My head
Filled with pain
Of many types
Lost loved ones
Stress of life
And the headaches
The daily headaches
That haunt you
The pain rocketing through
Every fiber of your being
Explosions of pain
Leaving you gasping on the floor
Wanting everything to just
Stop
For one moment
For life to hit the pause button
To have just one breath
Free of stress, pain, and depression
Hovering over you like a dark cloud
Reaching its cold hands
Freezing you where you stand
And leaving you
Wishing you were dead
Instead of dealing with this agony
Of this game we call life
And this disease
The doctors call incurable

Dark, chocolate brown eyes smiling
behind your old wire-rimmed glasses.

Your hair is thick and dark and soft.
You refuse to cut it
because you know I prefer it long.

You have a serious face
that would break if you actually smiled,
but when you do actually smile,
it lights up the room.

You always wear black
because you claim it goes with everything
and it brings less attention to you.

Your hands are calloused and bigger than mine
but they’re warm
when you poke my face as a greeting.

You aren’t tall,
but you’ve got a few inches on me,
which you hold over my head,
literally.

You don’t talk often,
but somehow
we still spend all of our time together,
talking.
When you do talk,
your voice is strong and sure.
Sarcastic and hiding a smile for my craziness.

You smell like laundry detergent,
so at least your clothes are clean.

You have a clumsy walk
that makes you look like a puppy
growing into his paws.

You like to stay up late
talking to me on the phone.
You understand me perfectly
and always know what I need
and when I need it.
Your warm arms wrap around me
to make me feel safe.

You listen to loud music
and like to read odd books.
But they’re the same books I read
and the same music I listen to.

You’re dorky and odd and adorable.
Even though you would never admit it.
You don’t get along with people
or like them typically,
but when you find friends,
you’re loyal and always there.

You’re understanding and amazing.
I couldn’t ask for a more perfect best friend.

I love you
even if I'm terrified to tell you

How do you know that you love someone?
You may never recognize it
Love can be many things
Love; Verb;
“To like very much”
Love; Noun;
“An intense feeling of deep affection”
Love; Noun;
“A formula for ending an affectionate letter”
Love; Noun;
“Any real interest or pleasure in something”
Love; Noun;
“An affectionate greeting or name”
Love; Noun;
“A personified figure of love often represented as Cupid”
Love; Noun;
“A person or thing that one loves”
Love; Verb;
“A deep attachment to someone or something”
Love is difficult sometimes
Its not always easy
Its not all sunshine and unicorns and rainbows
Even though you wish it was
To love someone there has to be truth
You have to be willing to give your time to them
You have to be willing to be willing to be there when they need you
Love is amazing
But its also work
You have to be willing to give them attention
You have to be willing to give as much as you take
There will be smiles
There will be sadness
There will be blushing and giggling and laughter
And there will also be hardship
There will be happiness
And there will be silence
That hurts more than any words could ever describe
After those fights
After those loud, hard fights
But the thing about love is you have to be willing to try
You have to be understanding
You have to make up for those mistakes
That you will inevitably make
Love means that you tell the truth
No matter what
Love can be for a friend, it can be family
It can be for dating and maybe eventually marriage
Love means your okay with their craziness or oddness
Love is a wonderful thing
Its unexpected sometimes
But in the end you know that you want it
Love is true
If you truly love someone
You will be there for them
You’ll need them
As much as they need you
You’ll be protected
And you will protect them
Love is nights laying under the stars
Talking about the future
Love is holding each other during tears
Love is watching movies together
in your parent’s living room together
Love is inside jokes and gentle teasings
Love is understanding
Love is knowing each other
Better than anyone else
Love
Its messy
But its worth it
Sometimes it comes when you don’t even want it
But as soon as you have it you know
There’s no one else that you’d rather be with
Love is crazy
Love is wild
Love is everything you are
Everything you need and more
Love may not have the most in common
But love is there
Love will love you when you don’t even love yourself
You need to be willing
To do and to be the same
Love is a beautiful thing

When you fall in love
you sometimes don't even realize.
You have known someone so long
and you know them so well
that you start to love them
even without realizing it.
It starts with the things you notice.
Just the little things,
the way he seems ducks his head when he talks to people
the way he tries to hide his smiles when you do something ridiculous
The way he does his hair
The way he pushes up his glasses
when they start to slide down his nose
the way he talks
sometimes hesitant but excited sometimes completely sarcastic
sometimes quietly
sometimes loudly.
You notice the way he laughs contagiously;
the way he smiles and lights up the world,
or at least, it seems that way to you.
You notice when he gets a new ring,
you know when something is wrong.
You know things no one else in the world would know about him
unless they truly loved him.
But he's just a friend....
Right?

Looking at my reflection
I barely know who I am anymore
I see my eyes
Brown, blue, green, grey
Not even my eyes stay the same color
Always changing
My hair as well colored differently in the light
Red, blonde, brown
Small, and teased for it
Barely over 5 feet tall
I stand tall, but still I feel weak
tanned skin from hours
walking aimlessly in the bright sunlight
Small, weak, insignificant, ugly
I glare at my reflection
A broken girl
With scars deep inside
A single tear falls
drip
Onto the counter
weak
I think
stupid girl with your stupid emotions
you know where that gets you
The bottom of the food chain in high school
Annoying, weird, not worth my time
words flung at me in the hall
My reflection breaks
who is this broken girl?
With the dark circles under her eyes
does she ever sleep?
She's so thin, does she eat?
The scars on her, what are they from?
Countless on her wrists
Some on her legs
One right on her eyebrow
what has she been though?
She has been through both heaven and hell
To reach where she is today
She straightens her spine
She is small but she is strong
She is annoying to some
But at least she's being herself
She may have trouble sleeping at night
But that doesn't stop her from moving on
From fighting
She may deal with incurable headaches
Or fighting at home
But she keeps going
She is strong
She will not let anyone tell her
Anything else

As I drift through this endless lie called life    
I struggle on.    

As I walk down the dark path that is my future    
I bring light.    

As I fall into the seemingly endless abyss    
that are my failures    

I spread the wings I didn't even know I had    
and I fly.

Dear Best Friend,
In the last year, you've become everything to me.
No matter what happens,
I know you will be there.
If I fall, and we both know I fall often, you're there.
You laugh with me and pick me back up.
If I cry, you tease me to make me laugh and make sure I'm okay.
If someone is a ****, you make them stop, you protect me.
Even though we both know I could make them stop, or at least I think so.
If I need a hug I know you will hold me until everything is alright.
I know I'm not the easiest person to be friends with, believe me, I know.
I know sometimes you may want to run away screaming from me, but if you stay,
I will be your best friend,
and I will work to be the best, best friend ever.
How you stay? I can't say.
But you do, and I love you for that.
You're the best person I know, my favorite person.
I can't be more thankful to call you my friend, my best friend.
You understand me, so utterly, so completely.
From the odd music to the crazy books, to the weird people aversion.
No matter what insane things I dream up in my mind, my unique, crazy mind,
you listen to it and try to understand it.
You deal with my dancing,
my poke in the face that I call a greeting,
you deal with my awful jokes, my clumsiness, my poetry, my art,
my over-emotional self, my under emotional self.
You accept my quiet, but also my loud.
You read my books, you try my music,
you understand my clothing choices.
BLACK GOES WITH EVERYTHING!
You go on the craziest adventures.
You get into trouble with me, and for me so that I won't be alone.
You're always there when I need you.
We laugh over the people at school, the awful principal that HATES us both,
and share so many memories.
Great and terrible,  the good and the ugly, the large and the small.
Even though I annoy you, and don't deny it I know I do,
you always have a smile for my antics.
You find the best in me.
I am a better person, and partly because of you,
the rest is definitely my own doing.
I know you'll laugh at that.
You encourage me to keep going,
even when I want to accept defeat,
you aren't afraid to pull me up,
to push me back into the fight,
to keep me alive.
When I want to let myself succumb to the voices in my head,
to the darkness pressing in,
you stop it.
You make me laugh and smile.
No matter how scared of the world I am,
no matter how afraid I am to explore,
no matter how worried I am of what may happen,
no matter how anxious I am to grow up and to stay young at the same time,
no matter how terrified I am to lose you;
I know you'll be with me,
for years to come,
for everything to come.
I know there will be fights,
but I know we will laugh in the end.
I know there will be tears, mostly from me,
but I'll dry yours and I know you'll do the same for me.
I want you to be there for me like I want to be there for you;
for the good, the bad, and the ugly.
I want to be there.
To make new memories and to laugh at old ones.
Do you remember couples counseling?
Yeah, that crazy adventure.
What about the overnight?
insert vine reference here
insert tired, slightly crazy laughter from me
insert rolling of eyes while playing solitaire at IHOP at 2 am
We laugh and smile, cry and frown, and just be us.
The unstoppable us.
I feel like I could rule the entire universe,
all of the galaxies, stars, and planets,
with one hand,
as long as you were there to hold the other.
I feel like I could walk the whole earth,
as long as you walked with me.
I feel like I could soar to the highest heights,
travel to the deepest depths,
explore the farthest ends of the universe,
as long as you came with me.
With you, I am unstoppable.
With you, I am whole.
I am myself.
I am wholly, and completely, Elle, your best friend.
Words cannot describe everything you are,
everything you've done for me,
or anything you will be to me.
I've always found it cheesy when people say
"you complete me"
or something stupid like that.
Are you not fully yourself or anything without them?
Were you nothing before you had them?
The truth is, I don't know,
but I believe I'm starting to figure it out.
I am my own person,
but I don't know what I'd do without you,
and I know I cannot lose you.
I may not know what the future may hold,
but I do know I need my best friend there,
for every step I take.
So for now,
we can be us,
and stay us,
and I can deal with that.
I will stay your best friend, as long as you stay mine.
I am completely myself,
and you are completely you,
and we are completely and irrevocably us,
and I'm good with that.
It's all "Hip and cool" right?
Your best friend,
Elle