I want to run
Run as fast as I can
Not on a road
Or a sidewalk
But on a trail
Winding through
Mountains
Until I fall
Into your arms

Why I was able to conquer my feelings
I stepped out of my shoes
I saw who I'd become when I was with her
I saw the ****** blades on the table,
And the nervous panic attacks at night
I saw my spirited self morph
Into a depressed, bipolar  girl,
Who's struggle was to keep her alive
To remind her she was worth it
And all the while, the happiness drained out
Leaving a pale, empty shell
She made me become just like her
And I refuse to live my life that way
She was addicting, I was obsessed
But each day I saw her  I deteriorated
She was a pill,
but now I'm drug free

I now dream of just a kiss on the lips
But the real question is
*would anyone even want to kiss me?

My mother attacked me when I got in the car
About how homosexuality is dead wrong
How they should follow the Bible
Did she know when she said 'they' it was me
Was she suspicious and trying to scare me
Was she trying to scare the gay out of me?
I don't know if she even knows,
But I love who I love, and I'm sorry but
I shouldn't have to apologize for loving someone
It shouldn't matter no matter what the gender
Maybe I'll end up with a girl, maybe a man
But it sure as hell shouldn't matter to anyone

I am almost completely over her
After an intense period of
What I thought was love
I realized I need a happy person
A happy, free, adventurous person
Who can love me
Just as much as they love themselves

I need the the feeling of lips on lips
To patch the damage done
I need you to repair me with your touch
Break my walls one by one

Everyone around me is falling into a pit of depression
Self hate, self concept, self image, destroyed
And I am desperately struggling to pull them out
But when I reach for one hand,
It means I'm letting go of the other