Checked myself yesterday
wondered if my soul was intact
that, and the seams that hold it together
its sense and social competence
its gait and many faces
its sainthood and devillish endeavours
and all other things

Washed down everything thoroughly before
I reckoned I was ready to see you
the perfection down to the littlest detail
at least, what passes as perfection
glazing over and stopping short
of reeling and swooning at
the mere whiff of your scent

Cleared the hoops between
the long sidewalk jog of endurance
hearing the cars whisk by and wishing
that they'd give me a lift - for what seems important
that brief moment when my eyes find their sockets

The sun will rise as I
slowly make my way into the compound
find the snug spot between the walls that they
seem to have left empty for me
while I might watch from the window panes
wonder if you would look over
and pay me some attention
though often, I
pass the entire day
watching but never found

To work the night shift and spend the daytime waiting
tailing your silhouette like an empty vagrant
grasping onto nothing as the world ignores my presence
like they did always
like they did yesterday

It cannot be unwound
From this tight little knot
The ball of saddened twine
Rolls along unattended
Keeping itself together

Not long passes
Before your gone
The twine left alone
Forever to roll
Numb and sad

Unraveling in places
You can no longer visit
It’s sadness left
To stay
In place of you


Never will a time
Pass without a memory
To bring along happy
To accompany sad
On its long journey

Many hearts will see
Even more will feel
The pull of that twine
On their hearts
Without you

These words are meaningless.
Like crumpled up husks or
A pile of ashes. They'll be
Blown about and tossed by the
Wind and yet I still find myself
Writing them.

I want to do the boring things with you.
Like helping you clean your apartment.
I want to meet your friends,
And introduce you to mine.
I even want to meet your parents,
Even if they are crazy Republicans.

I want to be there for you
When you're stressed
And your whole life is imploding.
I'll be the one to pull you from the wreckage.
Sit with you.
Listen.
Make you feel like you can live again.

I want to hear your problems;
Past and present.
Pretty much,
I just want to know you.
All of you.
The bad.
The embarassing.
Even all the terrible things.
I will Love all of them.
Just as I'm coming to Love you.

Because you ruin my poetry;
My rhyming.
My ability for perfect timing.
All out the window.

I know that Love doesn't just happen overnight.
That it takes time.
But I think sometimes
You can just tell.
I don't Love you yet,
But I know that I will.

I've already pictured our lives in my head.
I don't do that.
I don't think about children
Or holidays.
God forbid, my wedding day.
But with you, it's like things have changed.
Maybe it's just me,
But I really don't think
That this is a one-way thing.
You did this to me.
Of that, I am certain.

I felt heavy, in a way
i'd never felt before. Then suddenly knew
everything was going to be terribly
okay.

My brain doesn’t fire
Synapses the way I want it to
Anymore.

It just shorts out
Causes a commotion
Leaving me on the floor.

I got a few to no tricks up my sleeve.
But these idiots keep putting faith in me
Like filling a plastic bag with more plastic bags.
I can’t see any reason to the way I’ve been living.
I’m fighting myself by instinct.
If you build a multitude of clever one liners
On being “Angsty and smarmy”.
Then when you run out angst and smarm
Your basically ******.

So I’ve been trying to reinvent myself
For the kids.
The little *******  with the confidence to keep stars from falling.
But I haven’t seen a gleam in ages.
All I see is an empty sky reflecting in my hollow head.
I try to sleep it off
But I just wake up feeling dead.
I could go find a firing squad,
But that’s not what I want to say at all.
My brain isn’t working the way I want it to.
If this is growing up, we’re ******.

The come down comes in slow like the last dance.
So we grasp our hands and pray like were being let down into unknown liquids.
But mines perfect weather, in an overcast globe.
So I come down and look around, to recognize nothing.
The idea s that I tried to portray fell on deaf ears and eager hands.
So now I’m a sham and the rest of the worlds sitting on a pretty brass with a hollow carcass.
I can’t do anything but watch my words roll around like red carpets into newer venues.
And me
I’ll just take what was yours and call it mine
the me that is the thief
in the night.
10,000
Is the summarization
And the number is more important  than the words
Because we’re all thinking to a minimum, life’s an assignment
And as every hinge comes undone
Down and down
Further down we must go.
Until  I’m the truth
Until you’re right
Until I see what it is.

Becoming my exclamation points, overused.
Re-hashed, copy, print, stamp, autograph.
Till it’s passed around like a cheap drug
And my come down is a wakeup call .
To make me wise that I hadn’t created something for myself.
But a pamphlet to measure yourself. A standardized test.
I must have ****** up.
Until I crash into the ground.
Or I could deploy a parachute, but I need to see these ants. So I’m falling straight into the farm on my dresser.
And it’s not like an assassination.
I just fell on 100 bullets. Let the janitor clean me up.
I tried to do something great with clay.
And I did
And for that I can’t ever take myself seriously again.

The come down left shivers in my bones and every synapse sunk so deep into a dim pulse that I forgot how to breathe.