Sometimes I lie
in bed at night
dying to fall asleep and wishing I do
not wake up
the next day.
(I've had enough.)
But I always do.

Sometimes I lie in bed
at night
so scared of falling asleep;
what if I do
not wake up
the next day?
(I haven't had enough!)
But I always do.

my coffee knows me best
today I've gotten more and more
familiar                 with Bishop.

Elizabeth Bishop
and I find myself sipping hot
caffeine          for the second time today

she was addicted to alcohol
just like I am to caffeine
her glass was filled with whiskey

mine is three quarters water,
one quarter cold milk
two teaspoon of coffee,

and one of sugar.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.
Today I got to know a perfectionist

a woman poet
whose main feeling was of
alienation         no sense of belonging.

Fascinating      just
like
me.

your
actions
taught me
how to
hate.

I despise
you so much -
I stop caring
about sins
when I think
of forgiving you

I have been told that
my heart feels too
Strongly and that I,
too, must make sure,
regardless, that I be
utterly safe so that it
grows
gracefully and
lightly, unharmed. But
i - fortunately unfortunately am
naturally built to hold
great passions and love.

I took you to my place today
a botanic garden
silent calm cold
breeze swaying
trees
I took you to my place today
close your eyes
turn around
look around
green
everywhere
I took you to my place today
breathe
breathe
smile
sneeze
smile
sweep me off my feet
I took you to my place today
"thank you" "of course"
this has been on repeat
in my mind ever since
I took you to my place today
I'll take you there everyday.

I hear your voice.
It is uplifted by her
passion.
Promised -
the poets
of our past
are present.

I mourn my past profoundly.

my emotions
deprived of
words –
I mourn my
unwritten
emotional words.

do not stop me,
I insist
it is part of the
healing process and I
am processing-

though pardon the sadness
for it is all I am
capable of verbalizing.