Weathered and torn,
he lay still counting the cracks along the walls.
His eyes closing...realizing dreaming was the only option when options were sparse.
No it isn't too comfortable in the hospital room.
He covers himself in blankets as if they'll protect him from this nightmare
This chaos with a capital C...a...n..c..e..r.
Hope is a balancing act, one small change in the alignment and
all can be lost...

And he is an acrobat, swinging from one rope to another
waiting to fall...or waiting for the show to be over
and a standing crowd cheering at how amazing it was to see such
a magnificent performance.
I'll wrap my arms around his neck and whisper in his ear "i knew you could do it"

Promise me the next time i fall you let me smack my face on concrete
because darling i never deserved you .
While you follow through with your saint like abilities.
I'm choking on shame and if only regret was a four letter word
i think i could understand it a bit more...but what do i understand anyways?.

self destruction with a staged smile
my pen touching the paper as if i can write the words
to make amends with myself...with you..
Words are powerful but my actions are worse
and you always knew i was never good with words.
It isn't love that hurts this much.
It's hurting the only person that ever loved me.