Help me now to remember

How you hugged me to your chest
your arms strong+holded me, let me rest.

When you whispered quiet
Beautifuls
And quiet
Assurities.

Help me to remember

How I held on with dear life
Scared to let go

And scared I won't remember.
And scared that you would go.

you people talk about
alcohol,  drugs
***
and money
these are your poison
these are you honey.

and these poisons
make you giggle
and dream
laugh
make you scream.
these are your poisons.

and they make you feel
hungover
and cold
sore
and empty
but these are still your poisons.

but my poison
is that of your eyes
your milky blue liquid
that fills those two lies

my poison
lies
between your fingers
where all your secrets
hide
that's where I find
all your troubles linger

my poison lies
in the tangles of your hair
let your chest calm and rise
as you don't notice my stare.
these are your poisons.

my poison lies in
your empty bed
no pillow, no head.
where you left my embrace
and you poisoned my  grace.

Wouldnt you try
To not be so bad?
say what you mean
Not what was had.

Dont waffle
And cry.
just speak your mind.
Please try.

Dont loose yourself
in explanations
Of the heart
Or soul.
Of long stories untold

You owe them nothing
Only a tab for youself.

Speak your mind
Not hers.

And I've got  this book
to live in
to fill it with handwritten
Promises  and lies
triumphs and trials
he-loves-me's and he-loves-me-not's

Will I write in it slowly?
Or quickly, than all at once?
fill it with good ink,
precious ink
Ink of breath of love of spirit.

And will I end it beautifully?
No regrets or hope.
But just knowledge of the life
to come.

Will the pages be worn
And well lived
Broken in
And blessedly warm.

So he was like the sun
Bold and beaming
And like the moon
Hidden and sleeping.

Yet all the same
He was a rose
Opening up to the sunrise
Bright, fresh, free.

And he was like
A flashing light
Or a drug-crazy rockstar
Or the breaking surf.

So hard to pin down
But so easy to love.

My heart's borders stretch beyond
The coast
The east
the mountains.

There are gardens in this place.
Althrough we've been stomped.
We will turn upwards again.

We are the flowers,
Dashed pockets of life or light
Up turned to the sun.

And bloom

Only when that loss is gain
Does your love become a pain.