ours is
not to reason why
don't ask
don't seek
they say, and yet
why is all that remains
why harm
why hurt
why show up
with your entire heart
revealing
concealing
why hide
play, use, abuse
why lead
plead
then destroy
with intention
the one heart
equal to yours
the one
you knew
full
only of you
why
no question exists
larger
harder
more difficult to swallow
reverberating
beating like a drum
than
why

words
and music
and matters of the heart
light and love
fresh ocean air
and tears of joy
sunshine
clouds
and rain
time
and this moment
this very moment
words
spoken, unspoken
written, unwritten
sports
travel
laughter and pain
and love
a person's entire essence
art and literature
humanity
real.  vulnerable; alive
the entirety of me
this, the lifeblood
beating; palpitating
throughout
the soul
of me; this

a punctured soul
ignited, unleashed
awake
alive now
your bravery
and entire heart
scream out
throughout
you need not
speak

there is a lot to be said
for this numbness
and denial
the avoidance
of pain
at all costs
this dance
to remain steadfast
guarded
shielded
from yourself
proud of the effort
trying not to watch time
wondering how long
you can function
in this altered state
knowing
to embrace the pain
will eventually mean to
let go
of it
of everything
of you
forever
without the one day
least expected
the tidal wave
crashing
unleashing
the reality
of everything
you never wanted to know
never wanted to feel
and yet
wishing for it
waiting for it
hoping for it
to engulf you
and end it all

Unfamiliar
familiar
the have we met
I know a version
Of you
Or two
Less cutting
Less all encompassing
You didn't fill the corners
Of the universe
Prior to this day
Clutch at my heart
Stop the breath
From reaching my lungs
Keep concentration
At bay
You didn't ignite
Soothe, confuse
Alarm, destroy
Every sense of me
But thank you
I know you now
More than I've known
Anyone or anything
And understand
Now
Fully
No heart makes it
Through this life
Without meeting
You
This newfound pain
Hello

I close my eyes
as you led
imagining the perfect place
describe to me, in detail
you said
We are driving somewhere
Anywhere
I glance over
Your hand
resting there
between us
Instantly, I recognize
A flood of images
are upon me
At once, and slowly, in perfect time
I recall now
staring at your hands
many times over
subconsciously, drinking in
every line, every movement
as we spoke
Unaware; their impact
I realize now, in this moment
I have always loved your hands
The size, shape, intensity
the ease of them
The imagined feel, in any way
strong, gentle
warm
they are; I somehow know
The intention of them
part of you
as you move through every part of your day
This essence
so you
To me, your hands

imagination
you said
lives somewhere
between dream and reality
but what if
that imagination
shared
experienced
Is real
it was
you
leading, wanting, encouraging
be careful to
understate imagination
intentional sharing
albiet apart in the physical realm
are nonetheless real
nor imagined
and now
although I may never again
feel that way
With you
I am happy and grateful
to now know
The one thing
the only thing that matters
that which I have always known
And that is
what it would feel like, for me
With you

thank goodness
for dreams
you take me places
and i feel something
you stay with me in it
for more than a moment
and it only ever feels good
and it never hurts

it is entirely possible
for experiences
far too magical and euphoric
to exist in real time
it is possible