Afterlife

There is a her shaped hole in this world
A black void
If you look hard enough you can still see the sparkles of the departed
Black diamonds of the afterlife
The entrance left open
In case he needs to follow

It's not in the leaving she said
It's in the living once I'm dead

The cold cold bed Sat in our room
The silence in the telephone
This is what the worst will be
The carrying on without me

It isn't in the leaving she sighs
It's in the knowing I didn't survive

She asked him once to be brave
Carry on forget her name
Give some meaning to his life
Leave behind the cold dead wife

How can you love me she asked
When all I want is to depart
How am I faithfully yours she cried
He just looked at her and sighed

It isn't in the leaving she cried
It's in the living once I've died
Where I'm going has no name
The darkness consumes me again and again

I'll wait for you she said
She promised as in life and death

I warned you along the way she said
I tried to make you see
I never belonged to your world
I was never truly me
I belong to the nether world
I was put here by mistake
I'm waiting for it to draw me back
To take again my place

This is what she's seeing there
He's too used up to even care
Watching his restless nights and days
Keeping the haunting mind at bay
The last vision in his head is his wife hanging above the bed

Don't ask me to change my poetry again

I got a bad review,a terrible review
"Give it up" it said
Please stop writing, you stupid fool
We don't want to read anymore of your ****
Your wasting your time
Your poetry's crap
Can't even spell, punctuations non existent
So I'll write for my fans I've only got two
But they like my work so f..k you

I'll put pen to paper
Join beautiful words
Write a poem for the masses
I could use big words
I don't understand, look to the dictionary for every line
Leave a blankness in your head
Wondering what the hell it said

From this poem your feel astounded
Magnificent,marvellous, absolutly gorgeous
All the beautiful words I've put down
Look lovely, sound wonderful
But don't mean a thing

I'll tell you what is little-known
What school is like if you actually go
I never went to college you see
No chance of a university degree
Pretty much what you see
Is what you tend to get with me

I don't know how to write poetry
All I know is what's inside of me
The rawness, blatant truth
Sometimes happy, mostly not
My writing will shock
Make you see some truth
As raw as possible, this is what I do
I'll never sugar coat things
Make them easier to swallow
The big wide worlds out there and its  *ING horrible
African children dying in pain
Their mother's **** sliced off, ***** and maimed
Our boys fighting an endless war
So those countries can have much more
Children blowing themselves up
As their told its the way to God
This governments  ** people are freezing
As our war veterans can't afford the heating
What kind of world is this that we live
When people are starving,dying and sick

Don't ask me to change my poetry again
Or I'll shout it from the roof of your office building

BodyDear God


She's dying over and over again
From the insanity of the missing
The heart will repair
Though I wouldn't dare say this
At the sky she stares
Continuously
She says life must go on
I must go on

I don't want to be without him she says
As she opens the second bottle of *****
If I'd had a choice I'd of gone with him
But I'd never wish for him to ever feel
This crushing feeling
Not for a instance

In the night she thinks I'm sleeping
But I hear everything

Dear God
I was wondering if I could have a moment of your time ?
I know your a busy bloke and that,  
your tired with all these voices shouting up at you,
I would be too.
But I thought I'd give it a go.
I know your the universal spirit and there's  lots on your mind,
so I tell you what I'll talk and you can just listen,
give me your views at the end.

I was wondering if you've looked in on me lately
See God
I'm feeling incredibly unhappy,
Distraught you could say,
miserably alone.
I know there's millions probably billions
I don't know the average,
but no matter.
I know there's other's wanting your attention,
The people dying from cancer or
The African village women screaming for you to stop the men taking their kids,
Putting them on smack to fight there twisted gorilla wars.
Our boys in Afghanistan getting maimed and slaughtered.

So firstly I was wondering if it's normal to feel this way ?
You see I think of him so much he enters my dreams as soon as I close my eyes,
Is this your doing ?
Tell me what I have to do to stop this fog,
Tell me when I reach the other side I'll still be me,
Tell me it's ok to still cry silently,  without even knowing,
Then,
Tell me how to stop the tears,
Tell me,  if this ache in my chest relieves,
Tell me,  I'm standing this pain to be with him again,
Go on tell me ??!!!

I'm so alone I bet you got all the Angels up there keeping you company,
Hay I thought they were supposed to be down here looking after us ?
Point is, the real point is
You got something of mine and I want it back.


You took all my grandparents without asking,
Let them all die of cancer slowly before their time, all of them.
By the way I think you've had enough cancer out of my family thankyou very much,
Do you feed off it ?
You took my dog when I was little,
Your know the one, scruffy little Jack rustle up there running about,
He's a proper little *******.
Missed him awfully I did
You took my dad three times on the operating table,
but he's still here.
It was like holding your breath for six weeks every time he went through those shiny metal doors,
I mean what sort of a sick joke is that ?
"You can have him"
"No you can't"
"You can have him"
"I want him back"
It felt like I had aeroplane ear,
All five of us living in an empty house moving around each other like ghosts.
If the bible's true you should know all this.
But I got an idea you haven't looked in on me at all.

I'm not blaming you, well I am sort of,
I think your a really good bloke but took too much on,
We all do it now and then don't we.
I mean the church wrote your book didn't it,
It's really down to Matthew , Mark , Luke, and John,
you should really send them boys down here,
I know a lot of people who want a word with them.
They're responsible for war,
Famine and mass genocide,
Because be honest all wars start at religion one way or another don't they.

I bet if you felt one second of what I feel,
He would still be beside me, and the empty feeling,
I couldn't give a  name to would disappear.
The aftermath of such evil wars wouldn't of happened.
I don't believe you would still let our boys in Afghanistan get themselves blown up and shot in the head
I don't believe,
If you felt an instance of this loss
You would've of let Osama bin Laden get away with all the lives he took on 9/11.
The Jews getting gassed and thrown in pits of thousands

I'm Sorry I've gone off track,
What I was saying is,
my dad told me if he'd of died when he got kidney failure
It's God's will.
Well if it's your will,
Do me a favour and send my husband back
I wasn't finished with him yet.

And if you can't do that,
Tell him something for me,
Tell him I love him,
But lie, say I'm ok.
Say I'm getting by,
I got sleeping tablets off the doc,
Say I'm almost happy.
Not to worry.
Tell him I'm rushing towards death for him,
That I've stocked up on *****.
God, tell him I'll be there soon.