I'm the girl who holds this smile,
which is not near the truth,
I'm the girl who sits next to you,
I'm the girl who begs the Lord:
'Free me of thinking it's O.K.
to hide my feelings and emotions.'
I am that girl.
I'm the girl who falls asleep crying,
I'm the girl who's good at 'lying',
I am that girl.
I'm the girl who says she's O.K.
but look in her eyes,
hear her voice,
there's a different story,
I am that girl.
I'm the girl who looks happy on the outside,
but if you felt how I feel on the inside,
then...you'd understand,
I am that girl.
I'm the girl who listens,
the girl who has sympathy and empathy,
the girl who has her own problems...but would rather hear yours,
I am that girl.
I'm the girl who hurts on the inside,
but smiles on the outside,
so...
remember, when you look at me with a smile,
and I smile back,
know there is something more,
more to that smile,
I am that girl.
There are SO many people who say:
'Oh, she looks so happy! '
So THAT'S why I wrote this poem,
for those of you who don't know me...

Ladies, in thier ballgowns wade,
thier masks they have made,
so they wade across the ballroom floor,
for the sign on the,
Big. Brass. Door,
a masquerade, it reads,
A Masquerade.
The men,
ready in blazers and tuxes,
wearing thier masks,
awaiting thier midnight mistress,
thier...**** seductress.
Then, the man in black and white,
guides his mistress inder the moonlight,
for a dance, perhaps a kiss,
at the stroke of midnight.
At midnight, the clock sounds,
and all you see is the spinning of gown after gown.
Ding. ****. Ding. ****.
the sound becomes a beat,
ready and awaiting the eager dancers feet.
Ding. ****. Ding. ****.
the couples dance, but not for long,
for this...
this is the, Last. Song.
Ding. ****. Ding. ****.
At the end of this song,
the men and women,
reveal themselves, and at long last,
they shed thier masks.
Then the man in black and white,
grasps his ladies hand, and holds it tight,
then he gets down, on his knee,
and her gasp...
brings an end to this story.

Dear Diary
   I've always dreamt
of being kissed under the moon,
with such passion,
I practically swoon.
   Only to be caught
by two strong arms,
and be swayed, yet again
by his good looks and charms.
Dear Diary
   Strawberries and wine
seem divine for the time
I have in mind.
Sitting on a blanket
and under one
of stars, for when
the sun
is no more.
   As he walks me to my door
I silently wish for
a peck on the lips
his hands on my hips..
sparks flying,
knots tying in my stomach,
butterflies never dying.
Dear Diary*
   My name is realization
and I am a crazy...frantic...
hopeless romantic.

if i lost everything in this world at least i'd have love
   would you...
i'd cherish this love and it would bloom like flowers under the summer sun
   why would anyone want to cherish it with you...the flowers of love shall wilt and wither
love consumes me with warmth and hope, it fills me to the brim with happiness
   love is cold it empties you of hope and leaves in its wake, despair...it brings you down and ***** out all your smiles, submerging you into a puddle of depression.                                                                                                                              
no matter what happens i can always turn to the ones i love
   but they turn away from you...leaving you in a lonley dark tower of tears and disappointment
i can believe in love until the day i die and it will only make my heart smile and thank god for the blessing
   until the day you die love will cause your heart sorrow and sadness you will cry out to god for damning you with this life long curse
to live is to love and to love is to live
   life ends in death and love...hate
love is a blessing and hate is a curse
   hate is a blessing to end the curse of love which breakes thine heart and streams thy tears
you have to believe-
   you have to give up
keep going if you do you will find love brings true-
   hatred. you must give in
love
   hate
light
   dark
hope
   despair
right
   wrong
wrong
   right
which is
          is which
which is
   true
true
   which is
false
   false
which is
          is which
right
   wrong
wrong
   right
despair
   hope
dark
   light
hate
   love
if i lost everything in this world at least i'd have love
   *would you?

How do you say goodbye to someone who's going to fly into war?
Don't get me wrong, I've done this before, but I can honestly say,
It's never as hard as on that **** Deployment Day.
Nightmares, I can deal, 'cause they're not real, but what do you do,
When the night frights come to you in the day light?
Korea, Afghanistan, Iraq and back our soldiers sport
The green, brown, and black.
Guns in hand, soldiers are in high demand,
But when you get the call... that call, is the worst of all.
Voice choked in your throat.. you quote the rehearsed lines,
But your thoughts wind 'round the ideal that your nightmare...
Is becoming real.
Days, Turn to weeks, To months, To a year,
The forbidden fear forces you to peer
Through a blanket of tears...
As you try to hold your composure
Talking with a deployed U.S. Soldier.
Weeks with no letters, no call sometimes Months with nothing At All.
The days with no news, make me Lose My Mind,
There is Nothing like the-- dragging of time.
Tick Tock. Tick Tock.
Staring at the clock.
My mind begins to wander Into the land of wonder
And terror, as I imagine the bearer of this letter.
Letters from home keep the Soldier's goin'.
Long dangerous hours, with no break,
Words from loved ones put a smile on their face.
The long awaited trip home.. No longer shall you roam.
Seeing missed family and friends, the hugs
And happy tears seem to never end.
I'm proud of what you do, But I can't help but miss you.
So Dear Soldier,
Lest this war be over.. Please stay safe and sound
Until you leave the battle ground.

Sometimes, when I say 'I'm O.K.' I want someone to hug me and say 'No. You're not.'

Sometimes, when I 'smile' I want my friends to notice that even though I seem happy, somethings wrong.

Sometimes, when I write, I want someone to read it and know; they aren't JUST words, theyr'e my emotions spilling out on paper.

Sometimes, when I'm alone, I want to feel happy.

Sometimes, I want to be independent and not have to rely on burdening my friends with my whining to make me feel better.

Sometimes, I want my friends to ask if I'm 'O.K.' because sometimes...I don't want to have to say: 'I feel so sad I could burst into tears at any given moment.' Sometimes, I feel my friends should just know, the way I know.

I know when theyr'e happy for real, and I know when they're faking it.

I know when they hide behind a mask and pretend, but...sometimes, I wish people would see thru my mask.

Sometimes, I want someone to ask how I'm doing NOT because they have to, but because they WANT to.

Sometimes, I wish there was one person in this world who could see thru my mask...and wanted to be my friend anyways.

Sometimes, I want someone who understands me and my feelings.

Sometimes, when I say 'I'm O.K.' I want someone to hug me and say 'No. You're not.'