I will write myself to sleep.
I will write long, pathetic
poems instead of texts to my
ex. I will write
the novel of my life
instead of asking you
for attention.

I will write
the new bible
on isolation, chronological
volumes
on loneliness.

I will write ten million
haikus before I write
you again.

I will write love letters
to myself until my fingers
bleed, until I
believe them.

I will write the handbook
on neglect, the idiots guide
to dealing with it.

I will write vague
fortune cookies about
self-acceptance and
self-forgiveness.

By the time I'm finished,
I will have exhausted
my depression.

I will write Shakespearean
prose about this
rejection.

I will write suicide notes
on my shield and armor for
protection and I will
save myself with them.

I will write angry, violent speeches
to rally the voices
in my head.

I will write a pledge of allegiance
to myself and recite it daily,
after coffee.

I will pray to the Gods of
"move on," and "get over it."
I will baptize myself
in holy water
that makes me
stop caring
completely.

Holy water, oh well, whatever
move on. Hallelujah.

I will write the ten commandments
on how to be
abandoned.

i saw him smile
i became distracted by the simplistic beauty of it
i tripped on the gregarious thoughts anxiously stirring in my mind
i fell
i fell just in time for him to look away

and not catch me.

|ss|

and as you walk down
the long, blank school hallway
I feel my heart race,
stomach flip,
eyes widen,
and lips form a smile.

the sight of you
makes my day.

but alas,
you don't even know
that I exist;
I am a speck of dust to you,
an irrelevant girl
who only wants your attention.

you are all I see,
but to you,
I am invisible.

You now what hurts the most?  
Not a broken heart nor losing someone
What hurts the must;
Is not being loved
Not being able to feel adored
Someone who would give up the world to you
Cuddle you every night, kiss you goodnight, hug you every morning
Someone to wake up to see the smile of her/him
I wanna be loved as much as I'm being a lover
And frankly, all I want is a love in return!

empty
i am empty
this poem is empty

it looks like poetry
the lines make it so
this is a poem
not prose

back to me
i am sad i am drunk i am alone and i am junk
these words i spit out
they do not equate
no inner meaning, hollow just as i said

i am empty
i try to fill me
i'm leaking
oh look there's a hole

Kinda risky writing now
when my feelings are so ripe
not that I'd make any sense
but sense has too much hype

If I say I am over it
dont believe my lie
living it day by day
is how I get by

I know I shouldn't
but I stare at the door
thinking of everything
but what am I waiting for?

Not that you will walk through
not that I will see your face
or get to live in that moment
where I'm at my happy place

The whole world moves
yet I'm still standing still
hanging onto the edge
hoping for a thrill

I say I'm somber
hoping you'd buy my tale
It sounds better than
the truth I wanted to exhale

But I'm over it
I'm so sad
I'm letting it out
and I feel glad
Because you dont know the extent
to what I'm feeling these days
how do I love thee?
oh, there are many ways

...there are many ways...