sometimes I feel my words falling off me one by one and I cannot catch them and I can only watch them

like that rainfall that
   cannot be stopped
        over the roof of my apartment

and I get lost in
   the growing absence of you
        it consumes me

I keep
   reaching out my hands
       only to see fingers hanging in the air

                     you've never held them

I wish I could dream up the warmth of skin
   but my imagination has its limits
       I feel helpless in my crippled poetry

you are already forgetting me
    and I, not sure what to do with my dying love for you,
        get up around 3 a.m.
                                                 and make myself
              a cup of hot milk

          there is no tomorrow
  only here, this warm whiteness,
                 sip by sip

              the night drips
       out of my eye sockets
      contaminating my milk

Come, as the night is not here for long,
and I shall vanish in the morning,
shall forget all with the parting of my eyelids.

I will stay with you for as long as you still remember me.
And in your mind, this all makes perfect sense
no matter how twisted it appears.

Love surpasses all imperfections
including your gullible logic.

We should go
deep into the forest and sea
of unreal colors,
where you and I would be together forever
until the sun comes up.

Words
help us define
the way sea turns into sky
the way left becomes right
the way day rises from night.

Words
pin us down to this earth.
Otherwise we would have left.
I would have followed your footsteps
walking toward infinity.

You and I,
we live in words
we dance through words
we make love with words
we are words.

Words
the invention of the lonely
the ultimate intimacy
the bridge between you and me
the child between you and me.

Together,
we create words
we refine words
we play with words
we become words.

And so Our Love
is eternal
behind these words.

what are these creatures of the night
that keep invading my dreams,
poking my ribs and neck,
throwing me back to our dark times,
of when we dyed our eyes
with memories of death?

you brought me a masterpiece,
then took it away from me.
how did I survive my resentment,
rage, and hopelessness?
how did I survive the loss
of your perfection?

we forgot, we forgot to change
the sadness at that moment -
the night when you saw me
purple and gray and empty
and I saw you blank like a page,
we lost each other in a heartbeat.

and we lost our masterpiece.
it could have outgrown us,
could have flown beyond our flesh,
and would have nothing to do with us.
it could have been on its faraway path
and, perhaps, would even be happy.

Original Version

I cannot stop
wondering what this is,
what it means,
where it might take us.

You said,
"Love the question, accept the answer.
The only truth is the lesson,
and the lesson is there is no truth.
You have to come to accept ambiguity
rather than expect definiteness."

To own you is to never have you.
To have you is to never own you.
I have to learn how to let go.
Freedom in love is so ******* hard.

I am thirsty for possession,
I want to keep you away from this world,
I want to eat up each of your words,
leaving your novels incomplete,
unknown to the public's hungry eyes.
But I cannot.

For one day the world will expose you,
the chaos of fame will seep into your skin,
the others' eery obsession will surround your head,
and I will fade.
It is with you
that I do not have a name.

From others I can get everything
but the one thing
that only you have.

And so I have come to accept
and to look forward to
a lifetime of ambiguity
with you.




The Translation*

*******.
You ****** with my head, with my heart.
You know that you can just let me go and do whatever the **** I want,
because I will always come back.
I ******* hate what you have done to me, what I have done to myself
I have fallen so ******* deep in this **** with you.
My god I ******* love you, I am so ******* in love with you,
I love you so ******* much it ******* hurts.
But seriously, don't stop.
Be with me, take away my name,
consume me all.

When you leave me, take all you want,
but leave me three things:
my love,
my poetry,
and my best memories of what you used to be.

The sky and the trees
saw the way you looked at me
and the way I looked at you.
They told me I should
let you go.

For love is not forever.
Yet we promised we would never
forget how we were,
and we would always stay
this way, to each other.

You have not changed; neither have I.
Just that in love I get so blind,
I did not see you in the full light,
but something did not feel right.
Only now do I know why.

When you leave me, take all you want,
but leave me love,
rhythm, rhymes, and words,
and all the memories
that would always make me feel for you this way.

when I woke up this morning,
you would have been half way there on the train
away from this
away from me.

you would have been writing,
thinking, contemplating, arguing.
pages would be filled up,
like your heart, and I
would keep wondering
what you wrote.*

I have nothing to hold on to
but your words, and letters
you sent me. I read them,
had every word memorized,
learned the rhythm and tone,
so I could hear your voice.

I find the deepest pain and the brightest joy
in your creations.
I long to know what you see with your eyes,
how you think with your mind,
how you make love with your body,
how you live in the world with your ego.

I would have left my world for ours,
in a heartbeat. I recognized you
the first time we met. Why can't we
run after our desires, live a life
we truly like, have our dreams
completely realized?

Why can't we become
whom we truly are?
You are what I want,
I am what you want,
why in the world
can't we be together?

I want to fall in love, stay in love, die in love,
to have you here right by me,
to feel you from inside me.
And that smile on your face
and this smile on mine
will forever shine.