Had I known it was the last time
I would have had nothing to lose

my womanhood
is a loaded pistol
and many men have tried
to wrestle it
from me

I would gladly go back
as I am
to make you suffer
the things
i am still
trying
to
recover from

you weren't ribbons or butterflies
you were steel wool and butcher's knives

to everyone i told before
i never really did

the empty glass from which i poured
i never really did

to all the  boys I begged before
you never really did

the kinds of things you had in store
a miracle i lived

to all the ones i told before
i never really did
your twisted lies your empty eyes

you never
i never
we never
really did

if i think too hard about the things you deserve
i am then too close to violence

I still hold your name at the back of my throat
like getting sick
choking on the sound

the way it feels coming out of my mouth
poison

little black drips of you
seeping- riding over the soft curve of my bottom lip

unstitched

tastes of copper and blood