The grief.
The arguing.
The anger.
The hate.
The animosity that flows through all of the conversations.  
But the one thing I hate the most is the urge to reach over and pull you into my arms and never let you go.  
The brief moments of forgiveness.
The childish jokes and snide remarks.
I just want to see you happy, even when it makes me hate myself because of the lanks I'm willing to go.
Throwing away my feelings.
Telling you my every thought,
My darkest secrets.
I want to let you go.
I want to be free of these shackles that keep me in your reach.
To be able to smile and laugh without hiding that I'm crying inside,
Dying.