i dont know much but if theres one
thing i know its that the feeling i
get when im with you is something
i cant put into words no matter how hard i try
but i will try
i just hope you know that your hands around
my waist was a better antidepressant
than any doctor could prescribe
and even though the world is so big
all my thoughts are about you
theyre always about you

the first time we kissed you initiated it
you were nervous (i think)
and i.. i wanted you.
so badly
to hold your hand
to feel your heart beat
to touch your lips with mine
i hadnt kissed anyone in over 6 months
i lost count; a blur of lips
and tastes,
and people who never even mattered even then in a fruitless attempt
to find a pair that rivaled yours
about a month ago, you reappeared
the second time we kissed (after about 2 yrs) i initiated it
and. it. was. wonderful.
in the morning you asked if you could kiss me again anytime soon
if it was alright
what i said was yes
but what i meant was
in the second kiss i realized yours are the only lips i could ever want for the rest of forever

you know love is a strong word
things are so very strange lately
those nights where you are the only one awake
and you pick up a pen and paper and start to write
and your only source of light is the lamp over there
remember when it used to be a candle?
your bed used to be there but youve disappeared
im not quite sure where youve gone
but that note you left me that morning
all you said was
"im leaving. i love you. goodbye"
thats it..
you said nothing else
the paper was a little bit crumpled and the bed sheets were neatly folded at the end side of the bed
god i miss you
i dont even know if youre still alive but i love you
i know i shouldnt be saying that
you taught me never to use the word lightly
i was sure i loved you though
and maybe you had a little doubt in your mind
and thats why things were so strange
we met at the wrong time my dear
maybe one day, hopefully one day
years from now we will meet in a coffee shop
in a far away city somewhere and
we could give it another shot
-m.b.

i wish i could resist you
but oh god
your eyes are ******* constellations
and i swear your lips
were made for my kissing
and when you laugh
the entire universe stops to listen
and when i see you
my heart starts to beat so fast
that it could power an entire city
oh god

ive met love three times

the first time i met love,
i was in 8th grade
and i was 13 years old
and love used to stare at me from across the quad and
try and find me after school to attempt to kiss me goodbye
"until tomorrow, my dear"
i didnt know how i felt towards love at the time
and i was 13 years old and didnt know what to do
with the budding feelings i was growing
so i tried to push love away at first
but he wasnt going anywhere
love cared for me
and love made of my heart a home
a year and 1 month goes by and
i stepped on my love's heart
it was the dumbest thing i could have ever done
it was all my fault my first love left




2 days ago my love returned
ive been so hopeful something might happen
maybe tonight we will meet in that coffee shop [see below]

i dont know much but i do know one thing for sure and that is the feeling i get when im with you is so indescribable, and no matter how hard i try i will never be able to explain the feeling but i will try my hardest. and i will love you the best that i can even if thats not quite good enough, im just praying that it will make you feel something. my feelings fumble over every word that has ever fallen from your lips.
the night you told me you loved me again i triple backflipped off the tallest building in the country. how could i have been so naive to notice that you cant fall up. you cant jump without coming back down. now im just a crack in the sidewalk clinging to the weeds and other outcasts. they say dont step on me or you'll break your mothers back but its only because i miss the feeling of tracing your spine and ive never thought about you without tremors in my hands. i cracked my knuckles on your door and now the sky is bleeding
and im in love with you

theres something about your first love
something you will never be able to let go of
youre always going to love that person, always going to want them
theyre always going to mean something to you and
theyre always going to wake you up at 3am from a nightmare
because you were dreaming about them
dreaming about the person you let slip from your fingers
and losing that person was the worst thing you could have ever done
and you regret it every day
well that probably explains why im always waking up in the middle of the night screaming and choking on seawater
[you are my favorite nightmare]
because you reminded me of the ocean
even though your eyes are brown
i can get lost in you forever
floating in the middle of the sea (you)
and i wouldnt mind drowning in that sea because
that would mean id get to spend the rest of my life with you
id get to spend the rest of my life getting lost in your eyes
that remind me of the ocean even though they are brown
[you drive me crazy]
and thats why i always get the sudden urge to swim out to sea
and stay there forever floating and
listening to the waves youve created
but the gentle waves
the ones that i love
the ones that i believed were your way of telling me you loved me
[do you still love me?]
now i understand that the reason there was a hurricane in my heart
named after you
its because i broke yours, isnt it?
and that was your way of hurting me back, wasnt it?
[i never stopped loving you]

how can i even begin to describe the way you make me feel?
they way my heart flutters at the sound of your name.
the way it feels to know that even though i warned you not to fall in love with me, you still dove in, headfirst.
i love you with all of my being.
you are my sun and my moon.
i love the way you caress my arm ever so gently when you feel lonely.
or how you lay your head in my lap when you are tired.
or even how you kiss my collar bones when my body aches.
i love the way you look at me, like im the most wonderful human being you have ever laid eyes on.
and experiencing that kid of love is unforgettable and makes you feel all warm and mushy inside like how christmas feels.
wonderful.
but even then not even that is compared to the love you make me feel.
i want to make you feel my love for you but even if i could show you, it still wouldnt amount to all my love for you.
i thank him for finally allowing me to have someone who makes me happy.
for having someone who dosent allow me to cry myself to sleep.
who makes me not doubt them at all and to trust them with my everything.
i am in love with you
and it is the best feeling in the world.

youre so unlike
anything ive ever
experienced
when you look at me
everything blurs
except those brown eyes
that remind me of the ocean
im so entranced
in everything about you
but, oh god
when you say my name
the way your lips
form the letters m-i-a
oh god
i ******* love you

my love for you could move mountains and no i dont literally think it could move mountains but it would be pretty **** close. its like you have me under a spell and im not exactly complaining because it gives me a sense of belonging and it makes me feel like i have a purpose: loving you. the only thing that has me worried is that more often than not the things i think are only in my head and dont exist outside of it so im always going to be looking for reassurance that this is real and not just my mind playing a trick on me. i would move mountains to see your smile because recently its become my favorite sight to see and no i wouldnt literally move mountains but id be pretty **** close. i dont know what to do with all these feelings i have and usually i dont do anything but i dont think i should let a feeling this strong go to waste. there are always mountains that need moving and i want to be the one to move them.

day3
they say lighting never strikes the same place twice but i can feel it jolt through my bones every **** time you smile at me, the pain will never feel duller but im too strong to walk away from my only source of happiness which is you i hope you know.

day 12
im in love with you and i know im young and maybe i shouldnt admit it so readily but if i had to choose between the sun and your eyes, then i guess we would have to spend the rest of our eternity together in darkness.

day 20
you tore my world apart and offered me your own, you showed me im only as precious as the world says is am and right now im standing on a flooding bridge with an entire storm raging around my neck and that storm is these strong feelings i have for you but you tell me its ok to breathe as long as i dont speak.
and then you tell me you love me

day 27
i had bruises on my body from where i was punished to feel like i was nothing. but i also had bruises from when you wrote love letters on my skin and i cant tell which are which anymore but i love yours because the bruises you made are from love. im starting to feel like hell so often i think im turning into it. but you tell me you are here now and everything is going to be ok and that you love me. and nothing is my fault and you still love me.
you love me.

youre probably going to dance with another girl who will taste like fresh picked strawberries and you will smell flowers blossom in her hair
and youre probably going to choke down 5 straight shots of ***** and get the thought of me out of ur head and focus on the girl who is dancing with you who wants to be your apple pie but you cant see diamonds in her eyes because youre staring at the ones hanging from her neck. and you cant feel her pull you in closer because shes reaching farther behind your dark head of hair and tapping shoulders of random guys shes never even met.
and when this happens i hope you run to the dingy bathroom and splash your face with ***** water and ***** up the words you never said because while youre out drowning your heart in thinngs i shouldnt care about, im here looking at the moon whispering how much i ******* love you.
and if you take her home i swear to god the moonlight will keep you awake no matter what time it is and youll watch it shine across your room floor where we danced and laughed and i almost told you that you were my night sky.
and i hope the light catches your attention more than the sight of her would and i hope when you wake up all you remember is that roses are my favorite scented flower and you cannot escape the light of the moon no matter how hard you try.

when you wake up and its not all over
remember that there are countless
worlds you can escape too on these
pages and you dont have to show
anyone and they dont have to
look good. whats important is
that you get away from here
for a while. i know you cant
sleep and you dont wanna be
awake, i see the bags under your
eyes and you havent touched
solid food in a couple of days. if you cant
look to your past for comfort
because it hurts and the present hurts even more,
remember theres always tomorrow to offer
solace for today, right?
if you find yourself falling asleep
holding your own hand again
make sure one of them is strog
so you can pick yourself up
otherwise youre as pathetic as the
people who pretended to love you.
dont make me say this again
**go to sleep