My heart is
not broken
or beaten.
My heart is not
bruised or cracked.
My heart takes
blow after blow
and reveals not
a single dent nor
crater.

It has experienced
hurt, it has known
pain.
My heart's best friend
is disappointment
and sisters with
devastation.

She absorbs
all of the bad and feels
it in every inch of her being.
But instead of breaking
down, falling
apart, growing
weary,
she grows stronger
fortified by all
the times she was wronged.

Do not confuse reinforcement
with steel, while they can be
synonymous.
She is not hardened,
her essence remains
tender,
open to the blow after blow,
welcoming in the bad
with the good, the ugly
with the beautiful, the ache
with the perfect joy that only
stems from housing
the Spirit.

My mother told me
the things that she knew,
things she learned from experience
so I would know too.

Boys just want the girls
shallow and plastic,
girls that will get them excited
not any scholastic.

So wait for the men
that's what she told me,
they'll want strong women of substance
that's what you should be.

I grew up trying
to be what she said,
focused on growing and learning
it's what I was lead.

But something happened
when I was a girl,
all the boys they came running
to make me their pearl.

I turned them all down
just like I was told,
for the men looking for special
men looking for bold.

Boys have stopped running
there's no one around,
but men aren't interested either
it's what I have found.

So there is one thing
Mom must have forgot,
I'm not anything notable
like she must have thought.

Why do girls feel like the bathroom is a safe place to cry?
The three walls of the stalls are not soundproof
the splotches on your face aren't exactly aloof
and fellow females glance with their judging eyes.

Before my eyes could even register
Before my mind could comprehend
Before the car could even stop
You were out of that door,
running
Running to the car blocking the road
World upside down concave in
Not caring if you stepped on the showered glass
My heart stopped as you peered in,
but it was empty
The night was empty
The mountain was empty
The reception on our cell phones was empty
In between the flashlighted calls for her
in the woods, in the river
a body, a soul?
You turned to me
Your instincts continuing perfectly
Somehow you knew the effect of your hand up and down on my back
And took the time to comfort me.

Today my computer committed suicide.
He didn't leave a note and there were no warning signs.
If only the drawing desks were not so high,
then maybe he wouldn't have jumped off the side.

I observe
all of it seeps inside
I sit and observe
I sit and I analyze
the road I'm on takes a curve
I lose my prize
And as much as I try
Old habits don't die

I don't know what you're thinking, or if you ever think of me
I don't know what you wish for or if you ever wish you'll see me more
I don't know what you want in life or if you even want a wife
     but i do know that you are a Godly man
     you want to serve Him in different lands
     I don't know if I would fit into your plans
     but I think I'd be content just holding your hand.
I'm not afraid of confrontation, especially at this time in our nation
I want to call you out on it and that is why I am writing this sonnet
I want to bring this into light even though your instincts are fight or flight
     but a girl just wants to be pursued
     not some attitude that is subdued
     so for now my desires i just allude
     then go home and pout and brood.

She strives for the picture in her mind
of that inimitable girl she can't define.
She runs through life trying to stay on track
guarded, but craving a pat on the back.
She dreams out how she wants scenarios to go
and is fine ending up watching a different show.
She clings to the people she holds most dear
even the ones that are not so near.
She condemns herself when mistakes abound
instead of just saying, "it's too late now"...

It's not as easy as it seems
to make an impact on this place
Trying to become the best you've seen
to see an impressed look on your face
I try so hard at everything
You know I would do anything
And I know I haven't succeeded when
I'm an average once again.