We are ghosts in this house

I am a ghost in this house

A shadow of the past shapeless moving around you silently.

Carefully stepping on the stair steps that don't creak.
Sliding along the oak floors.
Wearing invisible clothes that don't crease.

Wondering constantly for your warmth to come back.
Grace me with your presence once more.
To be as we were solid
unbent perfection.

You are a ghost in this house

A breeze through the attic window that shimmers the curtains.
The cold side of the bed.
Wondering awake untill we meet again.

We walk circles round one another
Our hands never touch
Our bodies never meet.

I look for you in everything
Room to room but no luck

You am a ghost in this house

You bound up the stairs loudly but never make a sound.
I turn as I think I see a shadow.
Sitting on our bed with your head in your hands
A crying broken man

We are ghosts in this house

One alive, one dead
Moving around one another
But forever looking

Too Late

I was always late
For you
And I never rushed, never thinking I had to
Time stalked me like a wasp
I floated  through life as if on a cloud
Thin air masking my mistakes
I was as elusive as life gets
Time meant nothing
And I'm sorry for this
I'm so sorry for this

I met you on a corner
Bitter weather battering your cheeks
Blue eyes sparkling under a mass of dark hair
You had waited an eternity there
We drank coffee on a bench
Mapping out the stars until dawn seeped in
As all thoughts provoked a certain clarity
You decided it would only ever be me
Always me
And I'm not sorry

I was late to the airport
Flying to Naples, no more planes for days
It had been years since you'd seen your family
So I watched as frost lay  like icing over your dream
We played with silence like a toy for two weeks
And I'm sorry for this

The day of your parting
An hour of snow lay around your feet
A car skidded, you landed on the bonnet
I should of been there
I was at home reading an article
As your heart beat for the last time at the hospital
I should of been holding your hand, telling you I loved you
So I missed your departure too
And I am sorry
So sorry

Time is muffled
Churches like conveyer belts for the living and dead
As babies join this world, people leave it
The hurse shot to the church like a police car
I imagined it having flashing blue lights
Saying he's dead, he's dead
And I am too
I was late for your funeral
I'm not sorry for this
It was something I couldn't bare to do

But, we're you aware
The later I was
The longer I had you
You always calling
Where are you
Where are you
The longer you were in this world
Even if I wasn't next to you
The longer I loved you
The longer I knew you
The later I was
The longer you were in this life
Not rushing out of it
The longer I had you
And I'm not sorry for this
I'll never be sorry for this

To Feel Again

Death takes the insecurities out of the living
They say things get better
If you stop fighting the anger goes away
The tears simply dry up
A sheet of ice freezes over the emotions
Leaving you numb
But broken
Storm clouds hover amongst the stars
Waiting to creep back in

Time moves slowly
But still it moves
The further I get from you
The more it wounds
Life cruelly goes on
Birds still wake
This earth still cries
The heavens shake

This world is cruel
This life restricts
Taking me further from
With every waking breath
I would stop the living to have you back
Give my life for one more kiss

There is a beauty to the restless
We wander amongst the alive
But everyday I find
Your further away with time

I do not want to forget you
I don't wish for this numbness
Or this heavy ice I carry
Oh if I could just change this
If I could still feel
Rid me of this numbness
As emotions make you real
The distant dream you are becoming
Would never exist
Surely it is better to feel
Than be as this

There are ghosts in the telephone
She says

Holding the receiver
As a tiny baby fist
Holding on for life or death
Using the last bit of strength

There are ghosts in the telephone
She assures me
Eyes protruding, lips pursed
She believes every word she says

I can hear him he's still here
Repeating a few words on the air
Repeating

Late at night he's the loudest
Drowning all other sounds out
He sits beside me in the night

There are ghosts in the telephone
She says

As she unveils herself infront of me in great racking sobs
Her eyes misty as though in fog
As only a mother could

The Last Meeting

I dreamt the dream again
It repeats
Always the same
Built on borrowed uncertainty
An uncompromising battle within me
It shakes the very core of me
Lingers for days within
Then Draws out through my mouth
Opening doors to feelings
I'd rather stayed hidden

I'll be at the same meeting
It's years since it happened
The intensity burned
My insides ached
His icy stare penetrated
My heart

As I was leaving
My insides started screaming
As he was not following
This brought our last meeting
The last

During the night I used to watch him
Constantly breathing
The steady rise and fall of his chest
I needed this certainty
As the moon that shared all my nights
With clenched fist and warm soft breath
Reassuring me for now
He was alive
The steady rise and fall of his chest

I had become his mistress
His other lover insisted
Keeping her talons in him
So he kept on descending
Into the furrows of the unknown
A place I could not follow
A place I would not go

I fought her for years
Then finally gave up my fears
I walked away in tears
This brought our last meeting
The last

I was standing
He was staring
The taxi waiting
Tears started spraying
My heart near to breaking
Me needing
A fresh start

This form of addiction is far from forgiving
My love had equipped it from the start

Now I keep dreaming
Of the last meeting
The one that shattered my thoughts
We are both staring
The north wind is blowing
On the sun heated sidewalk

The ******
Withdrawing from his blood
The scales are weighing
Between her and me
He has mistaken
Her love from the start

He started turning
My mind started reeling
My hands started shaking
As he kept on walking
So I keep dreaming
Of the last meeting
The one
That shattered my heart

Oh this tenderness
The beauty of you amazes me
As I undress in the sun
Shining through the window
Curtains fluttering in the breeze
This Spanish villas part of me

Your eyes as slender
As an irresistible lover
Watching the silk fall from my hips
Taking me in your arms as this
Is bliss

Years we have waited
To meet once more
Thousands of hours
Hundreds of days
A million thoughts have kept you alive
In my head
Turning over all that was said
Tiny snippets of memory kept me in this eternity
Needing you back with me

Now the dream is reality
Undress in front of me
Lay upon my body
This warm familiarity
Heavenly
I have acted this out in my mind
A million times
Lightening flashes inside of me
Then hush

If only I knew before
Life after death was
As this