I was created by alcoholism and psychosis
a concoction only by the devil himself,
perhaps to add some flare to earth.
I knew it at birth
the holy water seemingly burned my flesh at
baptism
as he gave a little wink through fire and secret messages.
Lily, Lily, Lily
you were never quite right.
the belt that whipped across my torso made me smile
so you stopped.
Lily, Lily, Lily
You'll get it one day.
Perhaps while I am scattering your ashes into the fire to make sure you're dead.
You always told me just how unfair the world is.
But thats what makes it all so special.
Lucifer threw me curve ***** so I could throw them back at you.
Who knew what happened then.

The moon was crescent the day our eyes first met.
We gazed at each other as my brow glazed of
sweat from the hot summer night.
The moon was full the night
I kissed your knuckles.
The nights were chillier but our hearts were
warm
and
fast.
The moon was waxing the early morning
we woke up and ate peaches and picked flowers.
You put it in my hair and told me
never
to take it out and
never
to leave your side.
The moon was first quarter the night we
smoked cigarettes
and screamed of our love to anyone who would
listen.
The moon was a waxing gibbous the night you
saved me from myself. I was drowning and
couldn't
find a way out. You were the only one there.
The moon was in the third quarter when you began
to drown me.
I hesitated and gasped and fell to the earth again
where the brown grass grows and the flowers
die.
It was a new moon when you found me for the last time.
I cried to you and felt helpless and alone and cold.
you held me and I kissed your knuckles and pretended
this was happy.
For the last time.

I knew when you looked into my eyes.
I knew when you hugged me for a long time.
I knew when my mother gave me a dreary face and told me everything was okay.
I knew when everything in my pockets were gone.
I knew when my mouth shut.
I knew when I smoked my last joint out by the patio.
I knew when no one would look me directly into the eyes.
I knew when everyone else stared me in the eyes for too long.
I knew it was cold when I woke up.
I knew I was happy then.
I don't know what I know now.
I know I know I know I know
I don't want to know anymore.

12 Ways Of Looking At Constancy

I

I look into the sea of starry eyed witnesses
and I see one constant
face, you.

II

I was born of beating lungs,
like the spine of my favorite novel
which remains constant and pure to my every desire.

III

Falling, falling, falling.
looking up at the constancy that is the sun and the moon and the sky.

IV

4+4= a number
a number= 5,677
my numbers remain constant
and jumbled and forever confused.

V

I don’t understand why or who or where,
the nature of two and two together
the nature of knowing
the nature of my record player radiating Bob Dylan
the nature of remaining constant.

VI

In the spring I wear my rain boots,
with the socks pulled up to my knee.
In the summer I wear my hiking books
with the dirt and the blood and the sweat on my knees.
In the winter I wear fuzzy boots that keep my toes and
calfs and brain constantly warm. In the fall I get confused.
I sit and think and the weather doesn't remain constant.
I can wear whatever boots I want. I don’t like that.


VII

Oh you stupid people!
Why must you eat apple shaped hearts
and slur your words?
Do you not understand the necessity of constancy that
runs through your veins every second of every day?

VIII

I do not know what runs through your veins.
I know, I know of high strung men.
I know the sound of the pitter patter rain drops on my roof.
But of everything I know, I know it will all remain
constant.
Whilst I held my palms together to see the white marks appear,
I saw it.
one of a thousand constant shadows.

IX

Seven black shadows.
That is all it took
to see what really mattered right now.
Especially when the man of men
stood before me and told me to remain constant.

X

She picked up her glass slipper
She woke up from a single kiss
She fell in love with the monstrous looking man
She bit deeply into the apple
they constantly make me wish for more.
As if everything was truly this way.

XI

We fell in love.
You were constantly mine for a short period of time.

XII

It was night time all morning,
I wore my rain boots and I played in the sun
It was sunny all day
constantly sunny.
My willow tree provided the slightest bit of shade.