Sadness is
a gentlemanly
kiss.

My favorite things,
lungs half filled with smoke,
windows down,
heat turned high,
the flexing muscles in your legs
as you tip-toe across the kitchen,
feelings of anticipation
for next time, the ticking of the clock
late mornings,
favorite things, touching,
the hair all over my body,
the hair all over your body,
that story i tell
over and over
of when I jumped off the balcony,
the memories
of magazine ink and coffee,
dotting i's and crossing t's,
tracing the map of scars on my belly
firsts, seconds,
beginnings and ends
the magic that surrounds us
the mystery

You are nothing but a taste in my mouth
a reflection of myself
mirrored versions of me, me, me
mirrored split personality
mysterious I, Gemini,
keep talking to myself
through the shining in your eyes,
Amber, it's no surprise
we are drawn to each other,
child twin brother,
floating through space
we are kids, chameleons
fickle in our ways
we can't be blamed
it's our nature
to see I in You,
and You in I.

tell me all yr fever dreams
tell me anything
I like to listen when you
speak
watch the shifting of
yr teeth

give me yr smile
i'd like to stay awhile
longer
soak in
the smell of yr shirt
call in sick from work
lurk, let me creep

lie awhile
let me curl in
yr body yr skin
let me curl in
yr hot fever dreams

i can't help but think
we are reaping the harvest
of our pruned limbs,
months of freezing skin,
now, with the changing seasons
we thaw and tangle together,
and yesterday, in the park,
i repeated to you
the line in the book
about the ebb and the flow,
how each painful cut into the heart
opens hollow space
to hold more joy

i have never understood life
as much as i do right now

my words fall

clumsil
y

into the small of yr back
my sentences

break
and crack

i become
lost in
yr skeleton yr skin

the sinews
that connect you
collect words
that cannot be spoken
yet

broken words soaked in sweat
trail from my pores
my skin
silently begging
to seep in
to yr most vulnerable muscles
yr bed yr sheets

i forget how to speak
i trip
over dream words
over the gentle curves
of yr spine

i'm stalling time
dying to say
lah,
lah,
lah,
i'm losing my language
in the soft of yr skin

my lack of expression
is simply
you

****-ing

the breath from my lungs
and filling me
with awe
"lah,
lah,
lah"

the sweetest sounds
of our own
secret language

****** all the boys
in the army

win
war is over

still a lesbian

bottled breast milk
*****
mother
I loved her
but I've grown up
sipping from my
grown up cup
brown bagged *******
warm chest
desire
desire
to sleep like a baby
to cry like a little girl

Red wire
Black wire
We're trying to love each other
Touchy loose
sparks in the fire
She's trying her best
to give her all
red magnet
black magnet
she's pushing and pulling
trying her very best

Father
threw her hair into the dumpster

It was Good Friday

The birds did not sing

blue scooters
false pride
blue house
bus rides
laughter, oh the laughter,
the smell of your fragile body worn out
fifty cents
screams
all of the whispering
broken chair
bullied blue faced
baby boy
brother
memory covered
in green paint
yellow paint
was it ******
was it ******
the end all be all
last breath
blanket
shame faced
who murderers
what a way to go
was it worth it
star trek
was it worth it
are you happy yet
did you do it
boy scout
noose knots
after thoughts
in the quiet streets
one last
prehistoric animal screech
ambulance tires
i was on the sidewalk
laughing, laughing
showing off
did we care
why am i sitting here
broken chair
broken boy
pants down
feet up
how did they find you
little brother
step father mother
swinging of you body
cold and white
kids who pushed you
wearing ties
cutting classes
all the third grade boys
looking up
confused
clenching souvenirs
blank permission slips
you genius
where are you now
insubordinate fool
you would have been our boss
you would have taken care of us
where are you now?

spark plug fingertip
you're my Emma
you're my jelly bean
e v e r y t h i n g
wrapped around my face
light blue

they say I looked like you,
no,
you looked like me
e v e r y b o d y
dreams the same dream

we called you soul mate
you give us all we need
I, Linus,
you, blanket.
I, fish eye,
you, greatest catch.

You, boy lover,
take me here,
in the parking lot,
in the rain puddle,
in front of the yellow windows
Between cars,
we are
naked
part girls
part boys
caught by the camp counselor
she,
part girl,
part boy

I hope your plastic yogurt spoon
Breaks in your mouth
And cuts your tongue
And you confuse your blood
With swirls of strawberry

I hope it tastes good
Just like
When you cut my tongue
And confused my blood
With red wine
And acted drunk
And foolish

Pam, you are
a splitting image
of Linda
but you think
you look just like God

Every lover after
will beg for an explanation
for the raised scars below my navel
for my balancing acts above the overpass

How can I pronounce your name
without saying too much
without getting drunk

Even now,
everyone is tired
of me
slipping you into the conversation
swirling you into my watered ***
and spilling you on their carpet floors

I found your Olympic gold medal
while I was cleaning in my childhood bedroom.
I almost vacuumed it up.

I can’t help but wonder how it got on my floor,
How you must have not noticed its disappearance from your empty apartment.

I wonder if during one of those fights we used to have
I slipped it in my pocket, thinking you never deserved it.

The medal sits on my old desk by a trick dog coin bank.
The dog holds the coin in his mouth,
jumps through the hoop and hides the coin in a brown barrel.

This childish desk is a circus.
I can see the levers and
your Olympic gold medal is fading in the sun.

There will be
A pink scar
on my
index finger
from a cut
I got a few
weeks back
when I tried
to open your
beer bottle
with a kitchen
sink-stopper
in a hotel.

The deep cut
was a flesh trench
you filled with
lime juice
when you pierced
and drained
the fruit with a
small red
coffee straw.
I have many scars
but this one
will be my favorite.

Her body is a third world country
starving for attention