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Lily Lynn Oct 2017
She may be alone but she locks the bathroom door. Goes over to the Mirror and reaches her fingers behind it pulling out a razor. Dried up blood still on the sharp end. She put the toilet seat down and sat on the top lid. Just sitting there looking at it. Not knowing what to do. It hurts so much and is such a mess but she loves it. It takes her worries away. Even if it's for a moment. Starring she puts it down and gets undressed with the hot water running filling the tub to the top. So hot that it would turn your skin pink then red. Without flinching, she steps in and sits down. Watching her skin turn red. Then she looks at the toilet seat that she left the blade. She reached over dripping water on the floor and grabbed the blade. Putting it to her wrist she looks through the window up to the sky. "Please Forgive me for I will sin"
Lily Lynn Oct 2017
It's all a blur
The memories of a girl I used to be
It haunts me when I close my eyes hunts me in my dreams
I’m smiling

It seeps in my mind flashing all the horrible things I’ve gone through
only flashes
I try to see more
all I feel is pain
                        
once upon a time

I had a gift that most never knew was there
as a kid knowing the desires to others was scary
knowing what they wanted was cruel
then I lost it

the day I was beat till I was black and blue
I lost it
all of it
my world, my childish life
I watched as it was stolen away from me
I became something I never wanted to be
I became a toy

I was the deceiver
I was used by older men for their own pleasure
being wanted was not what I asked for
only to be happy

Everything I saw heard let alone felt was a nightmare
sleep is something I don’t want anymore
sleep I don’t need
I’m strong
I’m a loving person

may never be happy again but still here
right here
in this cruel world of sadness
as its dark eyes look upon me

I wish sometimes I never ever opened my eyes
now I see everything this world is
I ask why I’m still here
everything was taken from me
then I see them

all the smiles that keep me going
all the people that love me for what I really am
I am needed despite how I feel

despite what I want to do I’m needed and when I’m not needed anymore I will leave
to a new place new time with more who need me
my problems will be pushed away as I help others
I won't see the problems
but
they will still lurk.
Lily Lynn Oct 2017
Lost
Among you all
You can't see me
You won't
None of you know me
But I know you

Running away as if I were frightened
Stumbling and falling
Wishing and hoping
Dreaming

Laying here going to give up
None of you care
You don’t know
You never will

See you

Seeing me

Always comparing
Your better
I’m the worst
Living hoping loving

Burning in my own tears
Screaming in pain that you can’t see
You look into my eyes and you see nothing
But a child

I have grown
I have known for a while
I have seen the cruel
I have felt the pain

I have been ripped apart
My broken eyes see only what is allowed
You

Me

The pain
Never touching but never leaving
Eyes locked
My heart falls
As

It was stolen away from me
My heart my love my life
Mine
I hate
At this state
Am I even alive
Could I be still on this earth
The baby cries and scream
The baby none can find
For the child was no child
It was not demon
No angel
Just the cries turned into a word
Hope
Lily Lynn Oct 2017
He put it all on the line
Not really taking his time
Taking slow breaths waiting for the end

Now he’s wondering what’s beyond the bend
As he dreams in the coma state he sees his life flash before his eyes
Yet he knows where his heart lies

When he becomes one with the mountain you’ll know
He is happy as the trees go to and fro
As he draws his last breath

His frown of a mouth turns to a smile
Then thinks to himself

I’m still in denial

With the truth in mind
It all turns out
There was nothing there

not even a doubt

As his mind was clear like a window no one will know

What time did the rest of him go?
Lily Lynn Oct 2017
It's calling me. In silent whispers that flow with the wind. In the music that beats in my heart. In the words that speaks lies. I close my eyes and it takes me back to the past. The wrongs, the stupids, the childish things I have done. It shows no good. It shows no pleasure, no joy, the light had faded. An empty shell the crys for the warmth of a soul. A pure bright loving soul. The soul made of innocents and good. The empty shell who sees what should have been shut away. Locked with a key and spelled with kind words. This empty shell saw heard felt what no one should. As young as the shell may look it's far older. No matter the pain. No matter what it wants Others come first. Yet after it's all said and done. This shell feels no different.  Looking in the world for salvation it finds none. It bends it breaks then shies away. Fading away after time never being noticed. Till needed again. For whatever good or ***** deed asked of the shell. It's just a shell. What else could it be used for. Lost. Searching for them. The ones it fits in with. Backing into a corner falling back and giving up. The shell screams in agony sorrow. The space screams back at the shell in an echo. All through the shell was not just a shell. The shell was a girl. The girl was broken, hurt, feeling alone, and once a week would say “I'm evil”. The girl was not just a girl. She was a girl who belonged noWhere but one place. with the empty. The shameful.  But the shameful were so much more. They were the broken inside her. They were the loneliness inside her. They were the sinner and beggars. The shut out and banished. The shameful is the girl. Who stands before you all today. Still looking. Still searching. Begging for the salvation she never got at the beginning. Looking upon her. She sees. She knows. Whatever it is she needs. It's there. For the asking.
Lily Lynn Oct 2017
The eyes are like windows
To see what’s inside
Inside your good
Inside your ok

You may have scars on the outside
But the scars can heal on the outside
Your soul is bright
Your heart is dark
But not cold

Its filled with hurt and sorrow
As if it were left to die
We were ment to live
Love

Help
And care
But we lie
We hurt others and judge
Why?

Because we think they should get what they deserve
But does everyone deserve that treatment
Do they all need to be pushed away
As you push yourself away
Put your needs last

Make other
Better
But
We need to get better

Your funny
Loving
You know what and who you are
And only you can change

— The End —