong in houses
as much as I belonged in those arms

I think these aches run parallel
to the fact that you are missing.
I have deep pain
in my lower back
I can feel each muscle pull
   the worst spot on my body

and that’s where I liked you the most
come behind me
kiss my neck
your hands, my hips
deep growls
from inside your stomach
   that area misses you the most

I can never do anything right
I can never do anything right
I can never do anything right

and while my mom asks God
for a path out of misery
I shut my lips
and wash ranch dishes

splits in my hands
lotion and alcohol
do nothing but burn

Lord, take away these chest pains
and the fact that I enjoy so little in my life
I am a failed parent Lord
I can never do anything right

Your chest pains
and elephant weights
outweigh her puppy eyes.
but I feel bad
a human
turned bridge troll
banished
exiled
stay on your island, napoleon
you give the country heart attacks
and it will fire back

but I am emotional
are you cold there
lonely
do you cry as much as I?
we will ignore your smoke signals
moveless like rigor mortis.
for once
France does not surrender

These entities are unable to be verbalized
the most pleasurable
the most relaxing
I fall asleep to them
but avoid them in conversation.
maybe if I hold my tongue
wet and sandy
you’ll forget the topic.
the world of ***** gum
and cortexes
cannot meet

Smoky pores: so familiar
sticky necks and inner elbows
alone I am a flamingo
in soft pink cotton
free chested
bare legged

artificial air
from blades spun wild-
a source for white noise
and companionship

I miss the greasy weather
take away my wired bed
shove it under the frame

to spend this time together
most exposed
   as I sleep
admire my black heads
and the semi-permanent
smell of fire and ammonia
despite the bursting thermometer
and idle thermostat
your breath on my arms is no nuisance

wake me up at six in the morning
and kiss my smoky skin

when two voices called out
my cheeks regained their rose

they wrote your biography in front of me
and page after page my decisions changed
and though they declared to be the up most unbiased of voices
their loyalty to you was unbroken

but  never did I tell of what happened that night
because the words could never be arranged so sweetly
and while those thoughts closed up the back of my neck
I uttered but a few ideas as we lay with lights on
and soon I was exhausted

And on that night
I fell victim to fear
and I cried for hours on end
with stubborn decision

but those voices soon refreshed my waters
and they began to flow again with the utmost of might

and the population has increased
and I may finally bathe peacefully in the waters
because since I read your biography
I've understood every page

Which lips did I come out of
that you feel the need to yell

conceived on your tongue
grew in your vocal cords

the tremors
the tremors in which I developed
vibrated so deep
I do not feel swaddled

when your throat opens
I shake
   close it for my comfort

I am late
eight
ten
sixteen years
I, child of showers,
I was birthed like no other

but I am still
a carrier of DNA
do
not
adapt
to make me a burden
or blame them on me

cut this cord
mami
take pride in my existence

With bone in my gum
I control you
through forceful clamps
and humid brushes
you posses limited control
with your vulnerable jugular
my coffee bean teeth
are your determining factors

Please
spare me of sweetheart details
of how your traveled redundantly
and gorged on material things
with others money
as I earn my own
yet still receive complaints
and see little of those I love
so please answer me
what is free time

I grew into a woman of mountains
and ridges amongst tissue
even peach fuzz can’t conceal
the daintiest of dimples

then spiders ****** me dry
and my insides liquefied
my ******* were the first to go
the second my femininity

looking good is being dry

I shook as I entered your doors
diabetic knees
I walked with caution
make myself unseen
with the utmost desire for visibility
hang off the ledge
bat my lashes

my love for her is unconditional
disappointment and triumph
I am a worm
let me burrow into your chest
and into the heart of the working nest
      miss me and accept me
      recognize me
      be glad to see me

adrenaline, like caffeine
I giggle and beam with river-eyes
expecting intense reaction
you continued your solemn demeanor
but through satellites you kiss my cheek

after alone ventures
windy waits for velvet seats
emptiness absorbed excitement from minutes before

I thought I missed the market
but surely I’ve mistaken

I miss you.
and the sick satisfaction of adrenaline.
the openness of your pantry
and sensitivity to dander that remains solely to your house.

jovial but once this year
I have exiled myself to other islands
to watch in golden telescopes

some others fill the gaps in which I made
yet I’ll blame you
for my own banishment

I am a prime example
of brains before beauty
putting my heart on the lines of loose leaf

Serotonin production ceased when steam was industrialized
drown me, dopamine
save my friendship

"I love you,
but rather your convenience.
your open pantry
and channels.

the quick fix of your generous lips
weekly dose of human affection.
I dislike your distance
but make no effort to prolong it.

spare me the detail of your accomplishments:
your petty achievements.
i am far too preoccupied
with an unbalanced slumber.

i love you,
but rather your convenience."

An extreme ***** of loneliness
rise over run
has plateau’d and remains constant

and on that ray
the fixed end is frustration
a sense of familiarity
and the inability to mobilize
in order to project anger

in desperation I contact.
send out my words
with underlying whimpers of pleading
I move from high to low
and in order to ground myself
I omit the most vibrant of energies

you are blind, I am unstable
if only my words grasped at your throat
sweet swimmer
and took attention to your voice
I was once so attracted to

be the man that your larynx suggests
I want some **** attention

I’ll admit to having missed you
despite the thorn-tongued remarks
"never again"
compatibility was inevitable
common factors in conversation

have two years passed
or did we glance away and forget
your voice is calming
and emotions astonishing
brush my hair
and tell me stories

I will feel inferior in your presence
but never more equal with another

"you are so comfortable"

but have the pelvic bones
that I knew not of
existing anatomically
greeted your elastic skin?

hard bone on hardwood
friction on my outer flagella
pangs in my pits
this continues to concave

an artificial frame;
deemed healthy
after an unsatisfied lifetime
I remain as so
I am a wire hanger
draping fabric
awkward angles

I beg your pardon
I am far from comfortable

I am a wire hanger
bean pole
drape me with your cotton
inspire me with spandex.
copper wire
sewing needle
clothing is no coverage.
what the hell is modesty