Lily Pandera

Lily Pandera Sep 2010

I didn't think I'd be
writing poetry again
or for a while.
It's neat
how things come back in style
with the way to approach them.

I'll find what it is you
wanted me to write.
It's hiding I think
in this cold purple night
with the fog rolling in
like something
sick from within
finally coming out
Too trapped to get out
but now it's out
it's out it's out.
Cry for me I can't believe it's out.
Keep looking surprised for me.
It's out.

Feel I want to scream
and spin and die.
and stand on my head
and sigh.
and sigh.

So what did you want me writing again?
Something about or for
or having to do with you,
my little muse.
Go. eat some glue.

Lily Pandera Sep 2010

my name...

I put my name out
And people suddenly know
or think they know
my secrets.
Reading my words
selumpkraneepshakor.
They know me.
You know me.
More.

Skimming the surface, but you know
it's the purpose
of our little exchange
Brief, exposed embrace.
Look around just in case
But you can steal something
of mine maybe no one else will see.
Someone might've seen.
There's a bug on my page.
Brush it off for me but
don't look too far over the pages
flicking with this wind.
Air trying to cover for me
so you don't see
what it is I've been writing
as you sit here beside me
distracting me with your
full silent gaze.
You surprise me in the way
you admire me. Can I say that?
Don't tell. Don't look.

Lily Pandera Sep 2010

The Picture:

The picture:
A dark motel room
There is no room
to sit down
Laughing to try to switch things and now
Feelings of guilt
cast aside
see the humility as he tries to hide
His Shame
in the failure of the game
I hate to say
but he needs to hear that he made it this way
Needs to know
needs to apologize
No. I can see it in his eyes
And it breaks me
To know he let no relative of mine
Take me
Drew me out of my mind
I was twisted inside
and you need to know
it's your fault dad
'cause he took
what I could've had
And i Blamed You
but now I just want to
put it aside
wont in front of you cry
just hug me
say you love me
before I say goodbye.

Yeah i'm leavin'
if you thought I'd be stickin' around
you be dreamin'
deceivin'
yourself
like you have been all of these years
Look at Mom
and ignore the tears
Just drive the rest of the night
sleep in separate beds and you might
not feel each other
feel her pain
ignore what she went through
when it happened again
she lost another she loved
and you ******* let it erupt
were not there.
and you never shared.
exactly how it is you felt.
but we dealt.
And hey,
I'm tellin' you now it's okay.
We can get rid of the past
you wanna start over we can
make it last
or it'll come too soon
The too-late-regret-monsoon
I'm making these demands
pushing to try and understand
Why you weren't there
Why I didn't believe you cared
and it's okay if you don't
but you do.
So let's make this right
'Cause I don't wanna fight
Just want you to understand
where the **** it is i stand
so don't, please, lash out, if i reach for your hand
I have to try it at least
'Cause you're my only dad.

For Iv.

Lily Pandera Jun 2010

#14

Up until June and then
The next day
You can see
Right into my heart
We try to unravel
Things so we can see
The ending and
The start.

If we can understand
Where it came from,
It makes it easier
To beat.

Salty tears and
Metal guns
Aren’t easily swallowed
They’re hard to eat
But if I arrive
Right on time
And you remember
Who I am.

Will you think its alright
That I can see
Where you hide?
Your rustic walls
You are no match for me.

Your eyes smudged
And lips upturned
Makes your smile
Appear deranged.
Fix your face, change
Your style
It isn’t mattering to me.
I don’t care about
Anything anymore
All I want is
To be free
...or something cheap.

September 2009

Lily Pandera Jun 2010

Safe and sound bees will come

See the sand fall
Hear the clock tick
I know I’m
Safe and sound
Yeah this is just
Some trick
Of the mind
Don’t you worry
You will find
I won’t fall;
I won’t fool in a hurry.

These horses’ wings
Aren’t
Spectacular
At all.
I wish I
Hadn’t seen
The One of them fall.

But with all those flowers in her basket
She’s missing some
The bees will come
She needs some blue in there
Or he won’t care
And nothing will compare to what his Other brings
Nicer flowers, nicer things
Too bad One had to fall.

August 2009, February 2010

Lily Pandera Jun 2010

A bridge to hope for

You look at me
I look at you
The water's clear
See right through.

Look to the bottom.

Touch it there
Ripples move out
But I'm still here.

I see you smile
I touch your face
Let's take it slow
We're in no race.

The water's clear
Not green or blue
It's like my eyes
Seeing through you.
Step in, we adapt
Touch my lips again
Soak me in the water
Maybe I'll go numb again

Before too long
The sun is here
Canceling out
Our every fear.

Adjust adapt recuperate
And snap
Sprinkle the water
On my shoulders
So I can feel something again.

Under the old wood bridge
We built so long ago
Soaked through
And useless almost
But for shelter sometimes
Like now
From the sun
Coming out again overhead
To sweat
us, dripping
with warmth
when cold is what we need.
Please, plead
Cold is what we need.
Salty water is useless
in my eyes.

I don't know why
You feign surprise
How could you not know
I wish we had stayed
Or hadn't met
Or hadn't come.

In another world
I didn't show
...didn't want you to go
Stay with me here
The sun won't melt us away
Not yet
Few more hours still
It's only noon
Touch my lips one more time
Before I retract
Splash, ripple, out, out
Concentric circles
Ever-expanding until they
Hit something
Or give up, exhausted
With nothing left
Of what energy began them.

August 21, 2009

Lily Pandera Jun 2010

I didn't

I didn't believe
in happy endings
I never needed
a prince charming
Thought I could
get myself
out of any tower
Wasn't expecting
Anything.

I couldn't have thought
you'd be the one
Who'd come and
Get me anyhow
I didn't know
you'd be coming along
on the path
of bread crumbs
I'd been leaving
For myself.

Who knew
You'd save me from that fire
That burning bridge
Or my house of twigs.

Who knew
you were always there
I should've known
But I didn't dare.

I didn't believe
in happy endings
Or cinema-graphic
love stories
No butterflies no rainbow skies
Until you.
And it's all true.
I guess I really need you.

June 28, 2009

Silly lyrics to a song I couldn't find the tune for.