Take these drugs to ease the pain

Not of your mouth but of your brain

And into the downward spiral I fall

Because what's stopping me?

Nothing. Nothing at all

And I fall and fall

Into the despair that catches me

That fabricates its all

It's only blackness we see

But one more pill one more fill

And those hallucinations could be at a slight spill



Wake up! Wake up!

Can't you hear it calling your name?

Wake up! Wake Up!

Can't you feel it worming into your brain?

Images of gas-chamber mobs

Crawling inside the darkest parts of your sobs



Take these drugs to ease the pain

Not of your mouth but of your brain

"Feel better, feel better," they say

But you can't seem to get those rotten images to go away

I keep having this reoccurring dream.

I wake up, it is daylight, but I am under white sheets. Because I am on my side, I role over, and these beautiful big blue eyes are looking down at me.

There's a smile covered with whiskers, and blond ***** hair surrounding his face.

The imperfect teeth say something I cannot quite make out, and then his callused hands reach around my naked body pulling me closer to him. He is sweaty, but smells of rain and mint.

The sun shines through the shades, brightening up the blond hair on his chest, and icing out his baby blue eyes. I am speechless. He smirks.

His hand pulls my mouth up to his. I shyly pull away, and roll to my back. He rolls on top.

The clouds are barely parting outside the window. He looks down at me, his golden hair draping over his face while he rests his weight on the hands that he's place on both sides of me.

He calls me beautiful. I blush. He leans down slowly, and intensely kisses me.

I lift my hands to run through his beautiful hair, as he pulls away, continuing with a trail of small pecks along my sternum.

He stops at my *******, traces them. Traces every inch of my body, touching the scars and the imperfections. He stops when he reaches my wrist. He runs his rough fingers over my tender skin. He does this for a few minutes.

I let him.

Slowly, he returns the gaze back to mine, and those icy wonderments melt my heart. I can see tears fighting their way out, but he would never let me see them. He does his best to show the emotion he is feeling through them.

I took away, too afraid of what connection we might find.

He puts his head down, cupping my sides with his overly large hands. He kisses my stomach, and then quickly pulls me to his head level.

He tells me he loves me. His voice sounds like angels.

I say I know.

His rest his head on my chest, while I tangle my fingers with his soft hair. His whiskers tickle, but I love it.

We stay like this for a while. I know this because I watched the sunlight change through the shades on the window.

Finally, he looks up at me again. Our eyes lock. It seems as if time as stopped and the world has stopped moving. It is as if we pulled away, we both realize that this moment would be gone. This one innocent and beautiful moment, it all would vanish.

He leans down, and kisses me so intimately.  

We make love, and right as we are about to ******,

I wake up.

The dream is over.

And I am alone.

As looked into the mirror this morning
A person I did not recognize was staring back at me

A stranger, with conviction was gazing up at me
Piercing my face with disturbance and pleasure
I think I was horrified.
Mortified.
Because that wasn’t me

I am not sure where I went,
Where my face had gone
Nevertheless, it seemed to be a mystery

Washing my face,
Pulling my hair
I could not get that image out of my head.

Where could I be?
What is happening to me?
There’s a giant, gaping hole in the middle of this chest
Where my heart should be.

I am not sure where I am going,
Who I am hurting
Or, well, I am unsure of everything surrounding me.

However, maybe these are thoughts we all share
Inwardly
Because saying them out loud is too much to bear

Splashing water onto my face,
I reassured myself, convincing myself that I could move forward
Push past all of these insecurities

Patting my face with the towel,
Standing straight to the mirror
I noticed the person starring back
Was me.

And there once was a day when I took a drive
Drove hundreds of miles
Back to the place where we first met
Back to the street you swept me off my feet
And I can still hear your voice
Vibrating through the halls
Can still see the breath
Drifting from your lips
Those ripped jeans
And over sized shoes
But nothing compares to the look you gave me
The glitter in your eye you tried to hold onto
I knew then, you'd be somehow significant to me
And here I am
Driving hundreds of miles
Racing away from these feelings that overwhelm me
Only to know
You never deserved me

I dreamed this day would come, when I knew I’d see you again.

Whether it be in my dreams, or just a random passing by, I knew I would find you again.

I hope this path that we’re on will keep us together,

Because my soul can only be complete with you lying next to me.

I am not sure how much more I can keep waking up like this

Stuck in this infinite abyss of the darkness of my mind.

Subconsciously, I regret every decision I made leading up to your disappearance.

But consciously, my pride won’t let this be.

Without you, my ambition fires its way through this emptiness I constantly feel.

But then I am struck with just the slightest glimpse of what could have been with you, and my world seems to crumble around itself.

I am not ashamed to say that I miss you, but hopefully destiny has bigger plans in store for me.

If only I had the opportunity to say these things to you before you traveled up the sea

If only I could retrace every freckle, every line, every scar on your body

If only the people around me did not influence me as they did,

Maybe our worlds would have been different. Maybe I would still be able to feel you on my skin.

Maybe…

I dreamed this day would come, when I knew I’d see you again.

Whether it be in my dreams, Or just a random passing by

I knew there was still something missing.

I hope you can see.