my parents seem to wonder
why i never come home in the summer
but if they could see just how they treat me
they would know **** well why
i stay away from this place
this dungeon
this wreck of a home
where daddy drinks
and mommy covers it all up with a smile
until i walk through that door
and she lets the facade she held together so well
crumble and fade away as she screams
and screams
and screams at me
for staying out late
for sleeping at his house
for coming home once a week.
but i refuse to be bullied by my own mother.
i will not sleep under the same roof as the woman
who told me that life
isn't about being happy
and that my life
has been ruined
in my quest for happiness.
i will not be yelled at for staying away
when the only times i come home
are to be yelled at.
i will not put up with her
when i'm trying to fix myself.
i will not put up with her
when i'm so in love with him.
i will not put up with her
when i have better things to do.

lucky isn't something
i consider myself to be.
and though you've asked me why
i still make myself cry
i don't think you realize
how unlucky i really am.
yeah, i've had it good.
i live in a great town
with a loving family
and opportunities i am so thankful i have been given.
so why am i so unhappy?
i'll tell you why.
it's because i'm stuck here.
this small town has trapped me in its suburban clutches.
i can't escape
for another two years.
and i know
those two years
will be the longest years of my entire existence.
but then you came along
and you changed my life.
you make me happy.
i look forward to talking to you every day,
even though it'll only be for a little while
before you go to work.
you make me so happy to be alive.
you make me laugh when i'm sad.
you are the best thing that's ever happened to me.
i love you.

lucky isn't something
i consider myself to be.
and though you've asked me why
i still make myself cry
i don't think you realize
how unlucky i really am.
yeah, i've had it good.
i live in a great town
with a loving family
and opportunities i am so thankful i have been given.
so why am i so unhappy?
i'll tell you why.
it's because i'm stuck here.
this small town has trapped me in its suburban clutches.
i can't escape
for another two years.
and i know
those two years
will be the longest years of my entire existence.
but then you came along
and you changed my life.
you make me happy.
i look forward to talking to you every day,
even though it'll only be for a little while
before you go to work.
you make me so happy to be alive.
you make me laugh when i'm sad.
you are the best thing that's ever happened to me.
i love you.

standing at the door
he calls me a *****
and says that no more can i come around.
so i leave his place
walking at a quick pace
tears streaming down my face -- i'm nowhere bound.
i think back to the time
when he was mine
and i think how divine it is for him to be free.
without me by his side
he has no one to keep him from sniffing lines
or to tell him no more wine for tonight -- leave it be.
our love went downhill
when he took his first pill
and started to spill about all those other girls.
believe me, i tried
to fill him with pride
but that boy lied and now he makes me want to hurl.
as i'm walking through the streets
i feel the leaves below my feet
and it beings to sleet as i walk down the path.
headlights illuminate my way
but my shadow leaves an outline of grey
as i hear the sound of breaks delayed -- i'm feeling god's wrath.
i try to get up
but it seems that a truck
has slid out in the muck and hit me.
i find i can't take a breath
and i suddenly see Death
approaching from my left as i close my eyes and count to three.
darkness takes over
i feel heavy as a boulder
as i make this crossover between the worlds.
in peace i am woken
by Death -- i am broken
by the words he has spoken; he is twirled.

give me your clothes to wear
so that when i'm lonely or sad
i know i have a part of you with me.
tell me i'm beautiful when i look terrible.
hold me when i'm sleeping so i know
the monsters in my head won't bother me
for just a single night.
wake me up with kisses
when the morning light peaks through the windows
to our small apartment.
take me to perkins at three in the morning
simply because we can.
stargaze with me.
let me lie on your chest
and run my hands through your hair
and kiss your lips
and call you mine.
spend every second you can with me
because you can't stand the thought
of being away from me
for more than a day.
let me sing to you when you're tired
let me rub your head when you're sick
let me wake up next to you every single day.
let me love you.
and please
love me in return.
that's all i ask of you.

casual laughs fill the room
as his hand brushes against my leg
our eyes meet
smiles fade
eyes drop to mouths as the distance
between us closes
lips brush up against each other
before his arms slide around my back
and my hands run through his hair
he pulls me closer as his hands caress my hips
i pull away slowly
and look at him
a smile spreads on both our faces
he strokes my cheek gently
tucks a strand of hair behind my ear
and kisses me
before i can do anything
he's holding me against him tightly
and my heart races
while my head spins
and i fall even more
in love

again and again i let the monsters in the back of my head tell me i'm worthless
i let them dictate over my happiness
they whisper sweet nothings to me late at night
so when the alarm buzzes and i awake from the little sleep i've had
the monsters tell me over and over
that i am worthless
and no amount of sleep can cure the tiredness i feel
and i let myself believe that those boys
the ones who use me
the ones who abuse me
are worthy of my compassion
and it's all because of the monsters
it's all because they are poising my mind with lies
but i know that one day i will have had enough
and one day
i will stop the monsters from speaking
from lying to me
from convincing me that i am worthless
i will make the words pouring out of their mouths cease
i will be victorious in escaping my hell