But yet companionship
Does not promise a cure
To loneliness—
And food does not
Promise a cure
To hunger—
And blood
Does not promise a cure
To pain—

While buried in sin—
Reluctant to give in—
Answers come from within

~~
it’s a shame what I seek
I cannot achieve—

perfection

~~
if there’s more to life
why don’t I see it—
if there’s more to experience
why don’t I feel it—
why am I blind—
why am I numb—

the pale rays of sunshine
leaking through the window
on promising mornings
no longer curl my lips into a smile—
instead I awaken sad and alone—
“another day still? Another day?”

I am a hollow being
With no soul inside—
I ceased to be living
When I succumbed to my mind

~~

I must display my bones
To the world—so they see
What’s so very much a part of me.
To display my canvas—my thoughts—
So they can be taught—
So I will be skinny

~~

a life without pain
is a body without a heart

all of this confusion—
all of this  delusion—
the figure in the mirror—
the expectations in the frame

The bones to be blind and sharp—
Like jagged edges on cracked stone—
Like broken feelings and weak minds

The eyes to be empty—
The smile a smirk—
The lips to never part at mealtimes

To deceive the loved ones—
To bury their souls with your skinny leftovers
Once the disease seeps from your brain

But the longing to be delicate—
Fragile—
The longing to cry for help in quiet woods---
With no one to hear your truth

So what can you do but suffer
Let your thoughts take over—
Enjoy the ride—
This path is a one way street—
A flowing motion—
To the rest of this life

So spend every day trying to please the voice—
The voice is your purpose—
Your suffice

So stop winning—
Start losing

~~

like a fire that consumes all before it—
I melt away with the wind
I am so delicate—
The slow lap of waves breaks me—
And pulls me into the sea—
Deeper and deeper—

all of this confusion—
all of this  delusion—
the figure in the mirror—
the expectations in the frame

The bones to be blind and sharp—
Like jagged edges on cracked stone—
Like broken feelings and weak minds

The eyes to be empty—
The smile a smirk—
The lips to never part at mealtimes

To deceive the loved ones—
To bury their souls with your skinny leftovers
Once the disease seeps from your brain

But the longing to be delicate—
Fragile—
The longing to cry for help in quiet woods---
With no one to hear your truth

So what can you do but suffer
Let your thoughts take over—
Enjoy the ride—
This path is a one way street—
A flowing motion—
To the rest of this life

So spend every day trying to please the voice—
The voice is your purpose—
Your suffice

So stop winning—
Start losing

~~

like a fire that consumes all before it—
I melt away with the wind
I am so delicate—
The slow lap of waves breaks me—
And pulls me into the sea—
Deeper and deeper—

all of this confusion—
all of this  delusion—
the figure in the mirror—
the expectations in the frame

The bones to be blind and sharp—
Like jagged edges on cracked stone—
Like broken feelings and weak minds

The eyes to be empty—
The smile a smirk—
The lips to never part at mealtimes

To deceive the loved ones—
To bury their souls with your skinny leftovers
Once the disease seeps from your brain

But the longing to be delicate—
Fragile—
The longing to cry for help in quiet woods---
With no one to hear your truth

So what can you do but suffer
Let your thoughts take over—
Enjoy the ride—
This path is a one way street—
A flowing motion—
To the rest of this life

So spend every day trying to please the voice—
The voice is your purpose—
Your suffice

So stop winning—
Start losing

~~

like a fire that consumes all before it—
I melt away with the wind
I am so delicate—
The slow lap of waves breaks me—
And pulls me into the sea—
Deeper and deeper—

I put my faith into words
I try to articulate my feelings for you
To explain through text the emotions
Rattling through my blood and my heart

The words never seem right
The text never manages to get the point across
I wait for your response
And it is never what I hope for

But neither are the words i spoke
And I blame myself for your ignorance
Of my love for you.
Excuse me, I'm speechless

I search the cavities of my heart
Scour my brain for the lines-
The strings of letters of words 
That I must compose to let you know my cries

But I never can say the right thing 
And you never let me in
And I can see the words I speak mean nothing to you-
I can see that now 

You did all the listening 
And I did all the talking.
And when you finally spoke up
It hurt my ears and heart to listen

Just like that you end our relationship-
My mind never was enough
My body never was enough
My words never were enough 

And I'm left to wonder where exactly
The perfect words reside.

You left me all alone-
with nothing but the memories on my phone.
I wonder if I'll ever again hear your laugh,
or you utter my name through your sweet teeth-
and oh, how beautiful it sounds.
I wonder how you're feeling about me,
but then I remember you don't feel for me at all.
Never a kiss from my lips to yours
and yet you left me full of hurt and remorse.
You gave me beautiful words
and then you stole them back,
like they didn't mean the world to me.
I wonder when you'll get off my mind
but I've got too much time;
I've got too many thoughts, too many what if's-
Never a touch from your hand to mine.
Never a look suggesting feelings from your
sweet eyes to mine. So
you left me all alone-
Never being mine to start,
seems I'm the only one who can fix my unsteady heart
but there's too much pain
so I'll sit and I'll wallow away

A lonesome girl,
She'd lost hope.
She'd lost sight of herself.

She was taking a year
Off college
For "re-evaluation".
Her parents weren't too happy,
And were often mean to her.
They thought of her only as a
Messy, undetermined child.

She was walking through the
Woods one day,
And came upon a river.
She'd never seen, or
Heard about this river,
But it was the most beautiful river she'd ever seen.

She returned here
Every day on her walks,
Trying to work out her life.
This river was her safe place.
Her place to come to think,
To discover, to
Learn about her own self.

The river calmed her.
It helped her get through to the
Next day, the next step.
The river soothed her,
With it's smooth currents and
Slow, rhythmic ripples.
The river helped to heal her.

On a particularly bad day,
She stormed out of her house,
Wanting never to return.
She felt as if the people there
Wouldn't miss her at all.

She angrily walked the path to the river,
Wanting nothing more
Than to feel better.

She sat on her
Familiar patch of grass,
And looked hard at the river.
On most days, that
Would be enough.

But on that day,
It wasn't.
She was still as mad as ever.
Slowly she stood up
And walked closer and closer
To the rivers edge.

Her feet inched in the surprisingly
Warm water,
But still, nothing was happening.
It wasn't enough to
Relieve her on this day.

So she stepped in further,
Fully clothed,
Into this river.

She dove in.
At once the water consumed her.
It warmed her from the
Outside in,
And cured her of her anger.

It calmed her like it'd never
Calmed her before.
She was in bliss.
She never wanted to
Leave the water.

This girl, in this river,
Felt warm like never before.
She felt peaceful,
And hopeful. Things she
Hadn't felt
In a long time.

As she silently wished she'd
Never have to part the river,
She looked down at her body.
She gave out a small gasp;
Her fingertips, as if
Dissolving, were falling off
In little sparkling droplets of water.

As the drips
That were her fingers
Met the body
That was the river,
She felt love in her heart.
She felt as if there was
No where else she was supposed to be.
She felt safe.

She was home.

She slowly watched the
Rest of her fall into the river,
Until she became a part of it
Herself.
She was fully one with the river.

Now she flows with the currents,
And makes the ripples,
That once did so much for her.